Sorry Girls!

[Elwood]

You know, there's one thing I keep fraking up.

I know 2 transgirls, one named Toni, the other, Alex. I love these girls, they're great. But my tongue keeps slipping. They both still present as male, for safety reasons, so I often find myself calling them he. But I most certainly do not think of them as guys! It's very confusing... I happen to be a fairly visual person, so when a girl presents as male, I make mistakes. Today I finally stopped myself before I called Alex a he and called her a shy. I was quite proud. I wish she'd use her other name, Ashley, though. It would make things easier for me, haha (even though Alex is an angrogynous name).

Fortunately, most girls at Susan's present female (at least in their pictures), so there aren't any slip ups. 

Do you girls ever slip up and accidentally call FtMs she?
I haven't yet... Most of the ones I know are so butch calling them she would just look stupid on my part.

[Flan Princess]

Whenever I don't know the gender of a person I'm talking with I'll usually try not to make any presumptions until I get the word from the horses mouth.

Do you girls ever slip up and accidentally call FtMs she?
I haven't yet... Most of the ones I know are so butch calling them she would just look stupid on my part.

I've never met one so I can't answer that.

[sarahb]

I can understand where you're coming from. Before I was full time my girlfriend at the time would get confused since I was going back and forth. She accepted me fine, but the constant back and forth would make her slip up every now and then. It's hard when someone looks one way, reaction is based on the visual representation of the person. Don't kick yourself about it. I'm sure they know you don't mean it or see them any different.

Edit: btw, my girlfriend was TS as well, so it doesn't matter if you're TS yourself, it's still sometime hard to get it right based on the situation.

[Osiris]

My sister is out but still presenting as male. To make matters worse everyone else in my family and that I know call her "he." So I often find myself slipping up.

[Janet_Girl]

Dan,

It is hard for anyone to wonder what to used when a trans person is presenting as the other gender.  FtM presenting a female, MtF presenting as male.  My friend Peggy could not say her or even Janet when I presented as male.  It was always He Or the male name.  It is easyer for her now because she see me as her, not he any more.

You are not alone.  But as Flan said don't presume to know a persons gender until you know for sure.  Go gende neutral.

Janet

[Elwood]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. 

[Audrey]

I understand the whole concept of half and half or part time for safety, however if most people perceive you as male or female then that is what you will be to them.

Before I went fulltime, I didn't really press the pronoun or name issue as I was mostly presenting as male.  About three months into fulltime though I started busting people on it.  Now I consider it rather insulting to be called he and more so to be called by my old name.  NOW THAT GETS ME HOT.      If I have any buttons to push that is definitely one of them.  On the rare occasion when someone does call me by my old name I just ignore them until they get it straight.

Audrey

LOL I like that chainsaw smiley

[sarahb]

On the rare occasion when someone does call me by my old name I just ignore them until they get it straight.

LOL, I've gotten in the habit of doing this more recently too. Although sometimes the person (my dad mostly) doesn't get it and just calls for me again and again using the old name until someone else in the family corrects them. Now that gets really annoying!

[Hypatia]

I remember the first LGBT conference I went to, someone showed up verbally identifying as a trans woman, but in male clothes and sporting about a week's growth of heavy beard stubble. The environment being a queer conference, I and the others around me were primed to keep saying "she" even when the visuals did not jibe. I was consistently feminine at the conference, but I was newly out myself, and did not pass very well yet despite my best efforts, so when a gay guy called me "he," I practically read him the riot act. I expected--demanded--him to know better than that. For the first couple years, when I would do my best to appear female and still got called "he" it would plummet me into horrible depression for days at a time. It took almost 3 years before I won for myself the freedom to be full-time. Until then, I was coerced into alternating on and off, so I was getting called "he" during the non-female-appearing times.  I hated it with a burning passion in my guts. But I didn't expect any different. On the other hand, when I was doing my best to present female I certainly expected the right pronoun and spoke up to correct people every. single. time. By the time I finally began fulltime, I had begun to pass well enough that it wasn't a problem any more. Whew. Tremendous relief!

[LivingInGrey]

At this point for me it's easier for me to refer to someone as their screen name, just because I've spent so much time in the gaming community or on forums/text chat rooms. Once you've spent an honest amount of time in the text/avatar world (specially in games where anyone can be a female character) you start to understand that everyone is a man unless you hear them on ventrilo (VOIP). So, to be polite, I just always refer to someone as their screen name.

But yes, if a ran into "A Boy Named Sue" (just a little Johnny Cash, no offense) in real life, I'd end up calling that person Sue just because there's no telling how that person would react to being called he (offended because they are trans) or she (offended because that person had a cruel father and grew up getting laughed at).

Oh and for those who don't know the Boy named Sue song...

[NicholeW.]

Short answer: nope. I don't know any trans-men IRl with whom I have that problem. They all seem to me very much to be men. I supposed that includes maybe eight guys. Don't think it would be problematic with any of you here either although as far as I know I don't know IRL any of the posters here.

Nikki