I think I might be a transgender...but I'm not sure...help!!!

[antarcticsake]

So

I have so many indicators that I could be transsexual/transgender

Let me just give ya the big ol' laundry list

Ok *whewww* here goes:

* I tried on my mom's pantyhouse when I was 5.
* I kept running for my mom's silk, anything made of silk, from the age of like 6 on.
* I used to wear blush from time to time from like 8-10...rarely though.
* I once went to Kaufmann's, and I remember this EVER so explicitly!  I went into the girl's dept. with my mom and found a shirt that caught my eye--a green, crushed velvet shirt, and I demanded to have it.  After a lot of convincing, I finally got it. I was 7.
* I used to try on my mom's fur coats and wish to god that I could have one someday. 
   Which then prompted her asking me when I was about 8 or 9 if I felt like a woman inside and of course that freaked me out so i was like "um...a man!"
* I identify now as a gay male...not that that helps or anything haha
* When I was in preschool, preschool!! mind you, we would all play dress up.  i would run over to the dresses, and spin around and just love the feeling of being in them.  My teachers (acc. to my mom!) would tell me to take them off and I refused and said I was a girl and they would tell me I was a boy and I would never accept it.
* I used to ask my mom if I was born a girl.  This was back, maybe, when I was around 9 or 10.
* A lot of the time when I have a sexual fantasy, I see myself as a girl. 
* When I walk around, I have the mentality of a girl.  I can just feel it.
* I HATE my body hair.  I just want it to all disappear.

However...I never put much thought into genitals.  I'm kind of apathetic.  I mean having a man's parts is inconvenient when you don't want them to awaken...but I mean I don't really care about that.
Boobs, I subconsciously think I might want them.  I used to walk around jokingly and stuff my bras.
* At college last year and this year I played dress up.  Those were some great nights.
* When I aim to get thin, and look for people to be inspired by...they're always women.  I always want THEIR abs.  Never a six pack.  I don't wanna get muscle.  I want to be curvy. 

So.  I really don't know.

I want to have long hair.

But the whole genital thing throws me off.  I mean I wanna wear women's thongs too...but I don't get turned on by wearing women's clothing.  So I'm confused.

And lately it's been consuming my life.  And yet, sometimes, it goes away for a week at a time and I barely think about it, then sometimes it resurfaces and goes INSANE! 

Help!!??!!

[Kristen]

I did the same things and felt the same way. Now I am taking female hormones and plan on living the rest of my life as a woman. I am very happy with this.

You need to come to your own conclusion. No one can tell you who you are and what you should do to be happy.

[Janet_Girl]

First things first.  Do you have a gender therapist.  It is the best place to start and will open doors for you.

Otherwise, sounds very familiar.

[Saraloop]

 Sounds like you really like to be able to act how girls do and wear what they wear. If you're apathetic about your genitals then some would probably argue that you are not transgendered since you're not super duper uncomfortable with your body..
But, remember that labels are just labels. You don't need to be Transgendered to want to act like a girl, but it does set you apart from the majority... so people might judge you.. meaning you might feel more comfortable acting how you want if you had a female body to match your behavior. it's up to you. changing your body would be a choice rather than a necessity (because most transgendered feel like they 'need' to have the opposite body rather than 'prefer')

That's just my take..
Much like you, I'm more uncomfortable with behavior rather than my body...  I'd say it's not something unnatural.. it's just that most people are sheep and will follow society regardless of how uncomfortable they are.

[TamTam]

Just so you know, transgender and transsexual people are not necessarily 'turned on' by the thought of wearing women's clothes.  So, if you're not, don't take that as a 'reason' why you are or aren't a certain way.

[Kate Thomas]

One thing is for sure
That is you have lots of homework to do.
we can help but in the end its your decision
be sure to check out the WIKI
You might be intrested in our many links on the main page
or if you would like to Chat
As Janet mentioned a gender therapist could be found here
oh  be sure to check out the rules

[Fox]

In regard to your genital apathy one thing to understand not all TS people are the same and not every single case is the most exterme desire for multilation of the male private area.
I had the same feeling regarding my male reproductive organ at first you could take it or leave it I wouldn't miss it but i wasn;t running for a knife. I know i am a woman though and thats what it comes down to only YOU can fully decide what you are. Not even a therapist can tell you yes or no. It is a personal revelation that we all undergo. However that aside i definatly recommend seeing a therapist because they can help you along the way to self realization

[vanna]

Yup as fox says

its easy to get taken along with the flow of things and think being ts means an envitable transition and srs.
We all come in different boxes and thrashing that out with your therapist and your own internal feelings are really the only way to go.

Transition isnt easy at times and it shouldnt be rushed into as others on Susans will tell you.