Getting Rid Of Guy Habits

[Julie Marie]

I was out at a lesbian club last night.  Somehow I ended up with the hottest chick in the place who was probably less than half my age.  That part is good.  But I looked today and saw I had spent around $80 last night.  In typical guy fashion I was buying all the drinks.  I didn't even think about it.  The girl I came with (not the one I ended up with) told me many of the girls she talked to had no idea I was a genetic male.  So I passed that test but I sure failed the buying all the drinks test.

I think I have to first convince myself others see me as female then maybe I can start acting more like one.  This chivalry thing is pretty deeply ingrained in me.  I'll have to get over the guilt feelings I get when I'm not acting the gentleman.

Just another step in transitioning I guess.

[Melissa]

It's funny how many guy habits I failed to pick up.  I would have never considered buying a bunch of other people drinks, but I guess I'm just a big stingey with money.  Perhaps the fact that I didn't live like a guy as long has something to do with not picking up so many habits.   Oh well.

Melissa

[stephanie_craxford]

...
Just another step in transitioning I guess.

One of many Julie.

Yes there are lots of those little things to be sure.  The little slips are funny sometimes, and can be difficult to overcome without thinking before acting.  Like holding a door open for a woman, Gill would say "you don't have to do that anymore" , but I still do for an older/elderly woman.  I think that letting a woman go first is probably one of the hardest, as many men are taught that women and children are always first

Steph

[Jillieann Rose]

Even dress as a guy I have women hold the door for me. I guess maybe cause I'm old huh.

Jillieann

[Buffy]

Hi Julie,

As I found in my transition.... getting rid of old Male habits is the final act of letting go of the past, becoming the person you are.

Even post op, right body, brain thinking Female, it was easy to slip back into "the comfort zone" of doing things that had been drummed into me being gender conditioned to be a boy, man over so many years.... The one thing we all lack (unless we transitioned very young) is the benefit of growing up being treated and conditioned as a girl....

Drinks, doors, escalators, seats..... consign them to the past, except nothing less than being treated like a woman.....

Buffy

[Melissa]

I've always held doors open for males or females when it seems appropriate, such as if I were closer to the door, but many times I'll enter first and then hold it.  When I was with a friend (female) a couple weeks ago, we just took turns holding the door open for each other.  As Jillieann said, she has experience women holding doors open.  I think of it as just plain courteous.  Now, I do get doors held open for me often and I usually give the person a big smile to encourage them to keep doing it.

Melissa

[LostInTime]

I would love to help you out.  Send all of your money to me and then you will have to rely on others to buy your drinks!    j/k   

On a more serious note, I have not had to deal with this a whole lot.  Although I had been raised to be a gentleman, when I transitioned I more or less settled in right away.  I do enjoy having drinks and meals purchased but I try to do the same for others when I can.

This weekend I was in a hotel and on one trip in the elevator there was an older couple in there  with me.  I tried to let them exit first but the husband was not going to budge until I was out of the elevator.   

[Melissa]

I think you hit on a good point there LIT.  I think the older generations were raised to behave more in a certain way depending upon whether you were male or female.  I think 50 years ago, this was stressed much more heavily than it is nowadays and with subsequent generations, the gender line of behavior has become more blurred.  This is good in the fact that there aren't as many stereotypes and perhaps this has been key to my ease in crossing the gender boundaries.

Melissa

[Sarah Louise]

As one of the "older" generation, I would have to agree with you Melissa.  Certain behaviors were "beat" into us as children that are not taught as much to today's generation.

I was taught to open doors for women and those older than myself, amongst other things.  Now I expect men to open doors for me.  If I have opened the door and gone through, I think it is only polite to keep it open for someone who is right behind you, male or female.

Sarah L.

[Luc]

Julie, I know for a fact chicks still like people to buy them drinks, and this goes for lesbians as well. One of my best friends, who is a lesbian, always buys drinks for the chicks she's interested in, though she's now in a committed relationship and is undoubtedly the more feminine one of the couple. I open doors for people often, men or women, though I'm attracted only to women. I don't know exactly when chivalrous behaviors became designated as something particular to the male gender, but I think it's ridiculous. While you might lose a lot of money with your chivalry, it also might well get you somewhere. Lesbians like to be romanced just as much as straight women do, so I don't think it was a bad move on your part at all. However, you might want to be a little tighter with your money next time so you don't end up too broke for the second date.

Rafe

[Julie Marie]

Julie, I know for a fact chicks still like people to buy them drinks, and this goes for lesbians as well. One of my best friends, who is a lesbian, always buys drinks for the chicks she's interested in, though she's now in a committed relationship and is undoubtedly the more feminine one of the couple. I open doors for people often, men or women, though I'm attracted only to women. I don't know exactly when chivalrous behaviors became designated as something particular to the male gender, but I think it's ridiculous. While you might lose a lot of money with your chivalry, it also might well get you somewhere. Lesbians like to be romanced just as much as straight women do, so I don't think it was a bad move on your part at all. However, you might want to be a little tighter with your money next time so you don't end up too broke for the second date.

Rafe

Good points!  I was definitely interested in the girl I met there and she was certainly interested in me.  I still can't believe the hottest chick in the place spent the entire even with me, someone probably twice her age.  So since she was into me and I was into her I only felt it right to buy her drinks.  But where I went to far was buying all her friends drinks too.  Now that was a guy thing! 

But when I think of all the fun I had and how affectionate this little cutie was with me, the $80 I spent really doesn't bother me.  I haven't had that much fun or been with a girl that good looking in a long time.  We really hit it off!  If you want to hear about the night PM me.  It was unbelievable!