Ok, so this is for significant others. I don't fit into that category, but I'm a parent with a lot of questions and I don't really see any other place to look. Her (still male but psychologically female so I'm gonna use female pronoun) wife isn't all that supportive, but my wife and I are going to the max to support our eventually-to-be daughter. Jess came out to us Monday afternoon/night/Tuesday morning. Apparently, she was really surprised by our acceptance. We had known something wasn't right for about six years, and were really worried about her. I know this is a HUGE issue for her, but we were really relieved that it was something that has a solution. She had bottled up her feelings for so long, it was really nice to hear her laugh. I have enormous feelings of guilt that she was so miserable at what she perceived as her failure to live up to what she perceived as my expectations. She has been seeing a therapist of 'depression' but that was only a small part of the problem. After talking to my wife and me, she's in the process of finding a new therapist with experience in the right area. Because of her current situation at her home, she will be moving in with my wife and myself, and, hopefully, staying with us throughout her transition. After telling the two kids still at home (both male--ages 18 and 15); their response was 'ok, no big deal,' their biggest concern was that she would be hogging the bathroom. That was alleviated when we discussed chores. She is going to take over cleaning up the kitchen, and both boys were overjoyed. We HAVE tried to raise them in a somewhat open, accepting manner; I guess it worked. I'm somewhat confused about all this, and feeling guilty that she's been SO miserable for so long. I feel like it's something that I should have known about a long time ago, so we could have started working together for a solution. But, that's water under the bridge. What I need to know is what I can specifically do to help her through a long, involved, painful (both physically and emotionally) process. As to acceptance, after raising five boys, having a daughter is going to be a lot of fun. Pity she doesn't like fishing, though; that's a big part of my life, but I have to understand that fishing is part of MY life, not her's. Right now, we've told her that she is ALWAYS welcome in our home (especially as she is going to move in), and to act like herself, in whatever way she feels comfortable. What we need to know is how to make her feel comfortable. I suppose I have to pound it through her head that even if she is female, that doesn't mean she can't thump the crap out of anyone who bothers her. Self-defense is a viable option, at least in my opinion. Even to the point of armed response. Do I worry about her? Hell yes, I do. The therapist she had been seeing managed to push her almost to the point of suicide. I was ready to kill him. Literally. Fortunately, she got that mess straightened out, and got some good advice (and an apology) from him. Hmm, this posting isn't turning out quite like I planned. I guess I'm just rambling on. We had a saying when I was in the Air Force: "I may not agree with their choice, but I will defend with my life their right to make that choice." Well, that still holds with me. Her choice isn't one that I'd make, but I am determined to support it. I just need the tools and information to do that. I welcome any comments, recommendations, references, hell, just about anything that will help us out.
wajdi (Jess' dad)
