Babies...

[Brain_Storm]

So, there's always the thought of "I want a baby", being a maternal "inner woman" we are, there's always that "vagina and uterus" envy that follows someone who actually has it. (i.e. penis envy for straight/gay/trans men.) So I'm a 20 year old trans-woman who has already started my HRT and just got out of a year-long relationship with a complete loser. (I was in a bad relationship with a good person) He already had a kid with one of his previous girlfriends and I ended up becoming attached to this kid. Now that he has been taken from me (by powers I cannot contend with) I had the extreme urge to have one of my own.

That being said, my inquiry is this. How can I have a baby of my own accord. Now, as not to offend anyone...

I'm a transwoman yes?
Yes.
I still have a penis yes?
Yes.
I can still maintain an erection yes?
Yes.
I can still masturbate to orgasm yes?
Yes.

Then, if that all is a possibility, why can I not have a baby? Therein lies my problem.

You read everyday through boards and through many a Google search about legal rights for transwomen. Most suggest that before you go through with SRS have some sperm frozen. Or have your husband use his sperm to impregnante your sister. But what if the only person I wanted in my baby's life...was me?

So here it is, the big question and my thoughts on it:
"Can I, being a trans-woman with a working penis, either inject semen or have physical intercourse with another (term used loosely) woman in order to have a baby?"

My thoughts:
So you're thinking "Hmm... woman you are mad, you're not really thinking like a woman!"
But here it is, the thoughts going into my head. If I find a willing person, and she agrees that after the birth, there will be no contact (or limited contact) can't a "knock her up" like any other man, yet when the baby is born assume the role of the child's mother? It doesn't seem all that complicated.

If I were a man, and I wanted a kid, I could find any girl willing and get a child. The situation is a bit skewwed though seeing as I am a woman, unable to have a child, yet the same option applies to me.

The way I see it, and the way it plays out in my mind, this is the easiest way for a transgendered woman to have a non-complicated pregnancy. Sure, you'd be a single mother, but the baby shares your genes and thats something you just can't take from someone or their child. And then, if you ever did find someone you fell in love with, well then it's all heads up from there!

[Jay]

Hey Brainstorm!

Can you not just get a surregate mother? And get her to sign a contract and then the baby will be just yours. Sure its expensive. But hey its a life at the end of the day!

I wish that I could have kids of my own but that aint going to be happening now. I will just have to see what the future holds. I would prefer to marry a nice women who had already had kids. I love babies I really do.

[Brain_Storm]

Hey Brainstorm!

Can you not just get a surregate mother? And get her to sign a contract and then the baby will be just yours. Sure its expensive. But hey its a life at the end of the day!

I wish that I could have kids of my own but that aint going to be happening now. I will just have to see what the future holds. I would prefer to marry a nice women who had already had kids. I love babies I really do.

I would love that, but there's less complication when the situation is how i described and I have a lawyer present. It takes less time, and less money! But I can defiantely see where you're coming from too. Thanks for your input!

[Elwood]

And I can't give my man's half to create a baby. I really don't want to be like Thomas Beatie, a swollen man ready to pop out a child. I want to father a child... but I just don't think that will ever happen.

[sneakersjay]

My thoughts were with Jay -- find a surrogate.  If you have a friend or family member willing to do it, great.  If not there are women out there who will, but you're right, for a fee and attorneys and what not.

[Venus]

My best friend was a surrogate mother and had someone elses sperm and egg implanted into her.  She carried the baby for the 8-9 months and then gave birth.  She had to sign adoption papers to give the other lady the baby but she felt weird giving a baby up for adoption she never considered "hers" in the first place.  The baby now lives in the States and my friend in Canada.  The adoptive mother sends my friend a letter once a year on the baby's birthday and my friend sends back a once a year thank you and congratulations card every year and that is it.

[Hannah]

Technical considerations aside, why exactly do you want to have a baby? Your'e 20 years old and transitioning, is that really the best time to bring another life into the world fresh with needs and wants of their own? I'm not usually a fan of the overused counseling recommendation, but I think you would benefit from talking to someone who knows this stuff abut your past relationship, the child, the breakup and your newfound desire to have a biological child of your own.

I can't stand child psychology. My area of study involves domestic violence and the pathology of victimization, because I found it easier to stomach than the horrible, aweful things that happen to kids who among other things had the novelty wear off of them. I'm not suggesting that involves you in any way, I just think people need to think pretty clearly and carefully about bringing another human being into the world.

[K8]

I'm with Becca.  A baby is an 18-year commitment, minimum.  Being a single mom is tough.  Being a single 20 year-old mom is tougher.  Being a single 20 year-old trans-mom has got to be even tougher.  A baby isn't something you can give back if it doesn't work out.  A baby is something you can screw up if you don't care for it properly.

Transitioning is a very self-involved process.  Having a baby involves a lot more than just you.  Please talk to someone trained to ferret out your needs and abilities.

- Kate

[tekla]

Surrogate contracts are not worth the paper they are written on.  The natural/real mother has right she just can't sign away, and there are no contracts on human life.  You should be very sure before you do that.

[Miniar]

There's always adoption. Especially if you're okay with taking in someone older than an infant.
There are a lot of unwanted children out there.

[katherine]

Hi Brain_Storm, Honestly, If I were in my late teens or early twenties, I'd want to have a baby.  That's why I chose the avatar that I'm now using.  It's rather disheartening, so I don't really dwell on it, but I can't help thinking of it now and then...
Anyway, someday it may be a possibility.  See this link on an interesting write-up I came across a couple months ago - http://www.secondtype.com/pregnant.htm.  It's quite fascinating.  Hugs.

[Sandy]

Hon, I can't see any good coming from this.

If you are on HRT, have you started therapy yet?  If so, what has your therapist had to say about this in relation to your transition?

This process is a years-long journey that is wrought with a lot of issues.  And now you want to add the complexities and costs of having a surrogate mother bear a child?

As others have said, there is probably no court in the western hemisphere that would rule against a mother's rights.  No matter WHAT was agreed to or contracted originally.

I don't think you have completely thought this through, nor have you spoken to others who may afford you more information, like your therapist and perhaps an attorney.

If you feel you must preserve your ability to procreate, then bank your sperm now.  You have just started HRT and can still produce viable sperm.  If you postpone you may lose that ability.  This is one of the things that therapy is used to address.  I can almost guarantee you that you will have a quite different view of life once you have completed the transition.

Once you have completed your transition, and are physically and legally female, perhaps you can revisit the issue.  And actually adoption as a single parent would be quite a viable option at that point.  There are so many unwanted children today.  Does that child actually have to have your DNA?

Trust me, just about all of us have entertained some very serious thoughts of parenthood.  I would give just about anything to be a mother, but reality is one of those things that I have had to face, and now take joy in the life I have.

-Sandy

[Debra]

I'm still floating myself as to whether I transition or not but I think I would definitely bank some sperm in the case that I ever did want to have kids in the future.

Right now if I can find some way to not transition and still be happy, I will still want to have kids with my wife.

If I did transition, I dont know how that would work. I would expect that there would be a possibility that I might end up alone for the rest of my life.

[aurora17]

I also want my own baby, grown in my own womb.
I do not have an uterus... not yet.
I'm monitoring progress in the associated research fields, it's one of the themas in my blog.
I hope it will become possible during my lifetime.
Bearing a child is a woman's privilege.

[Miniar]

If the transplant becomes a viable option before I get the chance to get rid of mine, you can have it. Mind you, it might be a little T soaked at the time, but I'm sure it'll wear off.

[Jay]

And I can't give my man's half to create a baby. I really don't want to be like Thomas Beatie, a swollen man ready to pop out a child. I want to father a child... but I just don't think that will ever happen.

Exactly how I feel.

At the moment at work I sit next to a pregnant woman and it makes me want a child more than I ever thought I wanted.. 

Jay

[katherine]

At my age it just isn't a viable option to have a child, whether through adoption, foster care, etc.  If I were much younger and transitioned, I would most certainly want to.  I remember speaking with my therapist about it.  It was one of those tissue sessions.  I can understand why a young woman transitioning would like to have a baby some day, but only after transitioning is completed and her life is on track.

[BridgetBby]

ugh im in baby-mode now and it sucks
i would soooo get pregnate by my bf if i could, i just want to birth my own child now
oh well maybe in about 10 years or so they might find a way to actualy allow transsexuals to be impregnated.

[Steffi]

Although there is no way for a transwoman to get impregnated, I did read some stuff once which said that it was perfectly feasible for a male to carry to term an embryo that had been implanted in the abdoemen and attached to *something* that gave a dependable blood supply. - Not the same as pregnancy and birth, but at least it's something
No idea where I saw it now, but perhaps someone else saw it and remembers?

I also want to mention that although I never cared much for the idea of babies before, after a years HRT I too have had the occasional pang and several times when women have wheeled recently born babies into my shop I've felt positively gooey looking at them! 

[aurora17]

I read that somewhere too, but the advances in development of artifical womb, or womb transplant, make more sense, I think. There are experiments going on, and maybe 10 years to wait is not too unrealistic.

I hope I can carry my baby someday...