First visit to the therapist... seems like a failure.

[lostandconfused]

I stand awkwardly in the hallways of the office while my mom speaks to the therapist first. Initially I don't do anything, but I couldn't resist some eavesdropping.
"He acts just like a ordinary boy, but he says he wants to be a girl. He plays video games... those shooter type ones too."
"Any sports?"
"No, not really. he keeps resisting" (True, I hate sports)
I get unnerved and move away from the door, worried that one of them will notice that I was listening.
Eventually it's my turn. I don't remember all of it, but...

He introduces himself, and hands me his card, which I nervously play around with for the rest of the session.
"So can you tell me about your family? Their occupations?"
"My mother was an accountant, my dad's an mechanical engineer, my sister's a 8th grader."
"And you're a sophomore correct? College is coming up soon; Do you have any plans?"
"Well, I used to want to be an aerospace engineer, but I'm reconsidering something involving more creativity."
"Engineer.. so you admire your father..."
"Well, not really..."
"Well, you must be on good terms with your mother. After all, she brought you here."
"...They did beat me as a kid"

"So sometimes you feel like you want to be a girl."
"That's right."
"Why?"
"I don't know for sure. But when I dress like one I get a warm, happy feeling..."
"I see. How are your friends? Their genders? Have any girlfriends?"
"My friends are split 50/50; I hang out with guys, but I don't trust them with any emotions. I've never had a girlfriend. I did have friends until recently since everyone used to make fun of me up until middle school."

"I see. Do you mast-"
"I'd rather not talk about that"

"Where do you get your clothes from?
"My mother's closet and sister's. I don't do it anymore because when I look in the mirror... Well when you're 13, you haven't hit puberty yet. I can still pass. Now it's been too long... I just can't I'm disgusted. And one of my fears is that I'd be middle aged and crossdressing, the image, argh.."

"How much do you know about this?"
"I've helped 2, 3, women... change into men. So I know about it. Now you're still young, we still change your mind with hypnosis. You have to want to change though. You want to change, don't you? Think about how disgusted your sister would be if she found out you went through her underwear. I mean, it is pretty harmless - no one's going to get hurt by wearing a superman costume at home, but if you wear it outside of home, people will think you're crazy."

Sometime later he invites my mother in, saying all this is because I'm confused when I see that boys and girls are different. He says I should do more sports and develp a more manly body to boost my self-esteem. (I look at him like he's crazy, that's exactly what I've been trying to undo for a year now) He strongly suggests changing me with hypnosis. At that point I sorta wanted to, to end my suffering. But after some reflecting I've decided not to. I'd be killing a part of myself. I might be crazy, but that crazy is me.

So what do you guys think? It sounded pretty unproductive to me 

[Miniar]

I don't know. I'd think any therapist that feels like he can concretely diagnose "anyone" after such a short talk is a hack and should loose their license to practice.. but that's mostly because of the amount of psychology I've studies.
I think that if your mom wants you to see him again that that's alright but then you'll have to put your foot down and tell him exactly what you will or will not do. If you don't want to be hypnotized out of being who you feel you are then you can tell him you refuse to allow him to hypnotize you. Heck, if it were me, I'd have some rather strong words for him beyond just that.

[Nicky]

It sounds like a failure, but this was not your failure l.a.c. That therapist is bad news.

They don't know what they are doing. Hypnosis, WTF! It sounded like they had already made up their mind before you even talked to them.

I would not go back to them. He should be working for you, not your mum.

I'm sorry to hear what happened. Just when you need the right help and support you get dumped with this monkey.

[Ellieka]

I agree with the others, this guy is a quack.

For the record, if you are female minded (have a girls brain) then hypnosis will not work. It may for a few years but then your desire to be a woman will over ride it and leave you worse off then before. People that have undergone hypnotherapy for GID often end up ravaged with guilt every time they dress as the opposite gender because of the subconscious "rules" and "walls" that were constructed during therapy.

I would seriously look for another therapist. One that specializes in Gender Identity Disorders.   

[Jeatyn]

He sounds like an idiot, sorry hun sure isn't gonna help with convincing your mom when she hears stuff like that from a "professional"

[Chrissty]

I'm with Nicky..

This guy sounds like a dangerous hypnotherapist with a pre-arranged agenda.

It does not sound like he has any real GID experience.

Any reputable therapist will explore with you how you feel, and work with you to understand those feelings for an extended period, before ever discussing the possibility of treatment of this type.

Don't agree to the therapy, and ask to see a real physcotherapist.

Maybe you should take a look at the following with your Mum if you havn't already..

https://www.susans.org/wiki/Standards_of_Care_for_Gender_Identity_Disorders#Psychological_and_Social_Interventions

Take Care Honey...



Chrissty

[BlueAndYellow]

Seems that this psychologist does not have any clue about anything at all. I would not go to see him again, there are so many other psychologists around, I bet you will find someone more serious somewhere near you.
hypnosis...I thought German psychologist can get crazy, but this would not happen around here, fortunately.

If he decides after the first meeting to change you somehow, you cannot take him seriously. I mean, he does not even know anything about you, does he? I believe he is not able to judge you at all and he seems to be totally incompetent for you.
I hope you can make your mother understand you want to see another one, she appears to be not too happy with your situation as well..
I really feel sorry for you, just search for another one!

[Wendy C]

Oh Baby, I have to agree with everyone else, this guy doesnt have a clue if he believes he can change you with hypnosis. He flat out scares me and all kind of red warning flags flags are going up. You seriously need to find someone else. If it all turns out that transition isnt right for you thats one thing, but I dont for a second think this guy is the one that can help to figure that out. Hugs Sweetie.

Wendy

[vanna]

I also agree this therapist doesnt sound too great but equally its up to you to make sure you get yourself across and understood correctly.

[Kaelin]

If your parents still beat you, you need to contact Child Protective Services for your area or call your city's non-emergency Police phone number.



His sports remark shows that a couple things:

1) He's a sexist airhead: plenty of functional men and dysfunctional women don't take an interest in sports, and heaps of dysfunctional men and functional women do enjoy sports.

2) He doesn't pay attention to details.  You've already expressed you aren't interested in sports.

Doctors and even therapists are somewhat prone to let ideology get in the way of their work, especially if they are not educated on the matter at hand.  Try to get an appointment with a *gender* therapist, because these are the ones that can actually do the serious things to help you.

If you believe you are stuck with this particular therapist again, you should probably do a little preparation.  Determine his qualifications and his areas of specialization (you should be able to get this information by calling his office -- you don't have to talk to him in particular).  Make a list of things you want to make sure you talk about next time, and make a note of things you don't want to compromise on ("I'm not interested").  If he persists over your objections, quiz him to see if he actually understands ->-bleeped-<-.  Don't be ugly, but do stand up for yourself.

I prefer the gender therapist option, though.

[Sophie90]

This therapist seems to have no idea what he's talking about...

Find a different one, for sure.

[Monique Martinez]

This "doctor" is what.... in his 40s-50s? and your mother is closer to his age than yours?? You are 13? ok after some quick math it has become clear that.. this "doctor" is not taking you seriously and has the interests of your mother over yours. Your mother afterall is footing the bill.
Prognosis = this "doctor" likes money.
See a specialist, suggest to your mother that you want an expert (specialist) opinion.
Good luck.

[Sephirah]

It seems to me that the questions were loaded, geared towards you answering them a certain way.

This guy sounds like a dangerous hypnotherapist with a pre-arranged agenda.

I would agree with this. It does smack of techniques that a hypnotherapist would use when they want to lead their clients down a certain path.

For example:

"Well, you must be on good terms with your mother. After all, she brought you here."

I'm not a trained therapist but that seems slightly... off. It's like he's telling you how you feel, and why, and expecting you to agree with him, rather than actually asking. Surely a better question would be: "What's your relationship with your parents?"

And:

"So sometimes you feel like you want to be a girl."

Again this doesn't feel like the right way to go about it. Surely it would have been better to ask something like "Tell me how you feel about your gender." Let you do the talking, not force you into a narrow channel of response. Allow you to express yourself with no preconceptions.

Hmmm... it seems he's already decided how he wants you to answer his questions and is just trying to ask them in such a way that you have no choice but to do so.

[Soapyshoe]

You only have to ask yourself this simple question: Do you want to have your beliefs change (so that you can fit in with what society wants you to do), or do you want to change yourself so that you can be more comfortable in your own skin?

You're going to change one way or the other, with time.  We all change.  That's life. 

Also, I know that you're not an "adult" until you're 18, but the decisions you make right now will affect the rest of your life.  It's important that you find a therapist that you like NOW.

You can either be indoctrinated into the church of "society", which may or may not make you happy.  Or you can find your own path to happiness.

P.S. That question about "what would they think if they found out" is such bull->-bleeped-<-.  I fail to see how making you feel shame and guilt for doing what makes YOU feel good and right is going to somehow heal your emotional wounds.

I feel for you.  Stay strong. 

GENDER THERAPISTS will provide you with the information you need to make the most informed decision as to what will and will not make you happy with respect to your gender identity.

P.S.S. I'm 25 and still crossdressing. I desperately want to have a more normal "life", and I can if I transition soon.  The crossdressing won't go away, I started when I was 12.  It's not a "bad habit", it's YOU doing what makes you feel good.

I got very desperate recently and wanted to start hormones before 3 months in therapy...now I can kind of see why they say to wait 3 months.  You've gotta drop the emotional baggage before you can think clearly, esp. if you're older like me. 

[chrysalis]

Hypnotherpay exists more or less on the fringe in the world of Psychology. It does work for some people, but not reputably well enough to be in mainstream practice. Personally I think it's a bull->-bleeped-<- relic from the early days that an idealistic few still cling to.

They say it's better to ditch the therapist rather than therapy all together. You two have no rapport and it sounds like he is being very one sided which can hurt (trust me I've been through something like this before). If you are sent to him again I would recommend confronting him with your concerns because, hopefully, he will change his approach.

[Natalie3174]

It sounds like your journey to the Darkside is almost complete...
Yes spy on your family..Spy on your therapist... Good........ Good...!

[anewlife123]

The therapists is an ->-bleeped-<- ...

[Kayden]

I think every therapist I've ever had, especially my gender therapist, would like to strangle this creeper.

Here's a giant list of gender therapists in the US (if that's where your from).  There's also some international listings.  This is by no means a complete list.  My gender therapist isn't even on this list and I love her to death.

This list doesn't advocate a certain mode of care or anything, it's just to help people find therapists in their area.

http://www.drbecky.com/therapists.html

[Hannah]

Wow. I can't believe that actually happened to you, I'm so sorry. I can't figure out which theraputic technique this quack was using, he seemed more like a lawyer taking a deposition...With full intention of finding things he could use against you. Seriously, wow. He was treating the idea that you are transexual like it is a symptom of something else, not a condition in and of itself. Danger. Run.

[paulault55]

I agree with what everyone else has said so far. He does not take you seriously, even when you told him they beat you as a kid, any good  therapist they would have wanted to delve deeper into that. He has helped 2 - 3 women change into men, doesn't sounds like he has any experience with M2F. He asked you "So sometimes you feel like you want to be a girl." do you feel like that sometimes or all the time. I would sit down and talk to your mother about what you told us here and be firm about it to let her know you are serious. Sorry you had a bad experience, my therapist listens to what i tell him and will ask questions once in awhile and it's like talking to a friend, if mine was like yours i would fire him.

Paula.