How I came to be myself, SLOWLY

[scarboroughfair]

I think this would work for most! Try it!

Alright, You decided you NEED to live as yourself right?
Well let's get started on how I did it.
I wise woman on this forum pointed out how we come out is sometimes out of desparation, with me that is the case!
Now I'm like a runaway train that isn't afaid to be outspoken when I was once quiet.
Anyways, this is what I have to offer.

Before you make any moves coming out, you have to ask yourself this question! I MEAN IT.
Can you emotionally handle some of the crap you know your going to get?
Go through your mind and imagine how you would react to such a negative situation and be HONEST with yourself how you think you will be able to handle it.
If your like me, you may not be able to handle a whole lot at once.
So what I have done was take baby steps! You start of slowly in your transition to avoid the shock value. Meaning, you don't go to work with a beard on monday, then show up in a dress with all the make up and trimmings on tuesday declaring your true identitiy!
What do you think is going to happen in this cruel world? You have a very good chance of getting a whole lot of hate at one time, possibly enough to throw you back in the closet, but wait! There's more!
If you go back to the closet, how does that make you look on wednesday?
You will be further dug in to turmoil....
In my opinion, this process needs to take time. Baby steps, a little an a time! Like for instance I changed and plucked my eyebrows one day before work. I asked myself how I would react if someone said something. I figured I would tell them I'm feeling a bit feminine today! And I actually did!!!
I was comfortable enough with that little sting of hate to deal with it and have a comeback, I knew I would be able to handle it and continue to keep my eyebrows groomed the way I please.
Kool! Got the @ss hole used to that!

So now I'm ready for the next step, PERFUME BABY!!!! lol
I went and bought a bottle of my favorite perfume and gave myself a spray of it before I went to work, no one ever said anything!!!
But I was prepared if they did, this is key! You need to be able to be comfortable enough to continue no matter what kind of resistence you get! You must be at a point where you can defend yourself and walk away and continue! That is why I say take it in baby steps! You never want to back down! EVER!
TAKE BABY STEPS!!!
For every step you take, anticipate a reaction in order to KNOW if you can handle and deal with it. Don't dwell on it, you will know when the time is right!


So anyways, I switched to womens jwans, nothing was said.

I started wearing womens tennis shoes, got a few laughs, that was the extent of it and it didn't bother me because I anticipated it and knew I was comfortable enough to smile and walk past them emotionally un affected.

Then I started walking my NATURAL walk, that also got a few laughs! I don't care though because I know in my heart there is people out ther that love me for who I am!

Then, I started to shave my arms everyday! A hater came up and asked me why my arm was bleeding through my uniform (I nicked myself with the razor), My response was "Oh, I'm shaving my arms now, it isn't lady like to have hairy arms".
He shut his mouth and walked away! lol

Now Now! lol
eye liner! I love black eyeliner!
I started to wear that ever so lightly! lol
Haven't heard a word, but I know they talk behind my back.

But anyways, I move forward as I KNOW Ican handle it emotionally because you will surely look foolish if you back down!
Only move in small increments, and as you advance forward with the little smirks, stares and laughs, your building strenght!!!
Your building a solid foundation on being your self and knowing how to handle yourself.
ME?
I'm to the point where I am so outspoken I will do what I please and wear what I want and I will tell em to kiss my @ss! lol

I know for sure I am a girl! 100%

[Anonymouse]

If you want me to read past the first lines of your posts please don't write them in bright red. Its just too hard on my eyes.

Ann

[almost,angie]

I`m letting it all just happen to me. I`m not in any way going to start shaving my arms or any of that. When people start saying things like "OOPS wrong bathroom" I`ll know I`m passing pretty well. I want to be known as female not tranz.

[Stealthgrrl]

So true. I think that trying to be prepared for any fallout, and taking things one little step at a time, was the best way for me, anyway.

Btw, the red doesnt bother me at all, being my favorite color.

I've written elsewhere here that I caught more negative "stuff" in the early stages than at any other time. There are a lot of middle aged males where i work, and when they thought I had "turned gay" some of them felt called upon to make comments and stuff. I like your direct approach, Scarborough. Not disputing what's said, or agreeing, takes the power out of it for them and they don't usually have a next move. I know that approach is not always possible, and there are times to tell these people, in no uncertain terms, that it's time to back off, but for the most part, I believe one catches more bees with honey, or at least takes their stingers away.

I don't know why it should be, but once I came out as trans--when I could no longer proceed any further without doing so--I got a lot less trouble after that. It seems that, to these manly dudes, the worst thing you can be in world, is gay. The amusing thing is, I wasn't gay then, but am now haha. 

Anyhow, I did it the way you described here, one little detail at a time. As I recall, I started with things like waxing my eyebrows, coloring my hair and letting it grow out, shaving off body hair, etc. God that seems like a million years ago now, though it wasn't that long ago. 

Stealth

[Kara Lee]

I know that as I've become more comfortable with myself I think that my "inner" self is showing through more and more.  I'm just letting it do so naturally and not trying to force any of it.  I got my ears pierced several months ago, my hair is now down to my shoulders and over the next few months it will be cut into a more feminine style (gotta watch that my stylist doesn't go to far at one time) and slip in a feminine bit of clothing here and there and whala, I mean shazam! hmm, thats not quite right either...  anyway, gradual changes over time.  It's working for me.  I still can't believe that I have not had one comment on the earrings and just one comment from one supervisor to mine that my tail (the one day I had it pulled back) looked good.

ps scarboroughfair, that bold black is so readable I could probably run my fingers across the screen and read it that way, much appreciated :^)