i know you've all probably had to deal with this...

[hayden.]

well, most of you.

my mother cannot grasp the concept that i am male. i have never actually gone in detail with her of what being transgendered really means, she just knows the basics. as in, 'changing your gender.' that's about it.

it's extremely frustrating when ->-bleeped-<- like this happens.

"i wish i had a son."
"you do have a son."
"no, i don't. i know what i gave birth to."

or she'll go,
"you're such a pretty girl, i don't know why you insist on keeping your head shaved. you look like a man."

... as if that wasn't the idea.

i really can't blame her much, since i haven't really actually sat her down and explained everything (i dread when i have to do this).
everything being transitioning, going on T, living as a man full-time, etc.

pretty much, she feels that i am female-bodied, so i am female and that's the end of it and nothing i can ever do will change that.

anyone else's parents the same?
and any ways to kind of help them understand better?

she's pretty uninformed on the subject (trans).
otherwise, she's all gay-friendly and whatnot.
not like she's a bigoted, conservative person;
i just don't think she can wrap her mind around it.

[natalie]

it is tough for parents. they want to think of ya in terms of what they already know. You are born and the first things people ask are "how healthy and what gender" the baby is. gender is such a huge part of who we are and were.

For me, my parents are still (hopefully) trying to come to terms with this huge change. Even the people that try the hardest and are the most sincere still call me by the wrong name / pronouns. It is as much a transistion for them as it is for you, and even much more so, since most of us knew this at a young age and knew some day we would do what we needed. Parents and people that knew us, see this huge change like a slap on the face. But in the end we got to be true to ourselves.

all the best.

Natalie

[hayden.]

it is tough for parents. they want to think of ya in terms of what they already know. You are born and the first things people ask are "how healthy and what gender" the baby is. gender is such a huge part of who we are and were.

For me, my parents are still (hopefully) trying to come to terms with this huge change. Even the people that try the hardest and are the most sincere still call me by the wrong name / pronouns. It is as much a transistion from them as it is for you, and even much more so, since most of us knew this at a young age and knew some day we would do what we needed. Parents and people that knew us, see this huge change like a slap on the face. But in the end we got to be true to ourselves.

all thebest.

Natalie

couldn't be more true, natalie.
we don't feel like we're changing into a different person, we feel as though we're just 'fixing' what was wrong in the first place; becoming ourselves, who we truly are and always were.
i have to remember that they see it whole-heartedly different.

i wish you the best of luck.
thank you, for your input.

[Mister]

I think it's pretty difficult for anyone, especially parents, to grasp.  When i told my folks, they admitted it was probably easier for them to come to terms with because i was taking action.  I told them right after I started on testosterone, had surgery plans forming, etc.  Otherwise what you're asking someone to grasp is your feeling like the opposite sex while still looking like the one you were born as. 

[hayden.]

I think it's pretty difficult for anyone, especially parents, to grasp.  When i told my folks, they admitted it was probably easier for them to come to terms with because i was taking action.  I told them right after I started on testosterone, had surgery plans forming, etc.  Otherwise what you're asking someone to grasp is your feeling like the opposite sex while still looking like the one you were born as.

very valid point.
i may not be on T; but i do, for the most part, pass.
she just thinks i'm masculine, she doesn't believe it's possible for me to actually be a man since i'm female-bodied. to her it's all about what's between the legs that determines this.
in her eyes even if i start T, to her i'll be a woman with facial / body hair.
i have a feeling nothing is going to change her opinion on that.

though i really hope when i do start transitioning (fully) that her views on that change.
most likely not, but hey, what can you do?

[Mister]

you need to find a friend, a super passable FTM, have them around your mom a few times and then tell her that this person is trans.  blow her mind.  sometimes, it's what people who think man = penis need to get overthemselves.

[Dante]

Yeah, my mom's like that. It's not that she's against it or anything, but I don't think she gets that I'm her son and not her daughter. Although, I too need to talk to her. She understands that I want to be male, but I'm not sure if she really understands that I am Trans and all that. But I just can't work up the courage (or get the right opportunity) to talk to her about it.

Most parents are like that, though. It's not that they aren't accepting you, it's just (like you said) that they can't really wrap their brains around it. It would be hard to do. Just imagine if you were in their place, and your daughter came to you and said that she was really your son. That would be hard for you to get used to, right? I suppose that all we can do is make sure they understand who we are, and give them time to come to terms with it.

[Walter]

My mom is like this but she's not supportive. She thinks anyone who is FtM or MtF is just gay. I tried telling her a few times that's not the case. She says "Ok" then maybe sometime later we'll get on the subject again and she'll just repeat what she said last time. I stopped trying. My parents wanted a girl after my brother was born so they'd probably hate the idea of having two sons

[Hazard "AJ"]

my mum was like this almost all my life till i told her how i felt. i was always a tom boy as a kid and a teen ages i was o way like alady at all.. i didnt look like a women or act like one. not cuz i made myself thats just how i am. i natrily act like a male. even before i told my mum.. she would all the time be u lookpretty in this and ect. but once i hit 18-19 she kind of stoped sometimes she would tell me how pretty i am and i would make a mad happy one day. i never crected her i just went with it and gave her a eyebrow looks LOL. i think she wanted me to say cuz she new already. she would ask me all the time, but now iv told her. its been a year since i have its diffrent. sjhe treats me like son. altho she pretty much did before. the onlyone who calles me sweethart and love, is my stepdad. and thats cuz he has been out of are lifes for a year and now his back its just habit. but his getting the hang of it.. calling me Mate, And we seem to like the same movies so we chill and watch them sometimes. But before i told mym mum its was sooo.. diffrent Just like what ur talking about.

[Zelane]

If you havent told her. You CANT really expect her to miraculously get it. Most of the time they keep thinking its a phase.

And one of the problems with the FTM transition its that in this society girls are allowed to be tomboys and butch. So if they see you being you (male) they associate that behavior with those other things and just say its that and even if they have some feelings that you are male and see something that gives them a clue, well they just block it from their mind.


If she its all set on genitals = gender. Try to explain her about intersex :p

[milliontoone]

Yeah I liked the poster who suggested having a super passable FTm friend around who you just wouldn't question was anything other than male.  Then drop the A bomb, that'll mess with her perception.

As for the genitals thing then how the hell do intersex people come to choose a gender and I am not saying all of them do but some do right?
It has to be about identity right and how they identify and FEEL because they have both sets of ahem...genitals.
Try raising this issue with your Mum, it could be fun....