Has your background helped you in areas women typically struggle with?

[pennyjane]

amen, hypathia.  and i'm glad this came up...have an appt for new tires on maggie weds, will remind...please, back them off a bit!

[Inamorata]

Evening dolls.

I was wondering about something. Do you think your background (being raised as male, treated as male, etc) has helped you in areas women typically struggle with?

For instance, a lot of women struggle with assertiveness and to some degree this is enforced by the 'proper feminine decorum' police. Assertive or confrontational women are often labeled bitches. So some women shrink back from speaking their mind in order to appear more 'pleasing' to others.

Another typically female struggle is body image and the pervasive belief among young girls and women that one need be pretty and thin to be worth anything. So many women measure their worth by their looks consciously or subconsciously. And if they fall short of the feminine ideal, they need to be working to achieve it.

The above issues and others wreak havoc on women's self image everywhere.
I'm sure there are hundreds of other mostly female struggles. If you can think of them, I'd be grateful.

So do you feel your background has enabled you to escape these female mind traps or are you just as susceptible?

Definitely not....I wasn't ever an assertive person. I was supressed and beated up a lot in my early life as a male because I looked like girl at an all boys school. I wasn't easily identifiable with males or their persuits..

[Ms Bev]

........ Think I'm getting the picture. You girls don't get exempt from all society's pressure on little girls.

Wait!

I'm exempt.  My Mom was a powerful woman, and raised her daughters and myself, a late blooming sister, to stand up for ourselves, and take no crap.  She also encouraged us all to earn degrees, a rarity in our blue, blue collar neighborhood.

It was an odd feeling several days ago when I was explaining water chemistry pertaining to ion exchange treatment systems I sold, when the guy asked me, "When you were a little girl, did you ever think you would have all that knowledge packed in your head?"

For once in my life, I was totally stupified, and at a total loss for words.  It was very difficult to get a handle on the chaotic collection of thoughts, and feelings I was having.  I chalked it up on the scoreboard to my female socialization.


Bev

[Hypatia]

OT... I have a book written for women titled Dare to Repair Your Car



Now that's some female empowerment.

[cindybc]

Well back in August Wing Walker and I walked out to the Jeep to discover that the back left wheel was flatter then a pancake. Wing Walker got the jack set under the back end and jacked it up. It was a struggle just to loosen the nuts off, got the flat tire off and to save our soul we didn't have the strength to lift the other wheel back on. Had to get the land lord to come down and finished the job for us. I know that I can't do that kind of stuff anymore it was  often a loosing battle to just get the nuts off before I even started transitioning. Never had the opportunity yet to experience having some nice gentleman stop and help with changing a flat. Almost tempted to pull off the road and just letting the air out of one of the tires to find out. 

Cindy

[tekla]

You are aware that rarely are women more at risk then sitting by the side of a highway with a flat tire?

[cindybc]

Cell phones! But then I was just joking about purposly letting the air out of a tire. A well, in my dreams having a Tom Selleck type gentleman coming along to the rescue.

Cindy

[tekla]

a dark night.  a pretty lonely and empty mile of North American Interstate, if you lucky some jerk like me or a Hell's Angel will stop to help, otherwise, Tom Selleck ain't who you meet.  You meet Ted Bundy.

[cindybc]

The mastodon slayer and his trusty club.

Cindy

[Rachael]

You are aware that rarely are women more at risk then sitting by the side of a highway with a flat tire?

walking alone at night is 90% more dangerous.... every time you do it

[cindybc]

Yep I learned that lesson early in my full time transitioning. I still joke about the two raccoon eyes, Well everyone at work got a good laugh, in a fun way of course. Thanks to the heavy make up I had on to cover up a five clock shadow *yuck* I was lucky that the raccoon eye was all I got.

Cindy

[sneakersjay]

Hypatia's Law of Tire Changing:
Lugnuts that were applied by hand can be removed by hand.
Lugnuts that were applied by impact wrench must be removed by impact wrench.

And this is why I have AAA for my car and roadside assistance for my RV. 


Jay

[Hypatia]

No way would I try to turn the tire iron by sheer muscular force which of course I ain't got. I put a foot on it, step up onto it, and use my full weight to turn it. Usually works. If it doesn't I got AAA.

[joannatsf]

To your original question, Nero, it's been a mixd bag for me.  I wasn't naturally assertive but I learned to be and was rewarded for doing so.  What's been strange since transition is people, especially male people, don't take me as seriously as they used to.  I've also found people think they can intimidate me more easily than in the past.

As far as looks go I've always felt like I wasn't atractive enough.  I lacked the chisled features and physique of a traditional Adonis.  It wasn't until I transitioned that I realised that I'd been an attractive man.  Now I have female body image problems.  I'm too fat, my boobs aren't big enough, my ass isn't round enough.  I can't win on that one

[cindybc]

Well I am happy with the results I did get during my transitional years. I came home with a more then I had truly anticipated ad I ain't going to knock that. As far as traits go I always had more of the feminine type of traits then I ever did guy ones to start with. I was just good at faking it for survivals sake.

Cindy

[tekla]

walking alone at night is 90% more dangerous.... every time you do it

Depends on where you are.  Most of the places I've lived were quite safe for women.  Oddly, the small Midwest towns are very safe, while the midwest freeways, with miles and miles of nothing - up to a hundred of them at a stretch - have proved quite deadly for many young women when their cars break down.

[cindybc]

Sobering thought, but then if you need to go on a trip a girls got to do what a girls got to do. Check all your tires and make sure they are all well inflated and still have good tread left on them, a good spare and a cell phone with cord and my big mama, my love, sittin beside me.

Cindy

[cindianna_jones]

It was an odd feeling several days ago when I was explaining water chemistry pertaining to ion exchange treatment systems I sold, when the guy asked me, "When you were a little girl, did you ever think you would have all that knowledge packed in your head?"

Bev

Uhm... Bev and all you others.... the answer to that question is quite easy girls and it is... drum roll.....


"Nope"

you need not lie or anything else.  Just say that you never woud have thought...

Cindi
(master of deception)

[Hypatia]

Back to the original question--

Nero, I know you didn't mean it in this light, but the question does bear on how trans women have been rejected from participating in feminism and other women's areas based on our history of alleged "male privilege" or "male entitlement." Lisa Harney revisited this ancient canard recently because it just refuses to die-- http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.com/2008/10/20/a-response-to-jane-on-christine-burns-podcast/

it's a pretty standard silencing tactic among anti-trans radical feminists (and others, let's be honest) to accuse trans women of exercising male privilege. Please ignore the fact that trans women are women and do not benefit from male privilege due to being women. She's not talking about privilege here, but the idea that trans women act from a sense of male entitlement. Of course, the entitlement in question is "a woman is asking for access to women-only space," and how is a woman asking for access to women-only space any sign of male entitlement? It's not, this is a catch-22. Trans women either acquiesce to active exclusion wielded against us (go read Beyond Inclusion by Cedar Troost right now) and we're excluded, or we assert that as women we belong, and we're accused of using non-existent male privilege to gain access.

I did not initially see your question in this light, Nero, and the fact that we went for 4 pages without it coming up may be a sign of progress. But reading Lisa's blog entry about this reminded me of the issue. Your question struck me at first as merely divorced from reality but basically well-intentioned and innocuous. However, others have pressed the same point with intent to attack and belittle us... just something to be aware of... No harm, no foul on your part though.

[Northern Jane]

.... "When you were a little girl, did you ever think you would have all that knowledge packed in your head?"

I have had similar questions over the years (usually more politely phrased). My stock answer has been along the lines

Sure. And I knew I would be forever trying to explain it to MEN!