Quote from: Hypatia on September 23, 2008, 11:25:49 PM
The argument that transitioning will be harmful to your kids is bogus. It's more harmful to repress who you are. It's extremely damaging to not only us but our loved ones. We don't do them any favors by repressing. They only see the outside, they can't see what you're going through inside, so they are not in a position to judge us when we take responsibility for our own health and well-being. Taking care of your own health is essential if you're to be any good for your family. Destroying yourself will not help them. They don't understand how destructive it is for us to repress our true gender. It's like the oxygen masks on airplanes. Parents have to be instructed to put their own on first, then the children's.
Quote from: KylieLuv on September 23, 2008, 08:33:56 PM
I have an 11 year old daughter, 10 year old son and 24 year old daughter from another marraige. I agree, my children will probably love me no matter what as they know they have always been the most important thing in my life. But I fear all the ugly things they will experience by their peers, neighbors etc. So my maternal instincts won't let me accept that something I would do for me would hurt them in any way.
My wife is very strong and has a PhD in psychology but did psychological testing and not therapy. Her maternal instincts are also to protect her children at any cost. So there is no way I can invision a smooth transition much less having any contact with my beautiful children. So I can only see me going away for some explained reason (nervous breakdown, hospital, another relationship etc.)
I'm to old, to tall, to masculine and to caring. But I can't go on like this much more.
Hi, Kylie,
It seems to me that you have a clear understanding of your present condition, your past, and how you got there. You surely are not alone. Many of us, if not most, have a similar history.
Please avoid the vodka and Valium cocktail as it won't do any good. I am a recovering alcoholic, sober since September 6, 2002 and it didn't do anything for me aside from land me in the detox unit.
When I was five years old I began to feel that there was a mismatch between my clothing, toys, games boys played, and me. When I was nine years old I knew exactly what my problem was. I was a girl in a boy's body.
Back then, in 1960, the word "transsexual" was not in anyone's lexicon, not even the medical establishment. There was no such thing as gender therapy and in my little town had I started to act as girly as my inner self was I would have been taken for x-rays on my head or maybe for an exorcism.
Too old to transition? I was 51 when I started. It took a mere 46 years for me to do what was imperative, to be me, the same inside and outside. I came out in the transgender chat room here at Susan's. I had the floor for two and a half hours while I opened up to myself and anyone else who gave a hoot.
Too tall? I'm 5'11.5" tall and I am not petite, not even slender. There are taller women who have transitioned and some visit here from time to time.
It is, IMHO, impossible to live comfortably with Gender Identity Dysphoria. Either it gets buried and causes constant discomfort within or it takes over and forces one to action. When you choose transition you will have a rough road to travel, but many of us have done it before you and will be here to help, advise, or listen, as needed.
You can change your haircut, change the color, the way you dress, the car you drive, your place of worship, your political leanings, your favorite beer, sport, whatever, and no one will bother you, but change your gender and suddenly everyone has a stake in your future! Where in the hell were they when you needed them? Suddenly everyone wears judge's robes and you're what they're judging.
If it's any help, I survived it. I learned how to give lots of "one-finger salutes," and my shell grew very thick and hard. It was my turn to be me.
I was married three times for a total of 26 years. I did that because back then I had to buy into the lie that I was all-male. There was no alternative available to me. I had no children, however, I believe Hypatia's comments to be worth consideration. I have seen situations similar to yours and hers before. Even if you had no children to deal with, only your wife, it would still be a rocky road until you left home and lived your life as you need to live it. My second ex told me that I could transition when she retired. She told me that at least she wouldn't have to show her face outside. Then she extended it to after she died. That, Kylie, was the absolute end. I moved out under police supervision and I never looked back.
So here I am, a whole woman on her way to being complete. I had to choose between living my life for myself (yes, there is a selfish element to every choice like this) or living it for others, in misery. I chose to live for me.
Please contact me by PM if you wish. I promise that if I cannot help you or share your anxiety and pain, I will say so and not waste your time. Many here and elsewhere have contributed to my life and I am bound to share it with others who might need some help.
Remember, no vodka with Valium.
Wing Walker
Never Looked Back
