Hey guys, I'm Nikki and I'm nothin' but a girl in my heart tryin' to deal with this crazy life I for some reason got stuck with. I've felt odd in this regard my entire life but only truly accepted that I'm a transexual about 5 years ago at age 22. Early on I remember feeling I was a wierd kid due to the fact I was ridiculed for wanting to play with the girls over the other boys, making feminine, girl-like gestures without tryin' or thinkin' about it, speaking in a drawn out and higher tone of voice, etc. One of the more sad parts about this is that my father was one of the principal tormentors in my life on this deal. He made it really hard on me and often said very hurtful things like, "I have a real pussy for a son." Please pardon the language, guys. But this is what I had to deal with. One of my neihbors was my best friend and she and I would play house or hopscotch or just sit around and talk and I can remember feeling nothin' but content with her company and wishing all my friends were like Karen. The boys and I sometimes had good times together but it was never the same.
I never felt truly comfortable in the boy role. Even as time went by and I aged, I tried to date girls with little success and feelin' I had to be like them instead of tryin' to be their intimate partner. It felt absurd and still does. I finally stopped dating girls though shortly after I came to terms with my condition. It just hurt too badly. They wanna be treated the way I wanna be treated and it just didn't work. It really achieved nothing other than helping to break my heart. Well hey, I just got here and I really don't wanna start off hittin' on long, depressing tangents, you know? So allow me to toss a bit of positive note in here by sayin' I'm delighted to have found this site cause I'd really like to make some friends of those that are in the same boat as I. I can hardly wait to start talkin'/chattin' with you all. Thanks so much for havin' me.
