I thought I would post this on here, just to vent a little.
I've been full time for almost a year now, and it isn't exactly easy, especially living in a place like Alabama.
My biggest problem isn't exactly the transitioning, but the loneliness. I have very few friends, and even fewer (more like 1) where I live now. I knew that going full time would be a hard battle, I just didn't realize it would be a lonely battle. It is even harder to have a relationship.
I consider myself bi, but I can't really see myself with a guy for the rest of my life, unless he proves the "stereotype" wrong. I already know who I want to be in a relationship with, but sadly, she isn't ready at the moment. So....Life marches on.
I get so depressed sometimes thinking if it is really worth being happy with my body if it means I won't have hardly any friends. Is it worth being lonely until after my srs? Will I ever even have my srs? Should I just "try" to live as a guy for the sake of not being lonely? It is a battle of loneliness and happiness. What is even worse, the girl I like is going through the same issues. It's bad enough me going through it, but when someone you care more about than yourself is going through it, and you feel there is nothing you can do to help her, makes me feel even more worthless and helpless.
I know I should "give it time", "keep my head up", "don't give up, and yadda yadda yadda, but it is so hard not to want to give up. I don't want to kill myself, but I just don't know how to live.
So to summarize, I am lonely, depressed, in love, and hopeless at the moment. =\
