I'm unsure about coming out

[Mina_Frostfall]

I want to transition as soon as I can. So, I also want to see a therapist as soon as I can. But before all of this I really need to come out to my parents first. I'm sure I'm not in any danger of losing them over this, but I am still afraid to tell them. What should I tell them? Should I just say "hey, I think I have gender issues"? I just don't know how to start. What should I do to prepare for it? I really need help here. I don't think there is anything that could be harder to do than this.

[Jeatyn]

I definitely recommend the letter approach, that way you can say exactly what needs to be said without getting interrupted or without emotions getting in the way

[almost,angie]

 Oh girl I`m so glad you`ve desided to come out to your parents. Perhaps just tell them you think you need to see a theripist they should ask you why at that point and then you could say , " I think I have some gender issues and go from there. I really hope it all works out for you and you can get omn your way.

[Dana_W]

I'm guessing you're on the younger side and still living with parents. So in that case, I definitely think telling them is a good idea. If nothing else it should help you convince them that therapy might be a good idea.

I would start exactly how you asked "I think I have gender issues." Then try to be as honest with them as you can when they ask for specifics. You might look for a book like True Selves to have on hand to help them see where you're coming from. If you have any friends who you feel might be more sympathetic to come out to first, that might help. You'll want as much support as you can muster before you tell your parents. They don't need to be your very first step. But they're an important one.

It's not easy. It doesn't get easier later in your life either, so there's no great benefit to putting it off. But life in general gets better when you stop feeling like you have to hide and be dishonest about your identity.

I wish you the best.

[findingreason]

Hi Aelita_Lynn,

I would recommend the letter or email approach for coming out. It would give you a chance to get your thoughts down how you want them to, without the possibility of getting distracted from the conversation, which could be most awkward indeed. Just tell flat out how you feel and what goes on in your life, and why you need to do this for yourself.

And the fear is completely understandable , a lot of us have been there and done that, so you have a ton of people backing you up in how you feel. I remember my first coming out with an SO, I don't remember exactly, but I do know I never knew clicking a mouse button on "send" could ever be such a difficult thing to do.

It sounds like your parents are open-minded from the way you speak about them, so it sounds like it will turn out well. I wish you the best of luck on this .

[Mina_Frostfall]

I came out to my mom. She was very understanding, but she had doubts about it saying that I never really acted feminine. She said that I'm probably over analyzing things and trying to come up with a diagnosis from that. We decided to hold off on telling my dad though until we get some things sorted out. It just so happens that I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow so I can bring it up there.

It's weird though. I thought I would feel relieved after coming out. But instead I feel deeply uncomfortable. Is that normal?

[Fox]

Unfortunatly when your young parents reactions is often times doubt and belief that your diagnosing yourself wrong because they somehow think you want to be that way. The thing they don't realize is that knowing who and what you are can only come from within and can never be placed on you or told to you. Then the next problem if they do accept it is that while they say they understand that its not a choice in reality they just don't get it. They tend to think that its some kind of choice that while being a strong desire is something you can place other priorites above and treat like just some other goal in life. The true nature of the transition or eventualy face hell escapes them but im sure in time it will finally dawn on them.  When you start to become more and more female in their eyes true understanding will finally come to them hopefully. Heh least she didn't tell you why can't you just be gay

[Anisha]

Try giving them a letter.Its the perfect way to communicate your thoughts with your parents clearly....

Hope for the best ,
Prepare for the worst

[Mina_Frostfall]

I talked to the psychiatrist today and she said she would give me a referral to see a therapist!  She says she has to pick out the person she thinks is best, then she'll call me!

[Nicky]

Way to go Aelita_Lynn! Making progress.

It is good that the psychiatrist knows they are out of their depth here. Hopefully they refer you to someone good. Remember that if you don't get along with the new therapist you can always request someone else.

[findingreason]

That's awesome Aelita_Lynn! I'm so glad for you!

[kitty]

Heh least she didn't tell you why can't you just be gay

When I came out to both my mother and father at different times I got the impression it would be worse if I was gay, it was weird the most important question to them seemed to be was did I like men cause that would be wrong

[Fox]

Hmm I guess it depends on the social and religous views of the parents. Parents that are more socialy liberal and less strongly religous(at least any religon that disagress with homosexuality) are more inclined to be acepting of whatever sexual prefrence you have but are going to be more concerned about a tg issue since its something that is alot more obvious in public and appearnce. May also have alot to do with the location you live in. I noticed you where from Ireland(other than that though I have no idea what current Ireland's tolerance is like). One thing I think that shows is that in America despite not having won total rights and freedom yet the gay community has won alot more rights and recognition than the ts community

[Mina_Frostfall]

My mom and I talked again about my issues, and this time I told her that I did in fact want a sex change some day. She cried when I told her that. She said that she was crying because she didn't want things to be hard for me. Now I really feel bad about telling her. I could deal with her saying it's wrong or something like that, but I can't stand to think that it's hurting her out of concern for me. I kind of wish she was angry at me instead and thought I was a pervert. I could deal with that, but this just hurts too much.

[almost,angie]

 It sounds like a normal loving mother to me. Don`t feel bad it had to happen sometime better now than when you`re 40. With her help things don`t have to be so hard for you.

[Patriciaz]

It always seems difficult but many times we are surprised by the reactions - positive usually. I will also take the neutral reactions. It is the negative ones that are the most painful and your mother seems to be a very positive and caring person regarding your situation. Please try to see how important this is because, I am sure, you will have to deal with far worse occasionally in life. Good wishes to you.

[katherine]

Heh least she didn't tell you why can't you just be gay

When I came out to both my mother and father at different times I got the impression it would be worse if I was gay, it was weird the most important question to them seemed to be was did I like men cause that would be wrong

How interesting.  I told my mother during a very emotional moment on the phone that I had something important to tell her.  She asked "Are you gay?"  I replied, "I wish it were that easy."  Two things you and I share in common, Katherine.

[katherine]

Hello Aelita,
I wish I had done what you have when I was young.  I knew I was different very early in life, but didn't understand it and was pretty confused.  Back then, I'd never heard of transsexualism, etc. (besides, I really was very young).  I think you've done the right thing and I truly hope things progress well for you.  Always believe in yourself, know who you truly are.  Your mother will need your support just as you need hers.