So there I was, heading home on my bike in the pouring rain, celebrating the official end of the semester. I took a different route than usual, a quicker way. When I turned out of school onto the street, this guy passed me walking. A second later he called out to me, so I stopped, 'cause I'm nice like that--I figured he needed directions or something. No, rather, he came over and asked my name, then told me how beautiful I am. Then he asked if I was single, and I lied and said no, and he asked if I had a boyfriend, and I lied and said, "No, a girlfriend." Then he asked if I went both ways, and I said NO. THEN he had the goddamn gall to say, "That's hot," then hugged me and asked for my number. I refused and went on my way.
I don't understand why men insist on doing this to me. Everywhere I go, guys are staring at me, smiling at me, talking to me, holding my hands, asking for my number, asking if I'm single, hitting on me in-f***ing-cessantly. I wonder how that guy would feel if he knew he was hitting on a dude! Things would be so much easier if I at least passed in any semblance of the word, but I guess I just exude femininity. I don't even know how the guy got a look at me--I was speeding along on my bike! Why does this always happen to me? I f***ing hate it. If only my fictional girlfriend were real, it might not be so bad. *sigh*
And even worse, I can't even feel angry at the guys who do this to me. It's not their fault I look like a girl, and they're always very nice to me. And if I WAS a girl, it would be different. I might actually accept some of the attention. But if I did that now, it would be a big fat lie. I told myself I wouldn't get involved with another dude until after transition--I'm interested in girls, and I doubt any guy I meet would get my gender issues. All they'd see would be a cute little girl trying to pretend to be a boy.
God, life sucks something fierce. =[
