Hey everyone,
I've posted a bit here before, but am still going through a LOT of questioning. I love reading everyone's replies on all the threads, on all the facets of transgenderness. What I'm wondering is how people have gone through their initial questioning in the past?
I'll start off by saying that I'm not sure if I will ever feel the real urge to transition at all. I know I'm interested in cross-dressing and sometimes want to be feminine and womanly, but then other times feel somewhat content as a man
The thing is, I feel like my life has been put on hold for a few years now, and now more than ever, because I feel like I don't know who or what to present myself as. I don't "feel" these feelings that supposedly lead me to be able to choose who or what I really am with some confidence and integrity. While I have plenty of confidence out in public, and am outgoing and social, I feel that a lot of it is kind of fake... in reality I have zero confidence because I don't know who/what I am...
When thinking about and planning for my future, I don't seem to have confidence for anything, like every new person I meet is just another person I'm going to have to come out to once I am eventually able to deal with these gender issues (and yes, I'm seeing a gender specialist therapist, still don't have many answers...). All these things I think about for my future, I feel like I can't do any of them because I don't know if it will be as a man or a woman...
Hmm, still not even totally sure what I am looking to get across with these words. Essentially, I'm wondering if any of ya'll have gone through or are going through similar experiences??? It's like theres a giant brick wall - full of gender/sexuality and emotional issues - directly in front of me that is leaving me impotent to be able to make decisions and try and figure out more of who I want to be; and I don't know how to get past this wall...
Any comments and discussion would be so much appreciated!
Love to you all~
