The Letter I Just Sent Off USPS Priority Mail (Certified)... To my Mom.

[mtfbuckeye]

Dear Mom,

I know that I'll be seeing you soon at Thanksgiving, but I felt like I needed to tell you some things before I came out there, and writing them down is the clearest way to do that.

Mom, this will be hard for you to read, but I'm just going to come out and say it. I am quite sure that I am transsexual, and I am going to start seeing a therapist specifically for that to sort things out. In the simplest terms, this means that I want to change my appearance and social role to that of a female, and I'll achieve this through therapy, hormones, and, eventually, surgery.

My wife is supportive, but obviously cannot make promises about the long term. Our goal is to stay together even if I go all the way with my transition from male to female. Even if our marriage doesn't work out, we plan to stay close both emotionally and geographically so I can be a part of our son's day-to-day life.

I know that this might be a shock, but it has been building for a long time. I remember specifically things like being in True Value hardware with Dad when I was 8 or 9 years old, and this older guy behind us in line thought I was a girl. I didn't correct him, and I liked that he thought I was a girl. When I was a teenager, I would sneak clothes out of my sisters' closets and wear them secretively. There's lots of other things like this in my past, and I think a lot of my unhappiness, stress and anxiety is tied up in trying to hold all of this inside.
   
Do you remember when we were driving down the California coast before I moved out to Ohio, and I had that total emotional breakdown? Or when the same thing happened in Orlando a few years ago? I have fairly severe emotional problems, Mom, and I need to know once and for all if it is because I am transsexual. That is why I am seeking professional help for this.

It's important for you to know that there is no "blame" to take for this. I have ALWAYS been like this: Emotional, sensitive and feminine in a lot of my personality traits. I've always wondered if I would have been happier as a girl, and I don't want to wait until I'm 50 or 60 years old to figure things out. You also need to know that I'm not going to become some totally different person. I'll still love the Seahawks, Red Sox, movies, politics, and video games; I'll still have the same personality, and most importantly you'll still be my Mom and I'll still love you. 

Mom, I love you. That will never, ever change. You've been supportive of me through the years no matter what, and I hope that support will continue through this process. My wife and I have already told her parents, and they are supportive, as are the friends I have told about this so far.

I hope in my heart that after reading this, you still want me to be there for Thanksgiving. No matter what you decide, know that I love you. Feel free to share this with our immediate family, but please do not tell anyone else in the family yet. PLEASE give me a call after you've read this.

With love

November 16, 2008

[vanna]

Well to be honest J i dont think you could of put it better,

it's touching and heart warming. Its never easy to come out and your very brave hunny.

Hugs and best of luck.

[gina]

Very well said, I wish you luck and hope it works out as easy as it could for you. 

gina

[Janet_Girl]

Very well written and I am sure she will have a million questions.  But I think you approached it in a good way.

I hope everything turns out for you and that you have a great time with your Mom and family on Thanksgiving.

Oh and by the way.  Go Hawks.

[Kelley Jo]

If you were my kid I'd be proud of you. What is contained in your letter is a demonstration that your parents did a good job raising you. I sincerely hope they look at it from that perspective. I bet they will.

[Mr. Fox]

A better coming out letter than I managed, that's for sure.  Congratulations and good luck!
Adrian

[lady amarant]

That was a very good letter honey. I hope your mom responds positively. Keep us updated, k?

~Simone.

[Dana_W]

That's an excellent letter, and I hope your visit goes well.

I've been debating the merits of the letter vs. phonecall vs. in-person coming out talk with my parents. I'll be interested to hear how this approach works for you.

If it doesn't go well I certainly wouldn't attribute it to how you worded the letter though. That seems quite good. Now you just have the followup questions to handle. I hope they go well for you.

[almost,angie]

 That is a really good letter. I would think a well written leter as yours would work out good even if the person on the other side is closeminded.( I`m not saying your mom is)

I really hope it all works out for you.

Oh and good luck with Susan

[Fox]

Well written letter and well defined. It definatly gives me hope just to read soemthing like that and I feel your trepidation at waiting to see how it will be recieved. I wish with all my heart it goes well for you.

[Jeatyn]

Best of luck hun, fingers crossed for ya