Hi again, Kristen, small world in this here cyber space, eh? I believe you did the wise thing, planning ahead, that is the basis of an organized transitioning. That is, if you were fortunate enough to have the knowledge of what transsexualism, GID, and transitioning are before starting your journey. Transitioning to be who you know to be the inner-self, the spark that keeps you alive inside. If only I would have had the luxury of having that knowledge some time before hand at my disposal, it may have been a much more smoother road for me into transition.
As it was I didn't not know what was wrong with me, why was I so possessed by wanting to be a girl, to the point of actually suffering inside like a tormented creature unable to find its way out of the trap it was caught in. So naive was I of any concept of GID that I thought myself to be possessed by some sort of female demon.
Then one day 12 years ago I was awakened, and the light of enlightenment shone upon me as I made a great discovery and was assured I was not possessed by demons and that what I was inflicted with was called GID, and that by all indications that I was most likely what was called transsexual. Those two words were to me like being given freedom from an eternal incarceration into the deepest and darkest dungeons of desperation.
Once I started onto my first tentative steps of the transitioning journey I learned so much about my new self, like being born again into a new world that glittered and sparkled with new hope. I became a new person, one that knew what love was, how to show compassion, and how to feel, and above all how to trust another human spirit once again.
There are psychological changes where you will perceive and see the world around you differently through another's eyes. Then there are also all those subtle but perceptible physical changes and attributes your body undergoes. It's a trip, a beautiful trip, one in a life time. Don't fight it, just let go and go with the flow.
Well since I was in a writing mood for expressing emotion and feelings, I let myself go to the very depths of my own being to express those feelings. This, to me, was what transitioning meant. Maybe I was blessed but I certainly believe that I may have been more than well compensated during transition to make up for all the horrible years of my previous life. Don't get me wrong, I too can reach back and bring forth some memories of happier times as a male from my younger past, but then if I really think about it, it may very well have been Cindy living those experiences. Nothing lost but everything gained.
Cindy
