Feeling Like A Phoney

[Pariah]

If there's one thing that keeps hitting me over the head like a thug's iron pipe, it's the fear of being a phoney. I don't mean the fear of being a fake trans., because I know I'm one. And it's not the fear of being discovered when I try to transition. No, I mean the fear of being a phoney as in taking all the rights women have, even though I was born a biological male.

What I mean is, women have had to struggle for sooo many equalities, rights, opportunities and a voice, the right to choose what they want, the right to be a feminist. They have had to struggle for their daughters' rights, and for future womens' rights, and for many, many centuries, if not millenia.

And here I come along, a biological male, the "oppresor." (I say it like that because I HAVE heard SOME women call men "the enemy" or "the oppresor." My mom was one of them.) And I, not CHOOSING to be born male, and not CHOOSING to have GID, and not CHOOSING to even be alive...I come along and want to become the young woman I've been inside for a long time, maybe since age 4 or 5. So I expect to take some hormones, take some therepy, and TRY to learn what took a "real girl" her whole childhood to learn. I expect to take in the benefits of countless ages of struggle, without having to have any of the struggle. 

This is something that pops into my head every morning, and it seriously bothers me. It's like, I feel guilty for the crime of being a male. And I feel guilty for the crime of being a male wanting to "fix things, make them right." Like I'm stealing something crucial and important that should never, EVER be allowed to me. Does anyone have any idea what I'm saying? Does what I'm saying even make any sense? 

[HHSamanthaJB]

You make sense to me.

However, I think overall you need to chill out about the whole thing. Don't take it so seriously.

Men are not the enemy. Everyone is who they are. To my knowledge, you were born a trans person so have even more rights to fight for?

I don't believe anybody else should stop you being you. Don't worry about it so much

[Janet_Girl]

Pariah,
I can relate.
For the longest time I hate the term, GID.  I felt that I was male trying to be female.  GID = Guy In Drag.  Something that I knew I was NOT.  I was having trouble wrapping my mind around the whole thing.

And then one day I was looking at myself in the mirror, being total depressed.  I hated the way I looked, I hate the male parts. I hated that I was the way I was.  Then I heard this voice.  It was my feminine mind, saying " What if you were born genetically female and still had your looks and body type".  "The only thing that is different is that you now have the proper genitalia, but the rest is the same, What are you going to do?"  This got me to thinking.  What would I do if I was born a girl, with this body?  I began to think on how or what would I do? 

That was the day I started to develop the attitude that I am a woman.  And I began to realize that I can survive, with this body.  At least until I can afford to pay for the changes.  I looked at the world from a different way.  Maybe it was the E, or maybe my mind was rewired.  And GID became Gender Identity Disorder.  I realize that I am not a phoney.  Any more than a flat chested, boy shape girl is.   It wasn't that thing below, it was between the ears.

I am only guilty of not being born with an hour glass figure and big boobs.  And people began to see that I had changed too.  I was calmer, happier, more open and more confident.  Shortly thereafter I went full time.  I still don't have that perfect body, but at least I am not flat chested any more.  It has only taken 8 months on HRT.  But that is my genetics.  There are things that I am still not happy with, but what girl really is.

Am I a man trying to be something I am not.  HELL NO.  Maybe I don't have that best body, but I am still a woman.  I am learning the things that I was denied in my early years.  The secrets of being a girl.  So I am learning new things and watching all the time.  After all right now I am only a young girl, 15 or 16 maybe.  But I am growing up all the time.

You will too develop that attitude that makes you a woman.  Just like ALL of our sisters, Trans or bio.

Janet

[kaitygrl]

Women have struggled over so many years to be where they are today and of course, it's not a perfect system. Men are not the enemy. If there is an enemy, it's culture and politics. There is so much diversity in the world that it gives people the fuel to hate and oppress. Will it ever end? Probably not. There's always going to be someone, somewhere, sometime, who will find something wrong with someone else. Honestly, every group has had to fight for something. Whether it be based on religion, race, gender and the list goes on. Hasn't everyone fought enough of their own battles to relate to everyone else? You are a woman and all the women who have fought for rights, fought for your rights too! Yes YOU! I have never heard about a women's rights petition which excluded those who were physically born male... have you? Don't let it get to you because you have every right that anyone else does. Smile and let it pass. 

[Dante]

Just thought I'd say this: I was born female (even though I didn't want to be) and I did NOTHING to earn my rights. All the people before me did that. I understand that women might think you are trying to rip them off or something, but you have to know that you have a right to be who you want to be. The women had to fight for their rights, and we have to fight for ours.

[Janet_Girl]

Just thought I'd say this: I was born female (even though I didn't want to be) and I did NOTHING to earn my rights. All the people before me did that. I understand that women might think you are trying to rip them off or something, but you have to know that you have a right to be who you want to be. The women had to fight for their rights, and we have to fight for ours.

But because of their fight you have them, they did it for us.  They did it for those who come after.  And they would be upset, I think if we did not claim them.

Janet

[Dante]

Well, in that case, who says you're not women? They didn't define what a woman was while they were fighting for these rights. So, who says you cannot have them, just because of some unfortunate circumstances?

[kaitygrl]

Well, in that case, who says you're not women? They didn't define what a woman was while they were fighting for these rights. So, who says you cannot have them, just because of some unfortunate circumstances?

No one is saying we're not women and there is no one saying we can't have the rights. The original question was if there were girls here who felt they didn't earn those rights and therefore felt they shouldn't have them.

One final point from me about this topic though. More of a question for you, Pariah... Many men and women have fought for the civil rights we practice today. Many have died for our freedom and independence. Should you not practice those rights because you weren't there to fight the fight? If you don't practice the rights that others have fought for, no matter what they are or who fought them, then they have fought for nothing.

[Cindy]

How true. There are no rights. There are conditiios fought for. They are fought for by brave people who have put up with being oppressed and scared. This, obviously, doesn't just apply to us, but to all people. Unless we stand up for our rights and fight for them we will forever never be anything except passengers on life.

Treat people as you want to be treated. The rest is commentary.

Cindy James

Felling very hot on a 42C day

[Rachael]

I see your point. All my life ive felt i was a girl, then when i am, i feel less than... granted for a different reason... namely my physical preop state (no offense to non ops) makes ME feel like a freak. As for female rights, well no female is born more deserving because of that alone... each female must become a woman over  her life, and in that, deserves the rights. Jannet Butler, a often quoted feminist sociologist wrote that 'Females learn to be, and evolve to womanhood. but it does not require a female be a woman.'
Often, our feelings of inadiquacy and falsehood are guilt, or a mild depression brought on by the fact we see natal females as better in some way... more right to be female, like we are an interloper... its nothing to do with feminism, but that doesnt help...
Personally, and a lot of my female friends hold the same view, men are not the enemy... bad men and women are the enemy.... making sides by gender is a very bluntforce aproach to feminism, and the extremists will always be heard bellowing above the crowd... but its the liberal feminists who gain true momentum. Rationality, and reason win the day, and are doing... I refuse to see a guy as the enemy because hes a guy... One of my friends things women ought to have thier 'time at the top' as 'revenge' before equality... apparently if one doesnt subscribe to that, you 'arnt a real woman' and shes not even refering to trans...

Women define 'real women' as men define 'real man'. Just because you dont fit one definition doesnt mean you are not....

y'arr what y'arrr as pirates say...

[Cindy]

Hi
My attitude this year has change. In no small matter to this website and the gloriuos people who respond.

I used to think I was a freak. I have now met so many XXXX freaks on this site that I cannot be a freak. None of us are in gaol for murder, rape, violence, (as far as I know). WE ARE NORMAL. Now getting society to accept that is a different problem. But to my USA sisters ( and no offence meant) it's accepted in your society to have weapons that are terribly dangerous - and totally harmeful to life, is normal. Now where else would that be considered normal?
I want to nurture and love
And that's abnormal?

Cindy James

[heatherrose]

Pariah Sweety,

Don't fret about riding on the the coat tails of our GG sisters
who have given their blood, sweat and tears in the struggle for OUR equality.
Transistion and you will be in a battle of similar proportions
with your own struggle for equal rights.

                                                                                 Always Love,
                                                                                 Heather Rose
P.S. "Iron Jawed Angels" AWSOME movie
       about the sufferage movement.

[Rachael]

If anything invalidates you... its the transwoman attitude of redefining woman to fit thier own parody...

[Nero]

Just thought I'd say this: I was born female (even though I didn't want to be) and I did NOTHING to earn my rights. All the people before me did that. I understand that women might think you are trying to rip them off or something, but you have to know that you have a right to be who you want to be. The women had to fight for their rights, and we have to fight for ours.

I agree with Roxas. If anything, I've always felt disconnected from women's legacy.
I think if you're mentally a woman, then it's as much your legacy as any other woman's. The gg next to you didn't fight for her right to vote either.
And while you may have not yet experienced the sexism and oppression of women, you will soon enough, if that's any comfort. 

[Pariah]

Well, in that case, who says you're not women? They didn't define what a woman was while they were fighting for these rights. So, who says you cannot have them, just because of some unfortunate circumstances?

No one is saying we're not women and there is no one saying we can't have the rights. The original question was if there were girls here who felt they didn't earn those rights and therefore felt they shouldn't have them.

One final point from me about this topic though. More of a question for you, Pariah... Many men and women have fought for the civil rights we practice today. Many have died for our freedom and independence. Should you not practice those rights because you weren't there to fight the fight? If you don't practice the rights that others have fought for, no matter what they are or who fought them, then they have fought for nothing.

I don't really know how to answer that question except...I guess you're right.

Just thought I'd say this: I was born female (even though I didn't want to be) and I did NOTHING to earn my rights. All the people before me did that. I understand that women might think you are trying to rip them off or something, but you have to know that you have a right to be who you want to be. The women had to fight for their rights, and we have to fight for ours.

I agree with Roxas. If anything, I've always felt disconnected from women's legacy.
I think if you're mentally a woman, then it's as much your legacy as any other woman's. The gg next to you didn't fight for her right to vote either.
And while you may have not yet experienced the sexism and oppression of women, you will soon enough, if that's any comfort. 

Well...mixed feelings. Yes, because it's like the pain you get from intense exercize (which I have never done a day in my life ) Even thought it leaves you numb and sore, the pain feels good in that weird way, because you know you're making progress in SOME KIND OF way. And no, because...well, who DOES like being oppressed in any kind of way?

After reading all of the posts here, I get the disticnt feeling I've been taking things in my life too hard, putting depth into thoughts that should have been nothing more than a passing brain impulse. Thank you all for your insights! It's nice having smart people around.