I choose.........what do you choose?

[Sephirah]

Okay, people, can we please not make this thread personal? Please bear in mind rule #15 of the site rules:

15. You may challenge the issue, but never people or groups.

With regard to the original post:

I feel often that people hide behind the saying "I was born this way, I had no choice", as a way of not taking responsibilty for where they are in life.
You see, as soon as you make a choice, you take ownership of what is happening in your life, and you empower yourself, by claiming you had no choice disempowers you and you can just wallow in the place that you are at, basically be apathetic and going no where.

Ok, before I am shot down in flames, this is what I feel, you might feel differently, so lets discuss this..........

Often that's true, with a lot of things, not just gender issues. There are almost always choices, even if they're ones we don't like, or don't want to face. The decision to not acknowledge these choices is a choice in itself, albeit a subconscious one.

However, one cannot choose how they're born. Once they're born, old enough to learn what choice is, then free to make those choices rather than have them made for them by parents and whatnot... then one can go about taking control of their life the way they see fit.

Those are my thoughts.

[iminadaze]

However, one cannot choose how they're born. Once they're born, old enough to learn what choice is, then free to make those choices rather than have them made for them by parents and whatnot... then one can go about taking control of their life the way they see fit.

Those are my thoughts.

How true that is!


Ok i was gonna write about how my mothers passing effected me, and how I didn't choose certain things

and I just got a call telling me my brother just died.....Eff this life I didn't choose it....I gotta go

[Simone Louise]

Nicole_M, I am indeed sorry to hear about your losses. Do write more about how you feel when you are ready. Let me know if I can be helpful.

S

[Shana A]

I didn't choose to have a feeling of disconnect between my psychic vs physical gender, however I did/do make conscious choices on how to make this work for me in my life.

Z

[Janet_Girl]

Nicole_M,

I am so sorry to hear that you have now lost your brother.  You have my deepest condolences.

And a Really Big Hug
.

Janet

[Jaimey]

@Nichole_M, *hugs*  I'm sorry for your loss.

I feel often that people hide behind the saying "I was born this way, I had no choice", as a way of not taking responsibilty for where they are in life.

I think it's a good idea to point out that this thread was about empowerment, not choosing to be transgendered.  I was thoroughly confused reading through this whole thread.  In my opinion, it was badly worded, so let's try to be clearer in what we're saying when we start threads that may be controversial. 

Having said that, I agree that not letting your circumstances control you is important.  But it's extremely difficult to empower yourself all by yourself.  That's sort of the point with forums like these.

by claiming you had no choice disempowers you and you can just wallow in the place that you are at, basically be apathetic and going no where.

I actually disagree with this.  There is a difference between saying, "I have no choice" and wallowing in it and accepting that 'this is how it is' and moving on.  I didn't have a choice in being androgyne.  And I'm okay with that.  That's the difference.  Drowning yourself in despair and constantly saying, "why me?" is quite dangerous and harmful.  I just think this part is more about acceptance than choice.



Just for future reference, I think a topic like this should be approached differently.  Instead of trying to spark a debate, come at it from a positive approach or pose your thoughts in the form of a question.  The first post seems a little confrontational to me and it really isn't a controversial subject.  Perhaps you could have told your story and explained to us how you embraced your circumstances.  Understanding what you were asking, I just don't see why it needed to be such a heated topic or why you felt you might go down in flames. 

[Bombi]

wow! even though this "debate" is riddled with emotion I smile when I consider how civil the interaction has been.
When one considers we as a group , and all the criteria involved and our diversity and our differences it great to see this degree of respect.
That's what I want and what I try o give everyone. one love

[Pica Pica]

Mmm, there seems to be at least two ways to look at a problem.

It's my fault  Vs   It's not my fault....

And these seem irresprctive of the problem. So someone can break a television because they were throwing a tennis ball around and still claim, 'It's not my fault,' just as someone with something they can't change (androgynity for example) and claim, 'It is my fault.' And both would be wrong and would hinder the solution of that problem.

However dysphoria, like a lot of stresses and strains does seem to have a greater stranglehold the more room you give it. Being androgyne is not your fault, feeling dysphoric is not your fault - but mulling on the dysphoria is. When I was at my worst, it was partly because I had nothing but a boring job as a waiter to distract me, I was barely writing or reading - didn't meet with friends. I think that some huge extremes of dysphoria are self perpetuating and really disable you, and that is horrid.

I don't knickers were being twisted this time, we are talking real pain, but the extremes of pain can be lessened.