I am attracted to trans females. some thoughts from my wacky mind

[kayla1618]

Lets please remember that >-bleeped-< is a banned topic on the site. Thank You.
Mariah

What's >-bleeped-<?

[Devlyn]

Lets please remember that >-bleeped-< is a banned topic on the site. Thank You.
Mariah

What's >-bleeped-<?

For information purposes only. The topic is not up for discussion on the Forums.

https://www.susans.org/wiki/>-bleeped-<

Hugs, Devlyn

[Mandy M]

Any discussion of Blanchard's >-bleeped-<sm is banned? Wow.

Anyhow, that aside, I'm sure that sexual arousal can play a part in some transsexualism. But, normally, only a part and, as ever with such complex issues, only a small amount. Reductionism is rarely a good trait as it oversimplifies.

xx

[CarlyMcx]

FWIW, given the statistical popularity of "transgender" porn, I think there are a lot of guys out there who want to play with the business end of someone else's male equipment, but want a pretty girl attached to the other end of it.

Non binary human sexuality is perfectly normal, and a natural method of population control.  It sure beats war, barbarism and starvation.

[Jenntrans]

Why am I so attracted to transgendered women? Or perhaps I should say why am I more attracted to transgender women over normal women?
This is something that's been running through my head for a while and really this is just an open thought post of whats going on in my head

Id like to explore each avenue in turn and explain to myself why I do or don't think it plays a part.

1. I am secretly in the closet as a gay male.
This one is simply no. I don't find the male body attractive at all and the idea of dating a male holds no interest to me whatsoever.
I like females.

2. It's just a sex based kink.
I'm not all that into sex in general. I mean I enjoy it with a partner I love and want to be with and whilst I am not vanilla in my sex likes, sex for the sake of sex, to me, is just assisted masturbation. Anal is a taboo sure, but I am so over that.

3. Because I am trans myself. Well I am indeed trans but I have decided to not go ahead with any transition as for me, the cons outweigh the pros.
Perhaps this does play some factor as a trans woman would know a lot of what I go through and we tend to seek those similar to us.

4. Because I dont see the difference between a trans woman and a cis woman.
Apart from the one difference, there, to me, is none.
Which is why I am a bit confused here as I actively prefer trans women.

5.Nope that's all I've got at the minute.
I'm absolutely fine with being attracted to cis girls and trans women. If anything it just opens up the potential dates.

It's just something I been thinking about and wanted to share

Maybe you are just attracted to someone that embraces femininity. I don't think you are a gay male. And no it isn't just about sex either.

Look, it is like this, attraction to another person is a mystery. We don't really know why we are attracted to someone or why we find this or that attractive, we are just attracted to them. I mean I am bisexual and more transbian than lesbian even though I am more attracted to men but love the femininity that a woman has. I don't know why, I just am. To me trans women are more feminine and embrace it more than cis women.

[Dena]

Any discussion of Blanchard's >-bleeped-<sm is banned? Wow.

If you were a moderator, you  might take a little different view on it. We have members joining using it as a self diagnostic tool. We have some who have diagnosed other as that and last but not least, discussion of the topic is a sure  way to have a thread melt down. There are topics that can't be discussed in an adult manor and this is one of them.

We attempt to place as few restrictions on the discussions as possible however we have a limited firefighting ability so rather than having the site get clutter and member injured by harmful topics,  we place some topics off limit.

[Mandy M]

I can understand that Dena. People coming on here are often in a vulnerable state and not robust enough to take knocks, however well dressed they are. I'm sure the last thing site owners want is the responsibility of causing added grief and stress (or worse).

It's slightly unfortunate though in that, whilst I find Blanchard's description woefully simplistic and insulting, there's also a small part of something important behind it which I mentioned in a different way.

I wonder if in general it might be possible on this site to have one sub-forum thread for people to enter at their own risk? A sort-of small area for discussion that carries with it a health warning but where difficult topics might be discussed? It's just a thought. I wouldn't extend that to dosing by the way because that's a different ball park and the danger with that would be everyone flocking to it. Perhaps the sub forum thread could be by subscription only? Maybe it wouldn't work - it's just a thought. It's only that there are some aspects of transgenderism which are difficult topics but which may also be extremely helpful for people to discuss, providing they know they need to be robust enough to do so and not for general consumption.

I'll shut up there

xx

[Roll]

I was thinking about weighing in on my own (previous?) attraction to transgender women when this thread was made, but never got around to it until now, so here we go!

So yeah, for my part for years in my own denial, I had a few lines of thought that I am immensely grateful I never had the opportunity to act upon as it would have been based on a lie, and just ended in heartbreak all around as I came to grips with myself. For most of my life I was always drawn to trans women, and in my complete denial I convinced myself that draw was a sexual preference(as opposed to wanting to be one), based around the idea of being attracted to the courage and life experiences of trans women (which that part at least wasn't a lie, as I still find it inspiring and everyone here is what drives me forward!).

In my more conscious moments (it still amazes me how well I deceived myself I actually had this thought and then went back to the other two seconds later) I would think "I can never find the courage to become a woman myself/I would never be passable/etc., so I might as well be a decent guy and try to make a trans woman happy." Unfortunately, this all came with its own internal war about being a fetishist/>-bleeped-<, as I found that idea absolutely abhorrent and it drove me into despair that trans women would likely reject me as such. Yes, I managed to get depressed about something that was a lie to begin with. So that's fun.

And I added the potential previous caveat in my first line because now... I actually don't think I am sexually attracted to trans women now, at least any more than I am cis women. It's weird, in that I am a fairly binary person in my own view, but at the same time my attraction has sort of become an anyone and everyone and anything in between, and 10 years ago I probably would have told myself it was almost exclusively trans women. (Honestly, if anything I've been entertaining the thought of trans men more than anything lately. As you get the understanding and experience of being trans, plus they're men.  )

[Mandy M]

I suspect we get far too hung up over this.

Admiration, which is probably what most trans girls have, has an obvious cross over into fantasy. That sexual arousal might play a part in that is nothing to be ashamed or worried about. We're not automatons: our bodies, minds, souls, psyches, histories, hopes all come with us on this journey into womanhood.

xx

[Annushka]

Hey, MissKairi. Here are my thoughts on that.
I myself always felt very attracted to trans-girls since I was a small boy and first discovered gender variances.

About the reasons, in my particular case, after diving deeply on myself, I came to a conclusion very similar to your third possibility:

3. Because I am trans myself. Well I am indeed trans but I have decided to not go ahead with any transition as for me, the cons outweigh the pros.
Perhaps this does play some factor as a trans woman would know a lot of what I go through and we tend to seek those similar to us.

Oddly, after discovering myself as a trans-girl and starting HRT, my attraction to trans-girls have lowered significantly. This might have something to do with the drop on my sex drive.

But my main conclusion is that:

The roots of my huge attraction to trans-girls was that I wanted to be just like them. I admired their beauty and their courage to be theirselves. And just by watching a beautiful trans-girl ignited a degree of happiness and satisfaction that at that time I could only experience through other people.

I guess starting to transition myself allowed me to dissociate these feelings from other people and find this degree of happiness inside of me and because of me.

As a I am sexually oriented to girls, I am still attracted to trans-girls, but this time as much as I am attracted to cis-girls. In fact, I prefer to drop these prefixes and state I am attracted TO GIRLS (DOT). 

[Jenntrans]

Look. This is the thing about physical attraction and that is that you can't control it. We are attracted to what turns us on and whatever that is. is personal to each and everyone of us. And what attracts us may change over time.

My best friend from child hood is gay he just told me a couple of moths ago that he may be bi because he is attracted to women but women that are more masculine than feminine. And no he is my brother and I am his sister and we both look at it that way. So neither one of us would cross that boundary but what attracts you changes over time.

Personally I am trans and I find trans women extremely more attractive over cis women. It may be because we would both be trans and could be totally open and or vulnerable to one another but more than likely the femininity and the total expression of it. I really don't even think about it or want to know why, I just know who I am attracted to and I can totally be a Transbian.

What attracts two different people to one another is a mystery and locked deep in the subconscious so just go with it and find someone that will make you happy. If that happens to be a woman, man, trans man, trans woman or non binary then just go with it. It may not last forever but that is the pitfalls of dating. But I have been with my current boyfriend now for almost ten years but we are a little older. So age and maturity plays a factor too. Then to someone you may just be a sex abject and even other trans are not immune to seeing you like this either. In all honesty there are so many levels of attraction to one another and the very first one is physical and then it gets deeper.

So just find someone you are attracted to physically and on deeper levels. But even cis women face this all the time too. Some people just want the sex, others want the connections on deeper levels and you have to weed them out. OMG I have done so much crap in my life and have been totally open about everything. I have had my heart broken and have broken a couple myself. That is what sux about the dating part.   Sometimes one or the other just can't connect don deeper levels. But when you do find that someone special then it is totally worth it. I hope some of this makes sense.

[Chloe M]

I'm for the most part closeted trans female with a few colleagues and friends in the know. Part of the attraction of Trans Females for me is I want to be one and the main part is I'm bi sexual and to me a trans female is the best of both worlds to me. But I have to like the person or feel attracted to their personality regardless of the person being bi, straight male or female. On the most part I'm quite shy when it comes to the dating game but if I thought that i was being classed as a fetishist I would scarper back under my wee rock totally mortified.

[Michelle_P]

I'm an older woman, 64 this month.

I am a femme lesbian. I like my feminine appearance, and I am attracted to other women.

I got to this point in my life by being a transgender person.

Some of the women I find attractive are cisgender lesbians. Some are transgender lesbians. Some are straight. They're just women who have traits I find attractive. I've also noticed that I am attracted to a few non-binary and genderqueer folks, to be honest.

Now, of all these folks, I have to consider which populations might be interested in ME. Not many, as it turns out.  The big YouGOV survey shows about 0% of ciswomen lesbians over 55 are open to romance with a trans woman, so I know the odds put me in the Friend Zone permanently there. Straight women are out obviously.

That leaves trans women, and the rare older genderqueer or non binary.

And there it is. For my age bracket "single trans woman seeking lesbian partner" is a code for trans seeking trans.

So, that's what I have to go with.

(And all the trans women in my age group that I know are either paired up, or not compatible in orientation. My social life is all group events and "table for one ". )


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[LaRell]

  I too am attracted strictly to women, and as a transwoman, I have found it strange in the past few months, since being on HRT, my pool of attractive women has gotten way way bigger!  I used to be so extremely picky.  I could find maybe one in a thousand girls attractive.  I would scroll through singles sites for hours and never find someone I thought was attractive enough to date.   And my wife can attest to that.  She has always asked me "Well do you think that girl over there is attractive?"  (We have a very open and free relationship ha ha) and I would honestly say "Nope."  Very rarely would I see a girl that I find really attractive.  However, like I said, since being on HRT for a while, something has changed within me.  Before maybe 1 percent of girls I saw were attractive.  Now it's more like 50 percent of girls I can see as genuinely attractive and could see myself being in a relationship with.  It is so weird!  It's like all of a sudden a whole new world is opened for me.   So anyway.......as far as attractiveness to transwomen.........Yes.  I too along with my general decrease in pickiness, have found myself real recently, truly finding various different transwomen actually attractive to the point of recognizing that I could even see myself in a relationship with one.  Not that I'm looking since I am happily married, but it is just a very interesting observation for me.

[Roll]

(And all the trans women in my age group that I know are either paired up, or not compatible in orientation. My social life is all group events and "table for one ". )

What about younger trans or cis women? I know for a fact many like older women, and even the younger cis girls would be open to a trans woman more likely.

Also, I noticed on the yougov chart that even though a lot of people said they weren't really open to being friends with a transgender person, only a small amount said they wouldn't support their best friend if they came out as transgender. That is an interesting dissonance.

[Michelle_P]

What about younger trans or cis women? I know for a fact many like older women, and even the younger cis girls would be open to a trans woman more likely.

Younger folks are generally much more open than the 55 and over bracket, and tend not to subscribe to the older exclusionary belief systems.   It's a GOOD THING! 

The old nonsense is pretty well locked into the belief systems of many older members of the lesbian community. The older lesbian and gay community was raised on Janet Raymond and Jim Fourett, steeped in the misinformation and bad research of Dr. John Money.  There is strong resistance to any information that contradicts these belief systems, and ultimately, it is just the passage of time and the dying off of these old fossils that will bring improvement.

Also, I noticed on the yougov chart that even though a lot of people said they weren't really open to being friends with a transgender person, only a small amount said they wouldn't support their best friend if they came out as transgender. That is an interesting dissonance.

Yes.  Often when a friend comes out, we hear "But you're different!", as part of why they feel OK about spouting nonsense about the larger trans, nonbinary, and genderqueer community.  That personal connection somehow allows an exception to their belief system.  One of my goals in my activism is to generate those exceptions and leverage them to tear down the flawed belief systems.



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[Roll]

Yes.  Often when a friend comes out, we hear "But you're different!", as part of why they feel OK about spouting nonsense about the larger trans, nonbinary, and genderqueer community.  That personal connection somehow allows an exception to their belief system.  One of my goals in my activism is to generate those exceptions and leverage them to tear down the flawed belief systems.

What really struck me as odd is that they have that exception even in a purely hypothetical scenario. I sort of understand the dissonance in an actual case, where someone makes spur of the moment allowances for a person in their life without being willing to alter their general beliefs, but to consciously think it through in that hypothetical and come to that conclusion is just... I don't even know the word.