I told my Mom

[angelsgirl]

I've had an exhausting day today.  I made the decision to tell my mother the truth about Jocelyn and I.  From October until today she thought I was dating a man named Josh.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I had to do it over the phone because she lives 300 miles away and I don't have a car (at least, not one that will get me that far!)  This method was kind of good and bad because the phone is a little impersonal but at the same time at least I wasn't stuck in the same house with her.

She reacted....um...not great about it, but she didn't disown me either.  She is just convinced that when it's all said and done that Jocelyn will leave me for a man and that this is yet another relationship in which I put all my time and energy into it, neglect my own needs and end up with nothing but wasted time.  She said that "Josh" was selfish for placing that burden on me and that if "he" really loved me that "he" wouldn't drag me down this path along with "him". 

I'm sure you know that I totally disagreed with her.

In the course of the conversation, I ended up having to explain to her that I am bisexual.  She reacted even worse to that.  She claimed that such a thing really doesn't exist and it's just that I'm confused and don't know what I want and that I didn't have sleep with everyone that wanted to sleep with me. (Which is something I have never done, that would be gross!) She basically said it would've been better had I simply been a lesbian. She said that I need counseling to sort out who I am, because I clearly don't know who I am if that's how I'm going to behave. 

Then she went on and on about how I could've done anything I wanted with my life.  That I didn't need to be with anyone to be complete (I never said that my relationship made me complete, that's her interpretation) that if I needed to help people so badly that I should join the Peace Corps and not let myself be taken advantage of by "Josh".  But she says that she wants me to be happy.  I told her I was happy, but she said that I didn't know myself well enough to know when I was really happy.

We had it out.  Rather unpleasantly.  I don't know where to go from here.

[Chynna]

Time Baby ...........Time

You gave the woman quiet a shock one her daughters a leisbian...2 her daughters dateing a TS

WOW

She'll come around just remind her of all the good times you have shared with your mom about JOSH and shell realize she makes you happy!

Later Chica And good luck love you!
Chynna

[Melissa]

I can see how coming out to your mom could be worse that the TS coming our to his or her parents.  Your parents see what you are doing as a choice (and maybe it is), but there is no way to construe any other perception.  In a way, that has to be harder, because you have no alternate course in which to approach them.  However, as Chynna said, they just need time and hopefully they will come to accept the gravity of the situation.

Melissa

[Kate]

"Bide your time and hold out hope"- Gankutsuou

Indeed

Like Chynna said, she was hit with a lot all at once. Give her time... you just received the reflexive mom reaction, the one which panicked and worried about you, without much concern for your feelings.

She'll think... and ponder... compassion and empathy may come to replace opinions and judgement.

In time

[HelenW]

I feel certain that the woman who raised such a wonderful daughter will come around before too long.

Maybe a heartfelt letter might work to hasten that along?  You write and express yourself well and a letter will allow your mom to read and reread and think about it for awhile.

Yes, she was treating you a little like you still are a child and that's annoying but it's also a measure of her love.  I was in my mid-thirties and my mom would still ask, "Don't you want to take a sweater out there?" as if I couldn't decide for myself.  We remain our parent's children forever.

You'll get through this.
helen

[Bob]

In time !
time heals all wounds , or so they say...
and Helan said the truth of the matter... you are her child and You don't know any better
and she must have messed up some where raising you for you to be like this !
its guilt, hurt, uncertanity and blame all rolled into one and its your Mom !
she will still try to convince you for months probly that being normal is better... she'll try everything she can think of , guilt trips , reverse psycology, remembering the good o'l days when you were NORMAL.... stuff...  So be ready for it ! it will come !
you must educate her.... slowly and with love.
in time she'll come arround.
if not... you can't say you didn't try ! but give it all you got and try hard !<grin>
.....
Bob........

[angelsgirl]

Thanks, everybody!

I know that what you're all telling me is true and it's what I suspected all along, but I really did need the reassurance that you've all given me...and I am very appreciative of it.  You're right that she'll probably come around eventually, and it's not like she's not speaking to me or has disowned me or anything...I just think it's going to be a sore point for some time.

By the way, Kate, that was cute that you pointed out the advice in my own quote! Yeah, I know you're right, but when did I ever take my own advice? 

Thank you again, to everybody, you are all very sweet!

~Kelly