Living in the middle of two genders

[Jack Daniels]

 I really hate it and would like to hear yalls similar experience. Apparently now, people think Im a guy(finally), but the problem is it just happened out of the blue for no reason since I didnt drastically change my apperance, and so I was screwed cause today when I went to the restroom at college, every woman in the restroom just stared at me like what the hell are you doing in here(I was thinkin the same thing) and then one girl just blanty asked why I was in there and I looked at her and then left...It was great, but damn came out of know where. Living in the middle of the two genders is somewhat challenging, but the good thing is people arent seeing me as some boyish girl anymore, but yet as a boy.

I would like to hear from yall.

[icontact]

Uhm, it's interesting in a way, since I'm only out as a butch lesbian, I get treated as if I'm a guy, but with that comes all the jibes and unkind remarks whenever I do something remotely feminine. And I guess that comes with the territory, since all guys get that, but. I wish people were more open minded.

[Jack Daniels]

Yeah, if only there were more open-minded people...

[Arch]

What I hate about the restroom thing is that people (okay, women) always seemed to be accusatory--in my experience (back when I was passing), they always used to ASSUME that I was in the wrong place, and then either they got the hell out of there as fast as they could, or they jumped all over me about it. It was never, "Oh, are you in the right place?" but "OMG YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE!!!"

I guess it's kinda hard to blame em, since so many of them are paranoid about men...but, sheesh, I would walk into a restroom with two women in it--I'd start going to a stall--they would freak. And I'd be thinking, "What, you think I didn't notice that you're wearing a skirt and heels? Of course I know which restroom I'm in." I wish we had unisex bathrooms.

How ya doin', Jack? Are you switching to the gents'? Seems like you (and everyone else, maybe) would be more comfortable there.

[Elwood]

I've been using the men's room for a little over a month. No problems in there.

I am finally not stuck in the middle anymore--in public. As far as romance goes, I am very stuck. I cannot date or become intimate with people because of my personal boundaries. I really want transition to start so I can start getting ready for top surgery.

[deviousxen]

I really hate it and would like to hear yalls similar experience. Apparently now, people think Im a guy(finally), but the problem is it just happened out of the blue for no reason since I didnt drastically change my apperance, and so I was screwed cause today when I went to the restroom at college, every woman in the restroom just stared at me like what the hell are you doing in here(I was thinkin the same thing) and then one girl just blanty asked why I was in there and I looked at her and then left...It was great, but damn came out of know where. Living in the middle of the two genders is somewhat challenging, but the good thing is people arent seeing me as some boyish girl anymore, but yet as a boy.

I would like to hear from yall.

Dude. I was hit on by some guy in a vid chat last night. I effing empathize with any shock you're experienced. XD

And the kids mom who's a christ lover from the middle of nowhere was with me for the charity thing. I was trying not to bring the me being trans thing up, until someone working there asked, "Who's this girl? Did you bring her?"
I was like gaping...

And it IS weird.

My friend almost thinks I should just go to my first classes as a girl and try passing so it isn't harder later.

CRAP.

[Scotty72]

I remember my first day of highschool as a freshman.  I was really freakin nervous so I had to pee like no other, and I just casually strolled into the girls bathroom like I had done in Junior High.  Needless to say the girls that were in there wern't too pleased to see a boy walk in.  One of the girls apparently thought I didn't understand english because I just stood there with a blank look on my face, so she took it upon herself to spell out 'G-I-R-L-S  B-A-T-H-R-O-O-M' to me.  I just left, I didn't need to go that bad.

Now its my senior year and all the guys know I'm a girl, but all the girls think I'm a guy.  It all added up to many awkward moments that lead me to just walking the extra distance from the main building and use the Auto Shop's unisex restroom.

[Jack Daniels]

Arch, you already go to the mens, right? Its seems more comfatable anyways since the ladies freak, but sometimes its entertaining. I think in the course of one day, I will switch to the mens.

Elwood, although Im stuck in the middle in public(at least I think so), Im also stuck romantically. God, I hate these parts of my body that were forced upon me at birth. And I vow to never use them whatsoever in any way possible,and denial of those abonimal parts has kept me alive so far ...well denial and Jack Daniels.

Devious xen, you should probably present as a girl to classes like your friend said. And you at your picture you already look like a girl. I cant see you going to a male rest room...Its pressure, but it will be worth it in the long run, so you dont have to do it later.

Posted on: August 25, 2008, 08:35:17 PMScotty, thats funny, she thought you didnt speak English, aw man

[Arch]

Arch, you already go to the mens, right?

Not anymore, man. I can't pass these days. That was when I was younger and thinner.

I plan to be a lot more passable by the end of the year. I'm sooo looking forward to that. I have been in hiding too long.

[Jack Daniels]

Arch, you already go to the mens, right?

Not anymore, man. I can't pass these days. That was when I was younger and thinner.

I plan to be a lot more passable by the end of the year. I'm sooo looking forward to that. I have been in hiding too long.

I hope you dont mind me askin, but how old are you...

[Arch]

I hope you dont mind me askin, but how old are you...

I don't mind. I'm sort of a late bloomer...I'm in my forties. I came out as FTM when I was about thirty-one--saw myself as a female who WANTED to be male. I lived that way for several years, passed a lot (I looked and sounded like a teenager, I guess), but for various reasons didn't seriously consider transition. Then I suppressed my identity for a number of years because I couldn't deal with it. I came out for real this summer as a bona fide male, not a woman who wanted to be a man. It seems like a small distinction, but to me it makes all the difference in the world.

That's when the dam broke and everything changed.

It's been a strange journey, and now I'm in therapy to figure out what I want to do from here.

[deviousxen]

Arch, you already go to the mens, right? Its seems more comfatable anyways since the ladies freak, but sometimes its entertaining. I think in the course of one day, I will switch to the mens.

Elwood, although Im stuck in the middle in public(at least I think so), Im also stuck romantically. God, I hate these parts of my body that were forced upon me at birth. And I vow to never use them whatsoever in any way possible,and denial of those abonimal parts has kept me alive so far ...well denial and Jack Daniels.

Devious xen, you should probably present as a girl to classes like your friend said. And you at your picture you already look like a girl. I cant see you going to a male rest room...Its pressure, but it will be worth it in the long run, so you dont have to do it later.

Posted on: August 25, 2008, 08:35:17 PMScotty, thats funny, she thought you didnt speak English, aw man

Oh wow...

People really want me to. I is kinda scared again
... Augghhhh... -_-

I still can't believe you think I do...

Wow.

[Jack Daniels]

Arch, its sucks that you suppressed it, that must of been pretty painful, all those years... I try to suppress it once, and thats when I became self-destructive and suicidal, I couldnt do the suppression thing, but you did, and for a while, too...man

DeviousXen, youre not gonna want to start school as a "guy" in class, and then turn into a "girl" in the middle of class. Besides, youre already a woman, so continue to let your physical apperance match it.

[deviousxen]

Its only in a couple weeks though...

-_-

I just don't know if I can do it right.


I was really surprised I worked as a girl last night even. Just wow...  D:


I want to, but I'm so terrified.

Any advice?

[Arch]

Arch, its sucks that you suppressed it, that must of been pretty painful, all those years... I try to suppress it once, and thats when I became self-destructive and suicidal, I couldnt do the suppression thing, but you did, and for a while, too...man

Yeah, I was suicidal back before I figured everything out, when I was in my teens and twenties. I suffered from depression in addition to the gender/sexuality thing, which I kept well hidden. But not hidden enough, because I could never quite escape it.

I was pretty messed up back then. It's embarrassing to remember.

When I started suppressing in my thirties, I was much more stable and better able to cope, but I was NOT happy about my situation.

I'm glad you stopped suppressing because I would not wish that hell on ANYONE. But it's not so good to self-medicate, either. I hope that doesn't get out of control because I've gone that route, too, and it didn't help.

Come to think of it, nothing seems to help but facing up to it, working through it, and doing something about it. Which I am now doing. Or starting to do, anyway. 

Are your parents still making nice after they messed with you the other day?

[Jack Daniels]

Devios Xen, Use confidence! Thats most important, its always about how you carry yourself, maybe even a little more than apperance.I have a couple of guy friends that are very girlish, and naturally a lot of people use "she" for them, and then quickly apologize. THe point is these guys dont even want to be girls, but their mannerisms are so feminine that people accentdently call them she without realizin it. But see you look like and a girl too and Im guessing your mannerisms are that of a womans/girls, and now all you need is the confidence.

Arch, Yeah my parents...i dont know, its ironic. Right before they gave back everything and apologized, we had an agrument/fight and I told them they were goin to regret it. Maybe they fear me, cause that would be awesome. And Im glad for you that you stopped denieing yourself.

[Renate]

Hey Xen:

You've got a window of opportunity here with the start of the school year, go for it.

You look fine, but go get your eyebrows waxed, the Brooke Shields look is passé.

Good luck!

[Melissa]

Hey Xen:

You've got a window of opportunity here with the start of the school year, go for it.

You look fine, but go get your eyebrows waxed, the Brooke Shields look is passé.

Good luck!

Lol, I was thinking about the eyebrows too.  Otherwise, you look great and there's no reason you shouldn't pass.

[deviousxen]

Heh. The eyebrow are kinda big. I've plucked before, but I dk..

The thing is is that my confidence sucks. My mannerisms are JUST becoming more feminine too... So I'm being really lacking in confidence I guess...

The girl in me is a mute with stunted growth. I don't fit in on either side really... Girl or Boy. At least not yet.

My friends go off fangirling and just leave me. Even if I am a girl I'm the least fitting of any of them, so I'm never really called or anything. I suck at fitting in, and I don't blame them, I'm my entire life behind at having mannerisms, and on top of it I tried acting like some tough guy in middle school, so crap.

[Jack Daniels]

Since your confidence is horrible, you could test it out for a week or so, and then decide,but... if you decide against it, that ll complicate things Im sure...um...are you a shy-type, introvert, quiet person? but in the end, you have have to make the decision, and no one elses' opinion matters because its easy to say something and not have to worry about living it, but its you who will have to live it, so you have to be comfortable enough to do it, but dont decide against it cause lack of confidence.