How supportive were Family and Friends when you came out

[cindybc]

Hi, Jamie hon, what are you doing for yourself in the meantime? Have you made any plans to consult with a therapist and set a time to start HRT? How urgent do you feel the necessity to start transitioning? How severe is your GID at this time?

It is good and it is considerate of you to be willing to give your parents time to adjust to the idea but you need to begin doing something for yourself as well. Maybe bring your mom with you on one of your sessions with your therapist will help her to understand better about the phenomenon of transsexualism.

Anyway, I will pray that all goes as it should for you.

Cindy

[Victoria L.]

I don't know what to think...

All friends have been supportive in at least some way. One of them (very predictably) had a hard time handling it, but I guess he's better now.

Mom, being the only one in the family I've told has been very mixed. I came out to her several years ago, and back then it was like "It's a phase." and stuff like that. I recently sort of re came out to her and things looked better... But she still doesn't understand and she's making it painfully clear. So painfully clear I really don't want to be around her. =/

The first person I came out to and I were together for almost four months, but she broke up with me because she wasn't feeling up to a relationship. I know she's the one, though. To have somebody enter a relationship with you knowing your transgendered and also be perfect in every other way is something that is likely never going to be seen again.

So I'm holding out for when she's ready again.

And my mom... She just really doesn't get it. As I said it's painful to be around her. I've been wanting to get some girl's pajama's lately just to wear around the house and she's done nothing but try to convince me to go with "unisex" pajama's that are oh so conveniently placed in the guy's section.

She doesn't understand how sick I am of being "unisex". It's not me.

She also has not even come close to calling me by Emily or female pronouns at all. In fact over the past few years (before I recame out to her) she started adding "Mr." to the front of my name, which was just like "What? That's too much." for me, and even after I recame out to her she still did it and I finally had to tell her that I could not tolerate that. She seemed shocked that I didn't want to be called that. Really shocked.

And that is proof she doesn't understand.

[Ms Bev]

How supportive were my family and friends?? 

Hmmm....I think I'll title this "A Trek Through Hell To Happiness", and I'll start with the most important people in my life. 

On The Bright Side

My wife loves me......Beverly.  In her own words "more than the sun, the moon, and the stars".  In the life experience of being transsexual, it's the best you could ever ask for.  We are more loving and intimate, actually, than before.  She would be heartbroken if I ever even tried 'going back' to Mike. 

My children are adults, and accept me totally.  My son's acceptance is absolute, although he is still a bit confused, and at first felt a little betrayed by a father figure he looked up to all his life who transitioned to a woman.  But he loves me just the same. 

My grandsons love me to pieces (almost literally sometimes), and to them, I am Nanna.

My sisters are perfectly fine with me being Bev.  When I told my younger sister 2 years ago, she said "woo hoo!  This is the best news I've heard this year!".  My older sister could not see Bev at first, through a haze of a lifetime of "Mike" imprinting, and took a while longer, although her partner could see right away (yup......that'sa girl alrighty).  She told me later she cried a few days, and when I asked her why, she said, "It took a while for me to get used to knowing that you're a lesbian".    Wow.  Okay  LOL.

Losing It

I lost all my so-called fiends in the wink of an eye.  Gone.....just like that.  Marcy and I lost our church family the same way.....in the wink of an eye. A largish congregation, about 1200.  Even our (EX!) pastor never responded to my email to him.  With the exception of about three people in that church, we were, and still are, effectively "shunned".

At work, I lost all my other so-called friends, and spent almost a year working essentially alone in an otherwise sociable sales group.


Happy Ending

Okay....so where's the silver lining in this monologue?
Well, for every so-called friend I lost, I gained four that liked me for who I am.  At work, the old so-called friends finally became friendly, semi-caring associates, and I'm back in the circle again with new respect.
We're in a new church now, as an openly same-sex marriage, and are welcomed by all, as far as we can tell.  They listed us in the church as Mrs and Mrs Beverly _______

AND, the very best part....we're still very romantically in love.


Finally,
Mrs and Mrs

[cindybc]

Well maybe some day the stars will line up and we, me and Wing Walker, will meet you Miss Bev, I would love to get to know you. I didn't have the luck you did with the family although there is nothing more I wish then to see then again before I buy me that ticket for the Intergalactic Grey Hound bus. But much of the rest of my story is similar.

Cindy

[Janet_Girl]

When I came out 25 years ago, my Dad's reaction was "not in my house".  At the time I was living with them so it became a nesseccity to go back in the old closet, for 25 years.

The first of this year I again came out to my wife and step son.  They both hatched a plan for divorce and sell the house.  So I was cast out to be on my own and to sink or swim so to speak.  I not only swam, I am doing the backstroke and enjoying the water.

The funny thing is that they separated because of major problems I was swore to never tell.  But now she has come back to me as a friend.  She told her family and at first it was throw him out.  But now they refer to me as Janet and her, at least by report.

My daughter and sons know now.  My daughter accepts me and we have had some good chats.  My oldest son wants nothing to do with me.  My middle son has contacted me and we have chatted some, nothing really close.  My youngest knows but has never contacted me.

The only bad thing that has happened by coming out is the loss of my home and my wife.  Thank the gods that my folks are both gone now, as I know my Mom would never understand as she had Alzhimer's.  And my Dad would have not taken it well and I could not accept his death because of this.

Work is going well as is the rest of my life, for the most part.  Nothing that a little, Ok a lot of money wouldn't help.

Janet

[cindybc]

Hi Janet hon, the way I see it nothing went any worst then expected of us ladies in the making.  Actually I believe you took the bull by the horns and made some beef stew, what else can you ask for. Money, eh, whose got any of that stuff. If you count those deer poo poo carefully you will end up with lots of bucks.

Cindy

[katherine]

Hi Cindy!  I came out to my mother one night on the phone.  I was at my lowest level of depression ever and among other things broke down into some heavy crying.  I told her I had something to tell her, and her first question was, "are you gay?".  I said no and explained.  She essentially said everything would be okay and turned out to be very supportive.  In a letter she sent me afterwards, she said she wasn't surprised because of the way I was as a child, but she never elaborated.  She informed my sisters, who were also very supportive. They had even told their children that they were getting a new aunt. My step-father, while he wasn't angry about it, was not supportive either.  After a few months, he managed to be accepting.
My wife, on the other hand, was not at all pleased.  I had already started therapy when I came out to her.  She was angry and upset.  We argued often and she became quite distant.  I talked her into attending my last therapy session, which was required by my therapist.  On our ride back home, she said she felt like we had "ganged up" on her.  Because of my commitment (vows) and my feelings for her, I stopped my transition.  Now, I've begun again, fully aware that my marriage will likely dissolve.  Not really a choice.  I'm really very tired of living a lie.

[Naturally Blonde]

It was a little easier for me because I didn't come out. I was fairly consistant with my feminine persona throughout and there wasn't any great change involved in my life.

[cindybc]

Hi Katherine, that is good that you have your family behind you. It is so much better to begin transition with support. I didn't have support of family but I did have a small group of women friends who rallied around me gave me clothes, a lot of suggestions, and emotional support, which I badly needed at the start of my coming out.

As for my mother, God bless her soul, I believe she knew something was different about me. She caught me dressing up on several different occasions and never said anything. Looking back on it some years later I realise that even if she would have wished for me to find the right help she wouldn't have known where to send me, back then in the 60's transsexualism wasn't a very well known word, and back then it wasn't as easy to access any help like it is today.

So yes I think if a mom is close to their child they know things about that child that the child probably doesn't even realize about themselves. But when it comes to the phenomena of transsexuality "Oh my, Oh Dread!" Then they go into denial until the beast can no longer be hidden.

Before I came out all I could think of and aspired to do was to be closer to family, to be able to show my true feelings.

I try to put all of that stuff with family behind me, it hurts to mush to dwell on for to long. I believe myself to be a kind sensitive gentle person, always have been, I was always the quiet type, I kept to myself because people wouldn't understand even if I said anything I had in my mind and heart.

Yet I was there for anyone who needed help. I consider myself a good person, I just don't understand why they would want to be cruel to me, I am not cruel to anyone. I just don't understand that so this is why I try to keep it out of mind. 

May God bless all of you who still have family rallying behind you.

Cindy     

[Ms Bev]

Well maybe some day the stars will line up and we, me and Wing Walker, will meet you Miss Bev, I would love to get to know you. I didn't have the luck you did with the family although there is nothing more I wish then to see then again before I buy me that ticket for the Intergalactic Grey Hound bus. But much of the rest of my story is similar.

Cindy

That would indeed be very cool, Cindy, Wing Walker.  We do seem to have some things in common for sure.  As you said......if the cosmic lines intersect just so some day.  Those lines intersected just so last Fall, and I was able to visit with Chef Annagirl for lunch.  We walked from her office to the TS Buffet.  LOL....yes, there really is such a place.  The intention, I believe, was for the sign to read "T's Buffet".
Anyway, we had a lovely time, and our 45 minute lunch lasted 4 -1/2 hours!  There was just so much to share.  It was a blast.  So, sure.  Some day if Marcy and I can scrape enough nickels together, it would be very nice.


Bev

[cindybc]

Or if it should be you can make it out to Seattle we could meet there or Vancouver, they are only a little over 100 miles apart. We are planing on going out east sometime to visit a friend on Long Island but not certain when that will be. Might be going down to California to meet a friend this summer but it is all only just maybes at this time. Well I can only pray that if it be that the stars and the cosmic lines intersect then be it. Did you visit Washington DC area? Wing Walker use to live there up to 4 years ago.

Cindy

[Ms Bev]

....... Did you visit Washington DC area? Wing Walker use to live there up to 4 years ago.

Cindy

Then he lived very close to me.  I'm a 45 minute drive away.  Visit DC?  No, not if I don't have to (sorry Chris).  I'm a sub-suburban woman.  Don't like the cities much, although downtown and metro DC was part of my sales territory a decade ago.
I live on a part of the Chesapeake Bay, quiet area, a little slower life style.  Marcy dragged me over here 22 years ago, kicking and screaming all the way, but now you couldn't drag me off the eastern shore.  I'm lovin' it!


Bev

[cindybc]

Wing Walker lived in the DC area for 29 years, DC, Maryland, and Virginia suburbs.  She lived in Crofton and Linthicum Heights for a time and loves the Bay.  She also misses the few oysters available and says that she can still crack a crab with the best of them.  She's curious to know if you live in Anne Arundel County.

I hear you about living out where it's quieter, Wing Walker and I are seriously thinking on moving either late summer or fall to White Rock, closer to the countryside. But still only about 25 miles out of Vancouver. I don't want to get to far away because I still work part time at the woman's shelter down town.

I have an interview with Kate, the Executive Director for the position as Casual Program Assistant. Just to say I started out just volunteering last year. Needless to say I am excited. I guess that proves that some of us old hippies have still got what it takes. "hee, hee," I have another hippie friend working there as well, and I love swapping stories with her. Goodness, I talk to much, I think I better get myself to bed.

Have a wonderful day

Cindy 

[klodefm42]

I eventually plan to come to my parents but thats a ways way off. I have come out to some people I know. The ones who I thought werent gonna be accepting were  and the ones who I thought were, well they sure as hell proved me wrong   

[Naturally Blonde]

I didn't ever come out. I was never in. My path was pretty much on track from an early age. There were no surprises and the reaction has been much better than I thought it would be.

[klodefm42]

Thats good to hear.

[cindybc]

Hi Naturally Blonde, that's a good attitude to have, everything should work out fine if you have already started at an early age, you should be aware of the possible hazardous pitfalls in life that you should be wary of as well. No different then any of the other young ladies out there should be aware of and be cautious of.

Cindy 

[Naturally Blonde]

Hi Naturally Blonde, that's a good attitude to have, everything should work out fine if you have already started at an early age, you should be aware of the possible hazardous pitfalls in life that you should be wary of as well. No different then any of the other young ladies out there should be aware of and be cautious of.

Cindy

Hi Cindy, I did start at an early age but that was 20 or more years ago! but it helped develop the way I was going so there wasn't any surprises later on..

[cindybc]

Hi Naturally Blonde

Well you have 11 years up on me. When I started out I wasn't planing on having a partner and I didn't drink so that eliminated about 80% of the chances of ending up in the wrong places and getting hurt. As it is I only got hurt once and that was enough to teach me a lesson, don't wander around alone on the streets after dark on deserted streets.

But two years after I started I met another MtoF TS and four years later I went for SRS and we got married in Ontario the following year and we been living together for the past four years now. I'm happy, probably the happiest I ever been for a good many years. So it can be done, you can transition and find peace and happiness in life.

I left all the crap behind me the day I decided to transition.

I do pray all went well for you. So few of us still in transition appear to find that elusive peace and happiness. The thing is that It is not something on the exterior or something that will please the exterior to look fore, it's an inside job.

Cindy 

[paulault55]

The only person so far other than my doctors, my TS group, my HR department at work and some online friends that i have come out to is my stepfather and i just did this last Friday, it went totally different than i expected because he is pretty religious and 89 years old, and a few months ago when i told him i was seeing a therapist he kinda shut down and didn't want to talk about it, but so far i have his support, my step sister i think will be supportive but I'm pretty sure my step brother and his wife will not, they didn't like me before so i don't think things will change now. I plan on telling one of my good friends maybe as soon as Saturday because i think she is starting to put things together like me wearing nail polish, woman's jeans and Reboks along with a few other physical changes, shes a very open minded person and a few months ago when i told her about seeing a therapist, it was like doesn't everyone.

Paula.