about to take the next step

[sylvie]

I've been going to see a therapist since August, and she has been very helpful with my coming to terms with myself.  Up till this past year I have dealt with my dysphoria by suppressing it.  However it becomes harder all the time.  I searched for some help because it is all so consuming.  At first I went hoping to find a new way to control these feelings while also hoping to finding a way to embrace them. 

Well it has been almost 6  months now.  I started with major butterflies in my stomach that first day.  I just couldn't stop shaking, but towards the end I felt much more comfortable.  I didn't start going enfemme until about the third or fourth visit, although I was still nervous and tried to hide while in public. 

A couple of weeks ago my therapist gave me the okay for HRT.  YAY!!!!!!  I have an appointment on the third of February at a local clinic that deals with transgendered.  Can you say more butterflies?  I am elated and very scared.  I have done a lot of research as well as read the experiences of others, but I am still afraid.  I have lived my life for what others have expected.  I have tried to blend into society as best as I can.  But I am so unhappy.  But what if it doesn't work, or what if I can never blend in?  I'm 5'11" and built like a linebacker.  I have other concerns as well.  But as I said before it is getting to be more of a driving force as I get older.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be very appreciated.  Thanks

Shawn

[sd]

But what if it doesn't work, or what if I can never blend in?

You won't know until you try.

[cindybc]

You have to come out of the nest and fly solo sooner or later. Might as well start now. Walk straight and proud, chest out, your back arched, shoulders up, sway the hips slightly and rhythmically and remember you have just as much right to be taking up space on the sidewalk or in that store as anyone else. Relax and just act like you belong there. No skulking or sneaking, that might be OK for rats, but not a lady. Same advice I gave to someone 9 years ago and it worked for her. I should know, she sits right here just a few inches away from me. 

And please do practice a feminine voice you can feel comfortable with. The voice is as important as the facial hair removal. and do practice that walk until it feels natural to you.

Cindy   

[paulault55]

Hi Sylvie,

Cindy gave you good advice i would like to add that before i started dressing as Paula i went to my local mall and observed what women were wearing and how they walked so i could fit in better, like you i didn't go dressed fully to my therapist till about the same number of visits, i usually have to wait in the waiting room and have yet to have anyone give me more than a casual glance. I have been on hrt for 8 months and my features have softened, my avatar is recent, i expect you may have similar results, i'm a big person too 5'9" and weight 208 and lifted weights for years, no more of that for this gal only cardio now. Like Cindy said get out there and hold your head up high feel confident.

Paula.

[sylvie]

Thank you all for the wonderful advice.  It is really appreciated.  I've been trying to find my voice but haven't had any luck with it yet.  I purchased a tape from Melanie Phillips years ago, but so far I'm not happy.  As for the walk, that I have had for years.  It's a part of who I am already.  I remember an incident a few years ago where a woman at one of our local malls stopped me and asked if I was a boy or a girl.  I had long hair then and was wearing jeans and a t-shirt but I wasn't trying to present as a woman.  It felt wonderful and exhilirating at the same time.  But that was before I reached my mid thirties, and gained a lot of weight.

My therapist told me that I should dwell more on my feminine traits rather than on the masculine.  I had never realized that my speech and mannerisms were feminine until she mentioned it yesterday.  Now my homework for the next week and a half is to think about my feminine traits.  Should be fun.  Add to that, my initial consultation appointment for HRT is on Monday.   

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to find someone to give voice lessons?

Thanks

[cindybc]

Hi Sylvie, may I introduce toy to my little friend here? Maybe she can help you with the voice.

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=s7qSJ19f_QU#noexternalembed&feature=related

[paulault55]

Cindy, that is part of a 4 part series she does on voice, i think this one is the best of the 4. It does take allot of practice months in fact. there are speech therapists that can help you but i think if you work at it long enough your voice will get there. And congrats on the consultation, let us know how it went.

Paula.

[cindybc]

Hi Paula yes there are four different parts to this video, I can post the rest here for anyone who might be interested to view them.

Your right about the voice training takes time even though I had a half way voice probably on the account of my small stature to start with I didn't have to train so much adjust as to correct the pitch which made it easier and less time consuming.

Once you find a spot in the pitch of your voice you find comfortable just concentrate on keeping it at that desired level.

Cindy

[placeholdername]

Hi Sylvie, may I introduce toy to my little friend here? Maybe she can help you with the voice.

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=s7qSJ19f_QU#noexternalembed&feature=related

Do you have a link to the other videos like this?  When I try to go to the actual youtube page for this it gives me an error and these look *so* helpful.

[cindybc]

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=ibJFGRMYPCc#noexternalembed&feature=PlayList&p=45C95D1BCBC0302C&playnext=1&index=1

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=V054CuvAUIg#noexternalembed&feature=PlayList&p=45C95D1BCBC0302C&index=2

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=qbaj4tIX1kw#noexternalembed&feature=PlayList&p=45C95D1BCBC0302C&index=3

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=BaxxEyZBgR4#noexternalembed&feature=PlayList&p=45C95D1BCBC0302C&index=4

More to come.

Cindy

[Mika N.]

Cindy,  those Candi videos are great!  Watching them gives me hope and the motivation to keep on working on my own voice.

Mika

[Lauren5158]

Hi Paula yes there are four different parts to this video, I can post the rest here for anyone who might be interested to view them.

Your right about the voice training takes time even though I had a half way voice probably on the account of my small stature to start with I didn't have to train so much adjust as to correct the pitch which made it easier and less time consuming.

Once you find a spot in the pitch of your voice you find comfortable just concentrate on keeping it at that desired level.

Cindy

Thanks, Cindy, for the videos!

In follow-up, I went to YouTube, did a search for "transgender voice", and was amazed at the number of videos available under that search!

I'll be spending quite a bit of time viewing these various videos... to help me!



  Lauren

With your mind, you will survive.  Only through your heart can you live!

[sylvie]

Wow!!!!!!

Cindy thank you thank you thank you!  Those videos are a big help.  I realize this will take a lot of practice and effort, but I'm giving it everything that I can.  I hope in time my voice will sound that good. 

[katherine]

Cindy, I saved the videos to my computer, they are wonderful!  cindiFLA discusses a process I'd read about some years ago. Your timing is perfect with these because I was just wanting to get started on my voice.  The young woman in the videos has a great sense of humor, too.  Thanks!

[cindybc]

That was one of the reason's I picked her, I love a sense of humor. My motto in my early transition, keep um busy laughing, while their laughing they don't have time to think about performing FFS on your face with a broken whisky bottle, still is my motto, and it works, everyone likes an upbeat lady. Honey is good for attracting butter flies as well as horse flies.

But honestly yes I liked her and she was instrumental in training my own voice.

Cindy

[Lacey Lynne]

Hi, sylvie!

As usual, my sisters here have given you such great advice.  I can tell you from much personal experience:  Walk around like you own the place anytime you're out in public.  It works.  Sure, you'll get an occasional heckler, but don't make eye contact.  If they're truly pricks, most malls and such have security for that very reason.  Just call them.

Walk around like you're Queen of the World! 

Hugs!