Quote from: Jack Daniels on September 04, 2008, 12:34:58 AM
Well I think she had me because she felt she had to instead of actually wanting to...But if someone wants to have kids, then thats cool..for them.But actually, I personally wish she would of had an abortion with me. But no, if you actually want the kid, then thats completely different
OK, I think I understand again.
Back to Nero's orginal point, yes, an FTM will have to work harder than a bio-male to prove their manhood. Just like an MTF will have to work harder than a bio-female to prove their womanhood. This could be societal, or it could be biological. TS folks, if I understand correctly, basically have their bodies working against their minds. Androgyne, bigender, and non-binary gender variant folks will be reviled by just about anyone because we/they don't fall into neatly defined categories.
Please note that I'm not defending these things; I'm just explaining what I've noticed.
I think that my parents had kids for two reasons: 1) that's what's done and 2) they wanted to. I don't hate my dad for siring my brothers and I. I don't hate my dad for bowing to the male role or trying to force it down my throat. No. I hate him because he's a bigot. I guess I'm a bigot, too, because I hate bigots. That makes me a failure as both a Buddhist and a Christian, because I'm bigotted against bigots.
Anyway...
TS folks can escape the roles of their bio-genders, but they'll end up being held to others instead. Growing up male in the US isn't all it's cracked up to be, believe me.
You want to be thought of as male? Don't ever cry.
You want to be thought of as male? Only express anger and hate and contempt. Joy is OK, if it's joy at getting laid or joy at seeing someone you hate suffer.
You want to be thought of as male? Don't desire to be loved.
You want to be thought of as male? Be prepared to make others suffer.
The above basically came to me from my dad and society in general. Viewing those, as well as what some of the FTMs here have posted, I must not be male.
I do cry.
I express a wide range of emotions.
I need to be told I'm loved. (My dad actually told me that, "Women need to be told they're loved. Men don't." I sh!t you not.)
I want to be desired and desirable.
I hate seeing people suffer.
On the topic of "cute" nicknames and being male, my wife's pet name for me is Furry. For the most part, I'm OK with this BECAUSE it's cute. I don't like it only because it reminds me that nearly every square inch of my body is covered in dark (though becoming gray) hair. For me, the masculine role doesn't work. But if I understand some of the posts in this thread, there are those here who want to accept that role.
If that's what they want, good. Let them take that role. But, it's still a societal role. My mom was incensed when she learned that I not only cook dinner every night, but that I cooked it on my birthday. She felt that as a gift, my wife should have cooked instead. My wife hates to cook, and I love to cook. To me, cooking on my birthday WAS a gift. My wife would buy things we normally wouldn't have and I'd cook up a storm. I can't tell you the amount of flak we've received because of this arrangement... from women and men alike.
On another message board some time ago, I announced that my dream career was to be a house-husband. Oh, the abuse I got for that one. Why? Because it's an affront to manhood, that's why.
Manhood and womanhood are defined both by the individual and by the society. As mentioned in another thread here, "passing" is adhering to other people's standards of what is male and/or female. It's quite the same with manhood and womanhood. We will always be judged by others; it seems unavoidable. Whether we accept the roles society assigns to our birth bodies or surgically reassigned bodies, it's still accepting roles. The only real problem I see with that would be if one is uncomfortable with the role but takes it on anyway. If one is comfortable with the role and that role makes them happy, so be it.
