Pretty sure I'm trans.. but there might be some androgyny mixed in there

[Sephirah]

This is largely just a gut feeling here, so highly likely to be wrong... but do you suppose it's possible that, perhaps subconsciously, part of you may be actually relying on your wife's resistance, and using it as a shield against your own fears... an internal justification for not taking action?

[soldierjane]

If it wasn't for my wife's "transition or family" ultimatum, I'd start HRT as soon as possible. If/when she softens her stance or I have to "transition or die," I'll start HRT. Beyond that, I'm not really sure where my path lies.

Someone asked "if there were no barriers, what would you do?" My gut-level answer is "I'd want to be a woman." However, I think my case is so infected with grey areas that I NEED that period of HRT while still presenting as male to figure out what the hell I need/want.

Does that make any sense?

I'd follow the gut level answer and see where it takes you.

If you plan to keep presenting as male, be advised though that being on hormones will slowly but surely erase the male in your features and people will start ma'aming you and referring to you as a female. This creates some... weird situations (I had to keep a weak male pretense at work for about two years after starting HRT). As you well know also, you will lose your fertility forever at around 6-9 months. For some people having biological kids is a big deal (in your case, more kids)

HRT is a pretty big deal, but not so that you shouldn't try it if you feel that it will make you happy. Body dysphoria is a supreme bitch.

[Nicky]

Thanks for clearing that up, cause it sounded like everything was 'shut up shop and hope for the best'.

It sounds like you are taking a good approach. I remember last year it did seem like you were diving head first into it and I remember thinking that you might be headed for a bit of a wreck. I think it is a good idea to slow down and try to bring your wife along with you. It would be good to be clear to your wife that at some point you will want to change.

I think this topic was more about the grey areas and we could move on and talk more about those if you want?

What I am hearing from you from your first post is your image of what a woman should be like does not quite match the image of who you are? Would that be fair to say? Just something I wanted to note incase you were not aware of it is that androgynes (or other non-binaries) are transgendered too and we can also be transexual.

[KYLYKaHYT]

I've never seen any reason why being trans and being androgyne should necessarily be exclusive of one another.

[Kendall]

I've never seen any reason why being trans and being androgyne should necessarily be exclusive of one another.

I think whats implied in this case is binary transsexual (HBS) vs non-binary transsexual or non-binary non-op

[Jaimey]

I don't really have anything to add other than if you do get to transition in any way, taking baby steps will help you find what is comfortable for you, what feels right, etc.  You'll be able to discover how far you want to go that way.  If you dive in head first, you might end up going to far.  At least that's how I work, generally. 

[Eva Marie]

I don't mind the idea of being a tomboyish woman.. I just worry that somehow I'm not "trans enough."

-I enjoy sex with women (natal and TG) as a man
-I have a lot of traditionally male interests
-I've kept my beard because I feel like as a man I look better with it
-I've never gotten a lot of enjoyment out of dressing as my "target gender," and the few times I've been with men while dressed were unsatisfying

I could go on and on, but there's all this evidence that is seemingly against the idea that I am a girl inside... Yet I can't shake the feeling that something just is "off" about me as a man... That my entire existence might be calmer and more content if I experienced it as a woman... Plus I've heard so many glowing accounts of the experience of HRT, and those physical and mental changes sound unanimously appealing to me...

I'm a mess, huh?

I think that a lot of us are quite familiar with what you describe. Not quite a boy, but not quite a girl either. Somewhere in between the two. It can be frustrating, or it can be liberating.

Take the time you need to decide what you really want to do.

[SpazOutLoud]

You sometimes have to sit yourself down and weigh the pros and cons of of androgyne or mtf. You sit and ask yourself "do I want breast?" "do I still want to grow a beard?" "why is my foot cold?"

It'll either be a quick decision or a long one. I went through something similar like this during my teenage years. It's not easy until you are sure of yourself and your decision.

[Kristen]

It sounds like you're looking for a path through you're own thoughts. You're thoughts are trying to divide their attention between you're gut gender feeling and you're doubts. Ideally, you would like to find a solution that harmonizes both of these trains of thought into a crystal clear answer to your problems.

It would be much easier for you to have this answer so you could decide what plan of action to take on these matters. The likelihood of you finding this answer by logical debate alone is slim. It would benefit you to take some action on this matter and find out how it makes you feel other than meditate on how you think it would make you feel.

Cast away all of your doubts and fears. Do what comes naturally and these answers will come to you.

[soldierjane]

I think that a lot of us are quite familiar with what you describe. Not quite a boy, but not quite a girl either. Somewhere in between the two. It can be frustrating, or it can be liberating.

Take the time you need to decide what you really want to do.

Indeed. Our experiences and feelings force us to abandon the safe confines of our physical birth sex and into a wider world. Some of us have a destination in mind, some of us just need to walk.

[Mr. Fox]

I don't mind the idea of being a tomboyish woman.. I just worry that somehow I'm not "trans enough."

-I enjoy sex with women (natal and TG) as a man
-I have a lot of traditionally male interests
-I've kept my beard because I feel like as a man I look better with it
-I've never gotten a lot of enjoyment out of dressing as my "target gender," and the few times I've been with men while dressed were unsatisfying

I could go on and on, but there's all this evidence that is seemingly against the idea that I am a girl inside... Yet I can't shake the feeling that something just is "off" about me as a man... That my entire existence might be calmer and more content if I experienced it as a woman... Plus I've heard so many glowing accounts of the experience of HRT, and those physical and mental changes sound unanimously appealing to me...

I'm a mess, huh?

I have many of these traits (albeit in reverse): I wear women's clothes, have long hair, no desire for facial hair, stereotypically female interests (knitting, fashion), etc.  None of this prevents me from being male, so your traits do not make you a nonfemale.  Also, remember that transition doesn't have to be all or nothing.  You could go on HRT but forgo surgery and hair removal, or some other combination, or do nothing, or do everything.  I think you already know this, but I love to hear myself type, so I decided to put that out there

[Simone Louise]

I'm writing to register the minority opinion, though in my case I lack most male interests. My wife and I live together with a certain amount of role reversal. She's the bread winner; I cook and she just called me upstairs to clean for a book discussion meeting she's holding tonight. So, I will continue when I am again at liberty.

S

[soldierjane]

Surprisingly, so aren't a lot of GGs.

[Kendall]

In my Transgender Studies Reader the is a piece written by Bernica Hausman mentioning how TS study and learn exactly what to say to therapists, through reading biographies of other's experiences many times even before going to a therapists. In that many times they "lie" or are skewed because they already know what works, and how to achieve SRS. And therapists therefore more often come in contact with seemingly ultra-feminine/masculine TS. Although after post-op such ultra-femininity/masculinity decreases for many.

If this is true, which TS may or may not agree, it could explain some of the apparent perception of ultra-gender.

[Jaimey]

It's just that I'm not as "uniformly" feminine as a lot of other transwomen.

I think you should just go with what works for you and not pay attention to any stereotypes.  If you feel like a woman, you are a woman.  There aren't any true definitions of what makes a woman.  Only you know what you are, so have confidence in yourself and honor your feelings. 

[RN1814]

tomboyish~!That's cool!! I mean ,you never choose to get totally feminine beCUZ your special situation,but make a choice of being a female with a little tomboyish~!Being cool & hot at the same time !Awesome!!Love your style~!!

[Simone Louise]

OK, where was I. Oh, I was writing to express a minority opinion. I do think that it is important for me to be myself/for you to be yourself. I also think human life is about relationships. I've been here for a year, wrestling with the inner reality that who I am does not match my body. In that time, I have come to the conclusion that if I can express my inner self within the relationships I have worked hard to build and maintain, I will have the greatest chance for fulfillment and happiness.

If you are in a relationship, where your partner cannot respect and accept you as you are, get out--regardless of whether you transition. I say that from experience, being in my second marriage.

I feel free, when we are looking at dresses, and my wife asks: "What do you think of this?" to ask in return: "For me or for you?" Unfortunately, dresses look ugly on me, and no hormones will change that. I can dream, though. On the other hand, I don't have the body hair some complain about. My wife has asked more than once whether I shave my legs; I don't. Last night, I made penne with cauliflower, tomato, and olives. Tonight, a beef stirfry. My kitchen is relatively clean. My wife likes my body. There's a smile on my face.

Here's to smiles on all your faces,
S

[Eva Marie]

Last night, I made penne with cauliflower, tomato, and olives. Tonight, a beef stirfry. My kitchen is relatively clean.

I want to come eat at your house! LOL..... 

[Pica Pica]

OK, where was I. Oh, I was writing to express a minority opinion. I do think that it is important for me to be myself/for you to be yourself. I also think human life is about relationships. I've been here for a year, wrestling with the inner reality that who I am does not match my body. In that time, I have come to the conclusion that if I can express my inner self within the relationships I have worked hard to build and maintain, I will have the greatest chance for fulfillment and happiness.

If you are in a relationship, where your partner cannot respect and accept you as you are, get out--regardless of whether you transition. I say that from experience, being in my second marriage.

I feel free, when we are looking at dresses, and my wife asks: "What do you think of this?" to ask in return: "For me or for you?" Unfortunately, dresses look ugly on me, and no hormones will change that. I can dream, though. On the other hand, I don't have the body hair some complain about. My wife has asked more than once whether I shave my legs; I don't. Last night, I made penne with cauliflower, tomato, and olives. Tonight, a beef stirfry. My kitchen is relatively clean. My wife likes my body. There's a smile on my face.

Here's to smiles on all your faces,
S

if that's not wisdom then i'm a block of cheese

[Nicky]

if that's not wisdom then i'm a block of cheese

I don't see why you can't have it both ways