I've gotten in to this thread quite late I guess but what the heck. At the risk of repeating what others may have said... here goes...
Quote from: Rene' aka candygirl on December 17, 2008, 01:53:19 PM
I often wonder how many young MtF TS girls, who are thinking of transitioning, or are actually in the process, think about what their sexual role will be in the end. It gets confusing to many. Some MTF's will only want to be with other women. Some with both women and men.
Then again, others will want to be with the opposite of their gender after they go through SRS. This applies to FTM's as well.
I was always labeled as gay from a young age. I didn't understand it at the time. I thought I liked to be with girls/females. I played with them, had them as friends, and dated them as a teen. Yet, I had an innate built in Gay-Dar, and was very aware of males who liked me, and wanted to be my boyfriend. It got particularly rough, when I was 15 to 17...gay men hounded me.
I didn't actually realize I was Bi-sexual until I was around 25 or so. It was during this time, I actually wanted a man and all that he could offer. I loved female relationships, and now was open to men as well. I was confused about what to do. Especially after what had I gone through years prior. Lots of counseling helped.
I won't go into particular's about the first time I openly accepted a males advance's. Let's just say; very different, very exciting and a little scary at the same time. Don't ask if I did or didn't, OK. It doesn't matter. He was my first, and was my lover/teacher for a while.
This was a monumental moment for me. And more than a little mind boggling. I had to think a long time about what my true preferences were, which was very difficult. I hopped back and forth across the fence for a long time. I liked it both ways. I never got involved in a three-some. Chances were there, but, I declined.
I finally decided, that in order for me to live in my new gender role, it would be easier if I was in a traditional relationship with the opposite sex. A man. Even though I am married to man I dearly and deeply love, and I would never cheat on him, I still eye the ladies...and they look back! It is difficult to push those feelings down. My husband is aware of this in me. He isn't threatened,for he knows he has my true heart.
And that is the point; how many of the younger TS gals and boys, have given this subject any thought. What is your true heart sexually? It is important to think it through, and come to realizations that you can live with. It can also have a huge impact on your transition as well as your life later. It did for me...
I remember that I always used to think that I was attracted to men (Gay apparently), but back then I was a teenager and the whole "Queer" scene was still underground so-to-speak. This coupled with my desire to be a girl was a little confusing to say the least. My problem was that I couldn't fathom why guys like to have sex with guys, and to be quite truthful I found the whole idea perverted.
Fast forward a life time... therapy, transition, HRT etc. and I find that I'm still attracted to men and it raised a lot of questions, questions that were raised during therapy, for as now that I know that I was/am/will always be a woman I can now understand why, and I can understand why I always looked forward to a monogamous heterosexual relationship.
I remember my first forays out into the club scene, dancing etc. It seemed so natural to date men, I had no interest what-so-ever in women. Even being pre-op I danced with and dated men, the strange thing was that I had never in my life ever been with another man, but it seemed so natural and easy. The was nothing sexual about it, I just needed to be with a man, and if the sexual part happened then so be it, it was as it should have been, and I think that this understanding was one of the important factors that contributed to my successful transition.
I remember that there was this gentleman at the club I frequented. He knew of my pre-op status and we danced together quite often. He was fairly attractive and a little younger than I was and we had fun together. Eventually it got to the point where he invited me to "His Place" for a night cap (If you get my drift.) Now I knew he was Bi-sexual but I didn't think that he would make the proposal that he did. I declined the offer telling him that I was not interested, that that is not who I was. A few years later (post-op) we are still friends and two weeks ago we found ourselves alone having a smoke outside of the pub, nothing unusual except for the fact that I now find him attractive sexually and it has progressed to the point now that we have both agreed that one of these days we will have "Wild erotic sex" lol. Funny thing...
So yes, I agree with Rene.
Steph
