I suppose I should say something about my situation.
In RL, I present as a stereotypical male nerd. However, I've wanted to be a girl ever since I was a kid. But I don't consider myself "a woman trapped in a man's body." Not if you put it like that. I'm me. Yes, I'd rather I'd been born in a female body. But I don't feel trapped in this one. It's just not the body I would have chosen.
Do I consider myself a woman? Well, yes, I guess. But more by default. It's more accurate to say that I don't consider myself to be a guy. Do I hate my male equipment? No. It's what I've got. Do I love it? No, not that much. Would I consider trading it in? Yes, but I'd be disappointed if the new model didn't respond as well.
Unlike "standard guys," I dislike sports, I hate getting dirty, I don't like beer, I've never "cruised for chicks," and I don't see any point in hanging out with guys at a bar.
When I was in college in the late 60's, I considered transitioning. I didn't because I was afraid I'd look like a freak, or I'd end up even more mixed up than I already was. As a bright, non-athletic, and probably rather snotty nerd, I'd gotten a lot of verbal abuse in school. It left me with "anger issues," to put it mildly. The good news: I was bright enough to keep my anger under control, so my school isn't as famous as Columbine High. The bad news: I was bright enough to hide it, so it took a long time before I stopped hating the world.
Also, I didn't meet the criteria of the day for SRS. That is, I wasn't so desperate that I was going to take a razor and "do it myself," or slit my throat. And I wasn't interested in guys, which was another no-no. Not that I was all that interested in women; I didn't date until I was 24. And while we're on that, in the subsequent 36 years, I've dated maybe six women, total. I've never married. I did live with one girlfriend for a few months, but other than that I've lived alone for almost 40 years. I haven't been involved with anyone for over a decade.
When I got out of college, I "dealt with" my gender issues by burying myself in work. Actually, I guess I did that in college as well. I did fantasize that some fairy godmother would magically turn me into the girl I wanted to be, sometimes daily, but that was never more than a silly dream. Except for forums like this, I've never reached out to the LGBT community, or told anyone about my gender problems. I do cross dress, but only occasionally, and only in private, never in public.
When I was 30, I tried "living as a woman" for a week. I bought a basic wardrobe: a dress or two, a few skirts and blouses, a bra, pantyhose, medium heels. They were slightly dressy, perhaps, but they weren't fancy or fetishy. It was just what I saw stylish women wearing at work. Then I took a week of vacation, intending to spend it in my apartment, dressed. I couldn't do it. It was fun at first, particularly learning how to walk in heels and how to sit in a dress. But after a few hours, I ended up sitting on my couch, reading an SF novel. By then my dress and heels seemed ... well, pointless. And I felt trapped in the apartment. I switched to guy-mode and went out for a walk.
After that, I've only cross-dressed occasionally. Sometimes it relaxes me. Other times not. But I've never wanted to do it for more than an hour or two at a time. And a lot of the time, transforming myself into an ersatz female just seems like ...
work.Putting all of that together, I think it's safe to say that my GID is not as advanced as yours. If, indeed, I really suffer from GID at all. But clearly I suffer from something, because the desire to be a women is still down there, somewhere. And I visit this site every day.
When I came to this forum, a few months ago, I was seriously considering transitioning. The trigger was another pending life change: namely, retirement. After all, I don't have a wife to consider, my parents are dead, and it wouldn't affect my career (if, indeed, it ever would have). My acquaintances would be shocked, but unless they choked on their dentures, they'd get over it in a few weeks. And I could afford it, although it would make a big dent in my retirement account.
But for now, at least, I've decided not to. In part, that's because whatever desire I had a few months ago has been sublimated by hanging out at Susan's, amazingly enough. Kinda the opposite of coolJ's reaction. I've discovered that given the choice of wearing a dress or hanging out at Susan's, I generally hang out at Susan's. Go figure!
But mostly it's because I asked myself: What would transitioning do for me? Sure, I could wear a dress in public. Okay, that would be fun for a week or two, but after that, so what? It's not like I go clubbing or anything like that. My driver's license would say "F". Big deal. People would see me as a woman. If I was interested in guys, that might be an advantage, but I'm not. Yeah, guys might hold doors for me. Hey, I'm old enough that people sometimes do that already! So when you get down to it, what difference would it really make?
The only possible advantage I could see is that my (few) female friends might accept me as their new girlfriend. That might be fun, and it might open me up to a whole new set of relationships. However, it's just as likely that they'll freak out and reject me altogether.
So that's how I've dealt with whatever GID I have. If you can call that dealing.
