A
barber shop ?? You mean, with a striped pole, tables covered with Field & Stream and Sports Illustrated, and manned by a bald guy named Larry?
*Stealth recoils like a vampiress confronted with a cross*
Go to a salon. To my intense horror, guys go to them all the time. How is Larry supposed to make a living?
When I was where you are, I did what someone here suggested, I went in and told her what my deal was, and could she give me a more feminine cut without going so far that I would get stared at, cos I still had to go to work as a guy. (gawd....thanks a heap for reminding me of the bad old days!) She said no problem, and gave me a cut I was really happy with.
You say none of your SO's have a clue and you don't want them guessing, or somethign to that effect. Well, um, how significant have they had a chance to be, if you are hiding that much from them? if they ask questions, just say "I wanted it this way" and leave it at that. That's what I did.
Now, my stylist has to practically chain me down like Frankenstein's monster in order to even get me to let her trim the raggy ends off. I LOVE MY HAIR!

Stealth