Therapy Question?

[Andi]

I had my first therapy session yesterday and it was not what I expected.  In my initial e-mail to her I told her exactly why I was seeing her and was seeking a HRT letter and a referral to an endo.  After I asked, she said she has three other individual she is seeing for the same thing so I felt somewhat comfortable that she could help. 

The therapist was really too nice to the point of being patronizing so I'm a bit confused.  She asked my history which was not unlike most other TG's and after I finished she seemed excited that I was doing this at a good time and she was looking forward to helping me with my transition. Everything she talked about was about how I was doing this at an exciting time and that society was changing to be more accepting and everyone in my life would still love me.  The session ended not long after when another client arrived.

Are all therapists like that?  I was expecting more input from her as I dominated the session and left with a feeling of getting nothing out of it.  I half expected to get my HRT letter as well but she said it would take about six weeks going one time a week.

Andi

[NicholeW.]

Therapists are not about handing you answers to your problems, nor imo, should we be about simply the giving of letters. There's a lot to transition other than the simple fact of a letter or two.

The mechanic, my dear, is you. If the therapist can help guide you to your own answers for your own life then we have done a good job. Of course, that view comes from the other chair, not the client side one.

Nichole

[Arch]

Everything she talked about was about how I was doing this at an exciting time and that society was changing to be more accepting and everyone in my life would still love me.  The session ended not long after when another client arrived.

Are all therapists like that?  I was expecting more input from her as I dominated the session and left with a feeling of getting nothing out of it.  I half expected to get my HRT letter as well but she said it would take about six weeks going one time a week.

First, Andi, let me ditto what Nichole says, but I should add that I'm coming from the client perspective, like you. You'll probably do most of the talking, and your therapist will be your guide or facilitator.

I don't think most folks get their letters right away. If you feel that the only reason you are seeing the therapist is for the letter, then it's going to be a long six weeks! I don't know what your attitude is or whether you have any issues to work through or what you want from therapy besides the letter. You might feel that you completely have your head together and are just marking time until you start HRT. If that's the case, another few sessions will do you no harm and will reassure your therapist that you are ready. But if you have stuff that you need to work through, take advantage of the opportunity to do it, and try not to obsess over when you'll get your HRT recommendation.

I'm a little disturbed about something, though. If your therapist said that everyone in your life will still love you, well, that seems like an unrealistic statement. She might have said that to reassure you, but she can't possibly know how people will react. I'm worried that she made it sound like a certainty rather than a possibility or even a probability. To me, this could be a little red flag. I'd be interested to hear what Nichole has to say about it.

[iFindMeHere]

Everything she talked about was about how I was doing this at an exciting time and that society was changing to be more accepting and everyone in my life would still love me.  The session ended not long after when another client arrived.

Are all therapists like that?  I was expecting more input from her as I dominated the session and left with a feeling of getting nothing out of it.  I half expected to get my HRT letter as well but she said it would take about six weeks going one time a week.

First, Andi, let me ditto what Nichole says, but I should add that I'm coming from the client perspective, like you. You'll probably do most of the talking, and your therapist will be your guide or facilitator.

I don't think most folks get their letters right away. If you feel that the only reason you are seeing the therapist is for the letter, then it's going to be a long six weeks! I don't know what your attitude is or whether you have any issues to work through or what you want from therapy besides the letter. You might feel that you completely have your head together and are just marking time until you start HRT. If that's the case, another few sessions will do you no harm and will reassure your therapist that you are ready. But if you have stuff that you need to work through, take advantage of the opportunity to do it, and try not to obsess over when you'll get your HRT recommendation.

I'm a little disturbed about something, though. If your therapist said that everyone in your life will still love you, well, that seems like an unrealistic statement. She might have said that to reassure you, but she can't possibly know how people will react. I'm worried that she made it sound like a certainty rather than a possibility or even a probability. To me, this could be a little red flag. I'd be interested to hear what Nichole has to say about it.

YES to what I bolded.

[Andi]

Thank you all for your replies.

What was bolded is exactly my point.  The therapist was agreeing to everything I said like she read it in the "Transgender Bible".  The only input I got from her was how I was moving toward my goal at "such an exciting time".

I wasn't expecting to get a letter right away.  Being that I have never seen anyone in this capacity before, I was at a loss as to what to say after I told her my history.  With the exception to my GID, I feel I have no other major problems.  I have a good job of 25 years making decient money and a wonderful supportive family.  I do not dwell in the past.  My attitude to my therapist was matter of factly as if I was teaching a class on how to boil water.  I'm confident in my convictions to the point where you would say I'm stubborn.

I'll go the the second session and see where it leads.

Andi

[Ms Jessica]

There's a Transgender Bible?  You mean I've been going about this all wrong?

I have a few points to make, but couldn't resist the joke first.  Sorry. 
Anyway, I get the impression that some therapists see people who are in "crisis mode".  The fact that you weren't speaks very well about your frame of mind, and your competence, and I'm sure that your therapist was pleased.  I have a feeling that's the source of all the positive reaction-- the therapist is initially trying to build a trusting relationship with the client, etc.  Sounds like she overplayed it a bit, but I don't think I would read too much into it.   

I would suggest, as you said, that you go to the second session and see where it goes.  If it's more of the same, then you might consider going to see someone else.  Just because a person is a gender therapist doesn't mean that they'll actually be much help to you. 
You aren't, or shouldn't be, locked into seeing only that one person, so if you decide after the second session that it isn't doing much for you, go see someone else. 

[prbc]

My therapist hasn't been that forthright. She does, however, give me a lot of questions to think about, or homework assignments as I like to refer to them as.  She hasn't really given me direct feedback, but she really does have some challenging questions for me to work on.

[Ms Jessica]

Hi Catherine--
Depending on how long you've been seeing your therapist, your situation may not be all that unusual.  Some of it also depends on the training that particular individual has had.  I've been seeing a behavioral therapist who sometimes gives me feedback, and I've also been seeing a psychoanalyst, who tends to just ask a lot of questions, and point out things, ask interesting questions, that sort of thing. 
Anyway, I guess the point is that my psychoanalyst sounds more like the individual you're seeing. 

It sounds like what you're doing is about right; your therapist ultimately won't make any decisions about what is or isn't appropriate for you, at least in the sense of your gender identity.  Getting you to think about those questions, and explore around them is your therapist's job.  The ultimate goal is making sure that you understand what's right for you.


   

[tekla]

I think that most, if not even very few, TG persons need therapy, they need a life instead.

[prbc]

Hi Catherine--
Depending on how long you've been seeing your therapist, your situation may not be all that unusual.  Some of it also depends on the training that particular individual has had.  I've been seeing a behavioral therapist who sometimes gives me feedback, and I've also been seeing a psychoanalyst, who tends to just ask a lot of questions, and point out things, ask interesting questions, that sort of thing. 
Anyway, I guess the point is that my psychoanalyst sounds more like the individual you're seeing. 

It sounds like what you're doing is about right; your therapist ultimately won't make any decisions about what is or isn't appropriate for you, at least in the sense of your gender identity.  Getting you to think about those questions, and explore around them is your therapist's job.  The ultimate goal is making sure that you understand what's right for you.


   

Hi Jessica, I have been in therapy for four weeks now, so I am not too far into the process. However, I think I have been making some good progress, and I am not conerned about the therapist not saying what I am or not. I feel like I have been open and honest with myself, and I think about my therapist's questions during the week. I keep a journal to record some of my thoughts and then I share those ideas with her. It is hard, but I feel like I unpacking a box, and there are so many layers to go through. As I have learned, it would be silly for me to just dismiss out of hand the possibility that I am a woman; something is there and always has been, so we just need to sort out what it is.

[Ms Jessica]

Hi Jessica, I have been in therapy for four weeks now, so I am not too far into the process. However, I think I have been making some good progress, and I am not conerned about the therapist not saying what I am or not. I feel like I have been open and honest with myself, and I think about my therapist's questions during the week. I keep a journal to record some of my thoughts and then I share those ideas with her. It is hard, but I feel like I unpacking a box, and there are so many layers to go through. As I have learned, it would be silly for me to just dismiss out of hand the possibility that I am a woman; something is there and always has been, so we just need to sort out what it is.

Sounds exactly right.  Use it as an opportunity to sort things out.  Your therapist may never tell you flat out whether you're trans or not, but you'll figure it out for yourself eventually.  Best of luck!

[markie]

I dont understand why you need a letter, dont therapists subscribe hormones? Sorry but I am new to all of this and I am scheduling my first therapy tomorrow.

In my initial e-mail to her I told her exactly why I was seeing her and was seeking a HRT letter and a referral to an endo.

Andi

[sneakersjay]

I dont understand why you need a letter, dont therapists subscribe hormones? Sorry but I am new to all of this and I am scheduling my first therapy tomorrow.

Therapists don't prescribe hormones; your endocrinologist does on the recommendation of your therapist.