Mothers!!

[sneakersjay]

My mother.  Well.

As I may have posted way back when we've never been close.  But when I came out she seemed receptive to trying to start over to repair our relationship.  So I had originally invited her to go with me to SF for top surgery.  This was back in August.  I know money is a huge issue for her; she's retired, on SS, and has limited retirement funds stashed and longevity runs in my family, so conceivably she has 30 more years of living to do.

So, I offered to pay her way to SF, pay to board her cats (one is diabetic) and pay her lost wages, in addition to hotel, food, etc. in SF.  First she said yes.  Then when it came time to buy the plane tickets she hemmed and hawed so long my brother finally said he'd go instead (and he did).

For the most part she has been very supportive, a few 'pray about its' thrown in, to you've put your body through hell!! statements etc.  She asked a month or so ago if she could still call me Female Name and I said no.

I came out to the rest of my family and apparently relatives read her the riot act for not being there for me in SF and she was playing the poor guilty me card every time she called me in SF.

I got back from SF to a mailbox full of Christmas cards all addressed to Jay or Jonathan.  Today I got my mother's card -- addressed to J. E. F******.  Initials!!  Followed by my kids full names spelled out.

Christmas day should be a joy.  She's coming over.  With my sister who still hates me because I fired her (she worked for me). 

I'm starting to think spiked egg nog may be the way to go (for me!).

Jay

[Janet_Girl]

Spiced rum works well in Eggnog.  I hope you can at least have fun with your kids.  Give the Eggnog to Mom and your sister.

Merry Christmas, anyway.
Janet

[iFindMeHere]

My mother.  Well.

As I may have posted way back when we've never been close.  But when I came out she seemed receptive to trying to start over to repair our relationship.  So I had originally invited her to go with me to SF for top surgery.  This was back in August.  I know money is a huge issue for her; she's retired, on SS, and has limited retirement funds stashed and longevity runs in my family, so conceivably she has 30 more years of living to do.

So, I offered to pay her way to SF, pay to board her cats (one is diabetic) and pay her lost wages, in addition to hotel, food, etc. in SF.  First she said yes.  Then when it came time to buy the plane tickets she hemmed and hawed so long my brother finally said he'd go instead (and he did).

For the most part she has been very supportive, a few 'pray about its' thrown in, to you've put your body through hell!! statements etc.  She asked a month or so ago if she could still call me Female Name and I said no.

I came out to the rest of my family and apparently relatives read her the riot act for not being there for me in SF and she was playing the poor guilty me card every time she called me in SF.

I got back from SF to a mailbox full of Christmas cards all addressed to Jay or Jonathan.  Today I got my mother's card -- addressed to J. E. F******.  Initials!!  Followed by my kids full names spelled out.

Christmas day should be a joy.  She's coming over.  With my sister who still hates me because I fired her (she worked for me). 

I'm starting to think spiked egg nog may be the way to go (for me!).

Jay

I feel you. I am happy to hear that your family is reading her the riot act not you.

*hugs*

[Hypatia]

My Mom has completely rejected me. She has absolutely refused to give an inch on accepting my gender or call me by my name. The last few times she wrote, she only used my first initial (which is the same for both my old name and new name). The last time I spoke with her on the phone, she called me by my old name. When I corrected her, she claimed to "forget" that I'd changed it. She has this talent for denial of whatever she doesn't want to acknowledge, so that in her mind it becomes not real. Since I am not playing along with her denial any more, I've been ejected from her life.

[sneakersjay]

My Mom has completely rejected me. She has absolutely refused to give an inch on accepting my gender or call me by my name. The last few times she wrote, she only used my first initial (which is the same for both my old name and new name). The last time I spoke with her on the phone, she called me by my old name. When I corrected her, she claimed to "forget" that I'd changed it. She has this talent for denial of whatever she doesn't want to acknowledge, so that in her mind it becomes not real. Since I am not playing along with her denial any more, I've been ejected from her life.

Sorry to hear that.

I know lots of folks have parents worse than mine and have been totally rejected or worse.  I was just venting more than anything.  With my mother, it's all about HER.

At first she was kind of hoping others would NOT accept me so she could try to lay a 'don't transition' guilt trip on me (not that it would have worked) but all of my extended family and family friends have been supportive.  Kind of ruined her plan.

At least I kept the same initials.

Jay

[iFindMeHere]

With my mother, it's all about HER.

At first she was kind of hoping others would NOT accept me so she could try to lay a 'don't transition' guilt trip on me (not that it would have worked) but all of my extended family and family friends have been supportive.  Kind of ruined her plan.

At least I kept the same initials.

Jay

YES. I comprehend.

[sd]

I would be tempted to spike the eggnog with something much stronger than rum and make sure they drank lots of it. 

No reason for you to spend the holiday in a stupor because of them, let them spend it that way. This way they also get to enjoy the hangover.

[iFindMeHere]

I would be tempted to spike the eggnog with something much stronger than rum and make sure they drank lots of it. 

No reason for you to spend the holiday in a stupor because of them, let them spend it that way. This way they also get to enjoy the hangover.

I thought that was what we were talking about...

[Northern Jane]

My adopted mom never accepted me. She fought me tooth and nail all through my teens, disowned me when I transitioned at 24, refused to use my name, and just denied my existence at every turn. I started sending her letters back marked "No such person" the first year - so she stopped writing. She hid my father's death from me so I wouldn't come home for the funeral and always referred to me by the name of the city I lived in.

In the end, I would not be denied any longer. When my sister and I discussed mother's obituary a couple of months ago, my sister used my full legal name.

[Wendy C]

It saddens me when I hear about Mothers turning their back on their children. I never had a chance to really explore my feelings with mine as she died when I was twelve. I'd like to think that she would have accepted me for who I am as I did tell her of my wanting to be a a girl at about age 7 and she hugged me tight, told me she loved me and later even went so far as to allow me a Christmas gift that was a girls item.

Sadly I delayed my transition as an adult because I didnt want to hurt my Father which set the wheels in motion for a 30+ year burying fiasco.
Hugs

Wendy

[pretty pauline]

My Mom has completely rejected me. She has absolutely refused to give an inch on accepting my gender or call me by my name. The last few times she wrote, she only used my first initial (which is the same for both my old name and new name). The last time I spoke with her on the phone, she called me by my old name. When I corrected her, she claimed to "forget" that I'd changed it. She has this talent for denial of whatever she doesn't want to acknowledge, so that in her mind it becomes not real. Since I am not playing along with her denial any more, I've been ejected from her life.

My adopted mom never accepted me. She fought me tooth and nail all through my teens, disowned me when I transitioned at 24, refused to use my name, and just denied my existence at every turn. I started sending her letters back marked "No such person" the first year - so she stopped writing. She hid my father's death from me so I wouldn't come home for the funeral and always referred to me by the name of the city I lived in.

In the end, I would not be denied any longer. When my sister and I discussed mother's obituary a couple of months ago, my sister used my full legal name.

Northern Jane and Hypatia your Mothers stories are so sad, Mothers can sometimes be the most important people in our lives.
My Mother had the most influence on me than any other person, in my early life before I came out I think she hated me, made my life miserable, then when I came out at 16 I think I was the answer to some of her unfullfill dreams, she always wanted a daughter and I always wanted to be a girl and my brothers and my Father wanted my Mother to be happy, so thats how my transition started, the strange thing is my Mother kept pushing me to have my final surgery srs, which I did when I was 28, I think she was afraid I'd change my mind, which I never was, I just love being a girl. At Christmas and Birthdays I'd always receive pretty ''girly presents''
We had a lovely Mother and daughter relationship, its just a pity the first 16years, but whats 16years out of the rest of your life, Happy New Year to all of you including those who have had a hard time with their Mothers.
p

[Northern Jane]

On the other hand, I was 40 when I met my birth mother and she didn't miss a beat - the acceptance was total and without reservation. Unfortunately she lives half a continent away and I rarely see her. She said she was sorry she had given me up for adoption - I didn't say it but I thought "Me to!"