Dr. Brassard got back to me, and because he can't inspect me he doesn't know what's going on if he can't inspect me.
My family doctor here believes that giving me lots of pain killers is the solution -- although, I don't like it. It creeps me out that I can take 4 T3's, walk to work, and not feel high or anything. I have to take six of them before things start to level off pain wise and get that stoned feeling (LOL). At this moment, I just have been cutting the pain killers down and living with the pain since I really don't like the idea of being an addict and constantly having to up my dose to get pain relief. I've cut it down to almost nothing, but it means cramping over lots.
After bugging my doctor for a month, he finally put a rec in for an ultra sound for the end of the month. So, I don't know if that will come up with anything or not.
He's supposed to put in a rec for a urologist, but that hasn't happened yet.
He's good for getting hormones, but for other things he seems to not know what to do.
As for the bleeding, it's on and off. I hasn't been happening as much recently, or is just spotting. I still keep getting swelling above my public bone, on either side (sometimes right, sometimes left, sometimes both, and sometimes feels like it's in the center at the same time). It hurts. Some days the swelling gets as hard as a rock.
Hopefully the ultra sound comes up with something.
The weird thing is that this is similar to pain I had earlier in the year, that lasted three months and I went from doctor to doctor with very little help because they'd say it's one thing, but upon saying I'm trans they'd say it's impossible and nothing would get done. *shrugs* That was post-op. Although, at the time, I didn't have the bladder issues.
The bladder issues seem to be connected to any pressure being put on my bladder -- lots of moving, lifting, standing for a long time, bending over lots, coughing, sneezing, etc. So, for that I keep doing the kegel exercises. No improvement at the moment, and has gotten worse as the pain + swelling has gotten worse.
So, I don't really know what to do. A few people in town have suggested specialist that might help, but it's a long wait -- months and months and months and months. And I also would have to get a rec to see the specialists. Just to get an ultra sound it's becoming almost a months wait.
This hasn't been constant since surgery, however. 2 months after surgery I didn't have much bladder problems at all. It's only gotten bad in the last couple of months, and this month it's been killer.
My doc has tested my urine several times, but it comes back negative for infections. It's an interesting experience to learn to pee into a cup. LOL
I've just had the normal blood tests, etc, which come back with nothing out of the ordinary except really, really high levels of estrogen (abt 2500-ish, and normal should be a lot lower than that, like between 200-500). I'm on a low-dose of estrace, not even keeping it under my tongue anymore, I just swallow -- and usually end up forgetting and missing doses. I haven't found anyone who's had comparable levels... with the high levels I do experience feeling dizzy from time to time, but my thyroid seems to be fine. The doc just says it's weird. Same thing he said last time, pre-op when I got the pain and my levels went from 1000 (no pain) to 1900 with pain and swelling; no change in medication or routine. T levels are the same post-op as they were pre-op, really low, at 0.5. Pretty much off the register. Pre-op, of course, I took a low-dose of spiro, and post op I don't take any spiro.
I'm also on anti-dizzy pills. I get dizzy from time to time and my immune system seems to still not be up to normal -- I'm taking tons of vitamins to avoid get sick at the moment. Other wise, I seem to get sick a lot. It's been happening for almost a year now.
So, anyway, hopefully the ultra sound comes up with something. I don't know what's swelling inside of me, and why it seems to be getting worse -- but I really think what ever is swelling up so much is pushing on my bladder and causing those kinds of problems. As for the random bleeding, I don't know why that is happening, but I know it comes from the very back of my vaginal canal. The very back of my vaginal canal doesn't hurt to the touch, but any slightest pressure and it really hurts. It makes dilating painful if I put the slightest pressure -- and no pressure means I have lost some depth. Girth is no issue for me.
I've talked to a lot of people, and this problem isn't common. Brassard doesn't even seem sure what's going on. No body I talked to, ever, has had the same stuff going on.
I'm starting to get used to doctors saying I'm "weird" and not sure what to do, or test. I think I should have the CT scan, although. Even when I got my last ultra sound the tek said, and recommended to my doc that I get a CT scan. That was in March. I don't know if the two are related. And, it could be a number of things going on -- any form of tissue could be swelling down there. It would be just nice to know what the problem is, and go from there. I'm not going to assume much until things get more pin-pointed.
The said thing is, if I were 100% biologically a woman, I would have been tested more. It sux to go to a doctor, explain the problems, have them tell me what they think it most-likely is, based on the symptoms -- and then explaining that I'm trans and having them go, "um, ur....I don't know." And then they get all weird on me 'cause I'm not in their text books.
And the thing is, I don't know how much is related to surgery or not. I felt great after two months of surgery. No pain. No pain killers. Very few accidents, if any. And now, accidents and pain is a daily thing. So, it's a very confusing thing -- and I'm not even sure what can be done about it.
Anyway, I'll keep people updated. I just wanna be fixed. This just bites and with it getting worse, it sux. I feel disabled. I have bawled over this a lot, even at work when the pain get so bad that I faint, and I'm constantly changing my pads. I have a girl friend, but now I've gotten to the point that I can't be intimate with her with my girly parts. And yes, I could have sex before, no problems, but now any pressure down there sends a wave of pain, and leaks. It's affected my life a lot, personal, relationships, and at my job. And all I want is to know what it is, get it fixed, and live my life normally. Pain killers just band-aid it -- I'd pick being fixed and having a normal life over being stoned off pain killers any day.
--natalie
