Going to see a Therapist but afraid.

Mika N. · January 03, 2009, 07:01:12 PM

So next week I am planning on going to see a therapist. I tell you what, I am so nervous and afraid but I am drawn to go see this therapist to finally figure out what is going on with me. I'm tired of putting this off anymore, and I think it is time to quit suffering. I really need someone in real life to confide in and I really hope this person can help. I am going to request HRT when I see her. I going to be completely honest to her about my need to match my body with my female mind, and the way this condition has been a detriment to my life and my relationship with other people. I'm tired of living this way, pretending and masquerading to be a boy/man/male. I have reached that edge where I just want to take that leap and seriously start the journey.

I hope this therapist is the right one, is understanding, caring, and won't treat me like an abomination. I guess the reason why I am posting this is to maybe get some words of encouragement. I'm so afraid of doing this but I know if I'm going to get any better that it must be done. I know I am new here and you all don't know me to well, but I was hoping maybe some of you can say something to me that will prevent me from chickening out and changing my mind.

Mika

lizbeth · January 03, 2009, 07:09:24 PM

hi Mika,

I just had my first therapy session today. I was so nervous leading up to it that I couldn't sleep last night. I found out today that it was all for nothing. I let my therapist lead me where she wanted and just answered honestly. as long as you can be honest with her and honest with yourself at teh same time you will do fine.

if you have any questions, write them down and don't be afraid to ask her.

be prepared to talk about non gender issues too, I did some free writing this passed week and it helped me collect my thoughts and remember my timeline a little better. you might get some benifit from doing some more self analysis before your first session.

above all else, good luck!! =)

lizbeth · January 03, 2009, 07:09:59 PM

oh, and as others have told me, don't be afraid to find another therapist if this one doesn't work out.

Randy · January 03, 2009, 07:14:58 PM

Therapy is like any other stage in transition: scary as hell before you go through with it, but once you're there you realize that your imagination created a whole lot of fears where no threat actually exists. I'm a pretty introverted kind of guy, so it was difficult and scary for me at first, but it gets easier every week. If you think about "chickening out" just remember why transition is important to you, and remind yourself that it's something you have to do (that we all have to do). Hope all goes well.

Suzy · January 03, 2009, 07:23:56 PM

Mika,

I well understand your fears. But you will see, after you have gone through it, that you had nothing to fear really. Whatever you say will, of course, be bound by confidentiality. You are the consumer, you need not pay the therapist for more than one visit. So relax. You are currently shopping for the right one.

I hope it works out, as it is really a PITA to have to come out to other therapists. My first time was really hard. It was like lancing a boil. I didn't know what to do or how to act. And stuff that came out was so hard to talk about. But each session has gotten better and better, and I now leave them feeling much better than when I arrive. Now she is one of my biggest supporters.

So don't expect it to be all roses from the start. But you do want someone who will be honest with you, and not tell you just what you want to hear. Else, why pay for their advice. You want things to be challenged and clarified so you can make the best decisions for your life. A good therapist will do that, help YOU make the decisions. Also, don't expect a letter of referral for HRT right away. It takes a few visits before most therapists will do that.

Best of luck!

Kristi

Wing Walker · January 03, 2009, 10:53:18 PM

Hi, Mika,

Confiding in anyone can be scary so the first thing that you might want to do is to confirm what should be obvious to both you and your therapist: that all you say is in strict confidence.

I have seen five therapists over time and I have never found one to be judgmental of me. I have been referred by my psychiatrist to see my gender therapist and she was, in my opinion, good at what she did.

In our first meeting she asked why I came to see her and I told her that I was transsexual. She then conducted an interview with me that included one question: What steps have you taken to live in the gender that you need to live in?" Before that meeting ended I had a concrete plan of action to start my transition.

I am not sure about how quickly any therapist will recommend any patient to a physician or endocrinologist for Hormone Replacement Therapy. In my case it was 92 days after I started gender therapy and i have not regretted it in the least.

To sum it up, establish that your talks are in full confidence, ask for ideas on how to start your transition, understand that a recommendation for HRT should (IMHO) take some time, and don't be afraid to stop the session if you feel that you are being judged.

I've been in your place before and i hope that what I have shared with you will help.

Wing Walker
Flyin' the Post-op Skies

Chrissty · January 04, 2009, 11:36:43 AM

Quote from: Mika N. on January 03, 2009, 07:01:12 PM
I know I am new here and you all don't know me to well, but I was hoping maybe some of you can say something to me that will prevent me from chickening out and changing my mind.

Mika

I've got my first appointment booked next week after 50 years of fighting this on my own.

Don't make the same mistake, get that appointment confirmed and go.. if it doesn't work out you don't have to go back, and everthing is in confidence.

You know you can do it hon.....

Chrissty

Arch · January 04, 2009, 12:40:36 PM

I had been through therapy a number of times before for non-trans things. But talking to my gender therapist for the first time may well be the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. I was at the end of my rope after repressing for years. I figured that if he wasn't the right one, I wouldn't have the guts to find someone else. All or nothing.

I guess I'll never find out what I would have done; everything worked out fine. He understood, and he did his best to put me at ease.

He has never failed me. Now I would trust him with my life. In a way, I already have.

Your therapist might not turn out to be a good fit for you, but of course you realize that if you don't go, you will never find out, and you'll never transition. Just keep telling yourself that this is the first big step to transition. And remember that the therapist WANTS you to feel safe.

I must be one of the biggest chickens in the known universe, but I did it. If I can do it, I know that you can. And it will get easier and easier. When you go in there for the first time, think of all of us at Susan's. We're behind you all the way.

Good vibes to you. Let us know how it goes. We're rooting for you.

paulault55 · January 05, 2009, 10:21:58 PM

Hi Mika,

I know this is scary, i had my first appointment the begining of December, i called their office on a Wednesday and they had a opening that afternoon, i had not prepared anything in advance but my therapist knew the right questions to ask and in the begining he asked me questions about other things till i told him about my gender issues, from that point that's pretty much all we talked about. When i left his office i felt like i got a 500 pound gorilla off my back. During the time between visits i jot down thoughts and questions on a pad so at the next visit i don't forget what i want to tell him. Tomorrow will be my sixth visit and i look forward to seeing him, he's almost like a friend and i trust him.

Paula.

Mika N. · January 06, 2009, 12:29:20 PM

Thank you all for your support. Well, I've been making a few phone calls to therapists in my area. None of them answers thier phone. I leave messages but no one is returning my phone calls. I'm getting pretty sad right now. Maybe there is no one here that can help me. Because of my job, it is difficult for me to travel very far. I don't know, I'm tired. Thanks again for the kind responses.

Mika

Chrissty · January 06, 2009, 12:52:02 PM

Hi Mika,

I found therapists not answering their phone and saying they would call back was quite common, plus the time of year may have an effect on their response (I know the ones I talked to booked appointments direct rather than through a receptionist). If they don't respond within a day give them another call. I was advised persistance would pay off, and it did for me on the second call.

I wil say though, that if you haven't already booked an appointment, it could take a couple of weeks to get one. $:-\$

Good luck honey, please don't get depressed, you will get there.

Chrissty

paulault55 · January 06, 2009, 01:31:34 PM

Hi Mika,

Did you look on the main page under medical there is a list of therapists and counselors grouped by state, maybe one is close by.

Paula.

Mika N. · January 06, 2009, 06:19:37 PM

Thank you Chrissty for sharing your experience. I'll keep looking and maybe I'll get someone to return my call. I don't think it would be a good idea to go at this alone without any proffesional help, but I'm not getting any younger so I don't know...

Paula, yes I have looked. The closest one on there is 45 min away. The phone number doesn't work though so I'm back to square one.

Mika

Chrissty · January 06, 2009, 06:53:00 PM

Hi Mika,

If you post a new topic requesting some suggestions for a local therapist on this forum stating you nearest town/city in the Subject Title (not your address) you may have some better luck if your struggling.

Chrissty

Mika N. · January 06, 2009, 07:50:32 PM

Oh my! The therapist just called me back. She said she has experience with gender identity therapy and has transitioned past clients. She seemed really nice and easy to speak with on the phone. I have an appointment tommorow. Now I'm very nervous. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. Chrissty you were right that perssistance does pay off, I called her three times.

Mika

paulault55 · January 06, 2009, 08:14:07 PM

Hi Mika,

Great news, i'm so happy for you, all i can say is be yourself when you go and let her guide you, i really like my therapist and look forward to each session, talking to him is like talking to a friend. Write things you want to ask her on a note pad, i do this between sessions so i don't forget something important.

Paula.

Chrissty · January 07, 2009, 02:17:43 AM

Quote from: Mika N. on January 06, 2009, 07:50:32 PM
Oh my! The therapist just called me back. She said she has experience with gender identity therapy and has transitioned past clients. She seemed really nice and easy to speak with on the phone. I have an appointment tommorow. Now I'm very nervous. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. Chrissty you were right that perssistance does pay off, I called her three times.

Mika

I'm so pleased for you!

Take care, and let us know how you get on...

Chrissty

Mika N. · January 08, 2009, 03:49:43 AM

The therapy session I would say went pretty good. Being that I am so socially isolated, it was great having someone in real life to express myself the way I did to the therapist. In that one hour we spoke, she now knows more about the real me than anyone in real life. I am looking forward to my next appointment. I am feeling a strong desire to show up next time dressed up as a woman, the real me. I asked the therapist about that, and she said I should do that. Now I need to decide what would be a good outfit to wear for my next appointment. lol.
I can't thank you all enough for the supportive responses.

Mika

Chrissty · January 08, 2009, 04:04:43 AM

Thats great Mika, I'm so pleased it went well..!

..it sometimes makes you wonder why we worry so much about these things..

Chrissty

paulault55 · January 08, 2009, 07:46:58 AM

I'm so happy for you and i bet after, you felt that big sigh of releaf i know i did and you probably wondered like Chrissty said why you worried about it.

Paula.

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