Phases of transition

[Terra]

I've noticed something as people talk about their life experiences and reflecting on my own. It seems once we transition there is a 'reset' of the maturity clock. In a way it seems we have to grow up all over again. The phases I notice I classify in 5 phases. It seems if you are in the same phase before you transition, once you reach it again you progress normally. Anyway, here they are and my observations of them.

Young child: Very timid, tends to run at the first hint of confrontation. Feels most at ease with people who previously were or are very openly accepting. Tends to allow friends and family to guide them in how to dress, which could present problems in their initial transition. If no one is present to help, individuals tend to go off of magazines or stereotypes in terms of how to dress. If not then trial and error tends to be the method.

Adolescent: Tends to be a little more open then young child, also can be very boisterous for guys and a little to feminine for girls. This is congruent with normal children as they emulate those they take to be role models for their gender. Albeit to a certain extreme. Their dress is a little more their own in terms of dress, but still heavily influenced by those that helped them in young child phase. If none helped then trial and error has started to come to fruition.

Teenage: Tends to live more openly, maybe has an 'in your face' attitude. Wants to rebel against anything they see that they feel holds them back in transition. Hair and clothing can change in style frequently as they struggle to create their own identity and image. Real life test can start here, but tends more frequently to occur in the next phase. Allowance of influence tends to be stopped or severely diminished here. While one may ask for an opinion on their dress, they tend to take it in consideration and not be in as big a rush to change it if someone does not like it.

Young adult: Still lives openly, perhaps with a 'if they ask then it is yes' feeling toward transition. Their dress  and image has more or less solidified. Dating occurs more frequently at this stage due to the Transgendered individual accepting themselves more then before. They also feel a bit more secure with living in the world. Real life test also tends to start here. Influence from others has tended to drop to the levels most adults allow.

Adult: Here the individual has come to almost if not complete acceptance of their status and life. They are complete in their image and most likely world view and is indistinguishable from any other adult in both how they live and what their attitudes are. If an individual reaches this stage stealth seems to be the preferred method of living.
Post Merge: February 26, 2009, 01:33:02 AM
So no one disagrees with this analysis? Everyone is fine with it? Or did I come write out something that was already common knowledge?

[Chrissty]

So no one disagrees with this analysis? Everyone is fine with it? Or did I come write out something that was already common knowledge?

Hi Terra...

..I think this just happens sometimes....Something that means a lot to us, doesn't hit others in the same way... 

...and then some dumb one line rant of a post we put up late one night, creates a small storm of comments. 

I can see what your getting at, and I think that we all go through the phases described....

....However.. I also think that circumstances and individual needs can cause us to not follow a logical progression, either by skipping a phase, or revisiting earlier phases as our mind-set changes. It may be that there are two progressions, the "conscious/physical", and the "inner" self

For me, I am yet to start transition.... I am older, but I am totally happy with the physical image I want to achieve so I would classify as "Young Adult", but I am struggling with coping/acceptance of my GID issues so I would classify as "Child". 

Maybe some more replies will follow soon....



Chrissty

[Aiden]

I can see that as well in more than one way.  When i first came out to myself and my closest friends it was like a bubble bursting.  I felt freed a bit but same time very dependent.  Kinda felt resorted back to being a child in some ways.  Had to start learning to adapt to the new role which am still learning.

[Northern Jane]

Okay, I am weird and did all that long before there was a road map but "transition" for me was like 3 steps.

In my early teens, I started living part time en femme, any time I could get away from home. I knew where I didn't fit and that gave me a chance to see where I DID fit.

When SRS became possible, I jumped at it and went full time, real female and dropped any pretence at anything else.

Over the first year or so after SRS, I "matured" and caught up to my sisters who didn't have to go through the same B.S.

Thirty five years this spring and NEVER a moment's regret.

[placeholdername]

I don't know about all the stages, but I agree with the idea of a maturity reset.  I don't know about other people, but I feel like I've been kind of stuck at a maturity level younger than my actual age, maybe because I don't want to step into the role of young man in any way (especially shape and form).  I still feel like I'm 19 or 20 maybe, I don't want to miss out on that stage of life as a girl.  Who knows what happens after that...

[Nero]

I don't know about all the stages, but I agree with the idea of a maturity reset.  I don't know about other people, but I feel like I've been kind of stuck at a maturity level younger than my actual age, maybe because I don't want to step into the role of young man in any way (especially shape and form).  I still feel like I'm 19 or 20 maybe, I don't want to miss out on that stage of life as a girl.  Who knows what happens after that...

I agree. I'm really immature for my age. I felt like you do, I couldn't grow up really, because there was nothing for me to grow up to.

[Mister]

I disagree with most of it, actually... but i'm out of time for a point by point analysis.

[icontact]

Stages are correct, ages not necessarily. Generally the age at which one starts to fully switch over depends on your area, the information you had been brought up with, the information you were able to find, how tolerable transition was. Here in California it is very possible to be at the young adult stage at 16, which I am. Perhaps say in Tennessee, you may not get to the adult stage until 40.

[Mister]

Stages are correct, ages not necessarily. Generally the age at which one starts to fully switch over depends on your area, the information you had been brought up with, the information you were able to find, how tolerable transition was. Here in California it is very possible to be at the young adult stage at 16, which I am. Perhaps say in Tennessee, you may not get to the adult stage until 40.

The internet bunks geography.

[Rachael]

I disagree quite strongly.

For a start, i didnt lose maturity when i transitioned... i stayed exactly the same thanks... As for turning meak... again, wrong...

living out? being 'in your face' erm? no?

finally accepting yourself and what?

This seems like your view, not everyones. I think that this is almost as bad as the 'stages of transition' for f2ms someone posted a while back which ends in them living happy out trans guy lives.... Utter fiction at best.

[Mister]

I've noticed something as people talk about their life experiences and reflecting on my own. It seems once we transition there is a 'reset' of the maturity clock. In a way it seems we have to grow up all over again. The phases I notice I classify in 5 phases. It seems if you are in the same phase before you transition, once you reach it again you progress normally. Anyway, here they are and my observations of them.

Actually, I didn't slide into some sort of lame immaturity- just the opposite. Transition forces you to advocate for yourself with your friends, your family, your physician, etc.  You learn communication skills and how to deal with the multitudes of idiots that live on this planet.

Young child: Very timid, tends to run at the first hint of confrontation. Feels most at ease with people who previously were or are very openly accepting. Tends to allow friends and family to guide them in how to dress, which could present problems in their initial transition. If no one is present to help, individuals tend to go off of magazines or stereotypes in terms of how to dress. If not then trial and error tends to be the method.

My friends and family never 'guided' me with how to dress, other than one kind friend who gave my first binder a few alterations.  But i have to say, you are quite thorough- people learn to dress through suggestion, media influence or by social acceptance.  Who'd have thought!  That's what *everyone* does with *everything.*

Adolescent: Tends to be a little more open then young child, also can be very boisterous for guys and a little to feminine for girls. This is congruent with normal children as they emulate those they take to be role models for their gender. Albeit to a certain extreme. Their dress is a little more their own in terms of dress, but still heavily influenced by those that helped them in young child phase. If none helped then trial and error has started to come to fruition.

I just told my girlfriend that in my adolescent transition stage, I was boisterous.  She laughed like crazy.  I am one of the calmest, most laid back people you'd probably ever meet. 

Teenage: Tends to live more openly, maybe has an 'in your face' attitude. Wants to rebel against anything they see that they feel holds them back in transition. Hair and clothing can change in style frequently as they struggle to create their own identity and image. Real life test can start here, but tends more frequently to occur in the next phase. Allowance of influence tends to be stopped or severely diminished here. While one may ask for an opinion on their dress, they tend to take it in consideration and not be in as big a rush to change it if someone does not like it.

Sorry, I didn't do that RLE BS- I just started my stealth llife  No test.  no evaluation.  no SOC crap... just lived.  Nothing in your face, ever.  No rebelling either.  Sorry to disappoint.

Young adult: Still lives openly, perhaps with a 'if they ask then it is yes' feeling toward transition. Their dress  and image has more or less solidified. Dating occurs more frequently at this stage due to the Transgendered individual accepting themselves more then before. They also feel a bit more secure with living in the world. Real life test also tends to start here. Influence from others has tended to drop to the levels most adults allow.

Didn't live openly here either.  I was stealth.  I was dating all through my transition, not putting my life on hold like you seem to think everyone does. 

Adult: Here the individual has come to almost if not complete acceptance of their status and life. They are complete in their image and most likely world view and is indistinguishable from any other adult in both how they live and what their attitudes are. If an individual reaches this stage stealth seems to be the preferred method of living.

Jesus, seriously, you need to quit speaking for everyone.  This is just horrible.

[Northern Jane]

Actually, I didn't slide into some sort of lame immaturity- just the opposite. Transition forces you to advocate for yourself with your friends, your family, your physician, etc.  You learn communication skills and how to deal with the multitudes of idiots that live on this planet.

There's something I would strongly agree with! For me that all ended at transition/SRS and it was such a blessed relief to just get on with life!

[Aiden]

Actually, I didn't slide into some sort of lame immaturity- just the opposite. Transition forces you to advocate for yourself with your friends, your family, your physician, etc.  You learn communication skills and how to deal with the multitudes of idiots that live on this planet.

My friends and family never 'guided' me with how to dress, other than one kind friend who gave my first binder a few alterations.  But i have to say, you are quite thorough- people learn to dress through suggestion, media influence or by social acceptance.  Who'd have thought!  That's what *everyone* does with *everything.*

I just told my girlfriend that in my adolescent transition stage, I was boisterous.  She laughed like crazy.  I am one of the calmest, most laid back people you'd probably ever meet. 

Sorry, I didn't do that RLE BS- I just started my stealth llife  No test.  no evaluation.  no SOC crap... just lived.  Nothing in your face, ever.  No rebelling either.  Sorry to disappoint.

Didn't live openly here either.  I was stealth.  I was dating all through my transition, not putting my life on hold like you seem to think everyone does. 

Jesus, seriously, you need to quit speaking for everyone.  This is just horrible.

Seriously Mister, you need to quit taking things so personal.   I don't see her saying every transsexual went through it.  It's just a theory she is sharing.

[Jeatyn]

Almost daren't post because of the hostility in this thread towards OP but whatever xD

I sort of agree in regards to what seems to be happening with me.

I didn't regress into immaturity, I just seemed to have no personality at all since from around the age of 13 to..well...about a year ago when I started thinking about transition.

I have a massive blank spot in my life where I did...well...absolutely nothing. I made no progress in life, made no friends, didn't grow or change as a person at all.

As soon as I accepted/realised what was wrong with me and started to make changes everything suddenly went into fast forward.

Totally skimmed over childhood, adolescent, teenager, and done a quick hop in to young adult stage. Like a light inside my head just went "ding"

[Mister]

Seriously Mister, you need to quit taking things so personal.   I don't see her saying every transsexual went through it.  It's just a theory she is sharing.

OP asked for feedback.  The only transition experience i can speak of is my own, so i did.

[Terra]

OP asked for feedback.  The only transition experience i can speak of is my own, so i did.

Its alright, I did ask if anyone disagreed with it. But I did get a slight sting over the accusation that I was speaking for everyone. I don't do that as there are to many variables for me to ever be able to speak for everyone.

I was suggesting that a lot of people do go through at least one or two of these phases. I never went through the 'child' phase. I never went super girly. However I was extremely timid when I first started, and have moved on to 'young adult' before going to 'teenage'. At least that is my own analysis of me.

This is a morbid comparison but the only one I can think of. In medicine we are taught the five stages of death. I believe they were Denial, Rage, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Someone faced with death may go through all phases or just one. Sometimes they skip, go back, or never move on from a stage as well. I was attempting to organize transition in about the same way, afterall some kids grow up and mature faster then their physical age, some kids never grow up.

If I confused anyone I apologize, this was just a theory I had and was wondering if anyone else saw this pattern or not. But again, if I confused or insulted you I apologize.

Almost daren't post because of the hostility in this thread towards OP but whatever xD

I sort of agree in regards to what seems to be happening with me.

I didn't regress into immaturity, I just seemed to have no personality at all since from around the age of 13 to..well...about a year ago when I started thinking about transition.

I have a massive blank spot in my life where I did...well...absolutely nothing. I made no progress in life, made no friends, didn't grow or change as a person at all.

As soon as I accepted/realised what was wrong with me and started to make changes everything suddenly went into fast forward.

Totally skimmed over childhood, adolescent, teenager, and done a quick hop in to young adult stage. Like a light inside my head just went "ding"

I didn't mean immaturity as in acting like a child per say, I meant immaturity as in dealing with relating to the world as the new you. The phases I marked off are hall marks I have been taught about children's behavior in relating to the world. If you have problems dressing yourself, then maturity is not your problem.

A lot of people when they go shopping for the first time for clothes will go with someone they trust. I have heard that for quite a few people. These people will suggest what they should wear to 'pass'. In my case I first went with a much older transsexual and walked away with the wrong clothes for my age. A genetic girl friend took me a few days later and helped me pick out clothes much better suited to my age. Some people don't do this, my girlfriend didn't. She just started getting clothes and never thought twice.

So the maturity I am referring to I guess is more in confidence in yourself and your self image.

[Just Kate]

OP, I too have noticed patterns similar to this.  Good job.

[Mister]

Perhaps this post is more valid for the MTF experience than the FTM.  Pre-transition ftms can walk around wearing men's jeans and no one bats an eye.  Male 'fashion' isn't all that difficult to grasp and women get more leeway with being masculine than men do with being feminine.

[Rachael]

Hangon... If the OP's last post is correct... they dont even agree with thier own stages that they said before reflected thier experience... ?


Tbh, If this is a m2f experience, i didnt experience it. Just like Jeatyn.. i had little to no personality pre transition, i was on autopilot. Transition gave me life, but i think the stages are far too rigid and weird to fit anyone sane and functioning....

Returning to a child like meakness and dependance.... nope

growing my own opinions and views... Yeah

Rebeling and being out about things?  Nope

Further rebeling and deciding my own fashions and apearance? well from day one...

Dating and being set in my ways? Pretty much from the Off like Mr... THings went to quick for me to be like this. I was full time and passable within 9 months of starting hrt and begining transition.

As for the fashion magazines being only a secondery source of how to dress... um, where do you think these family and freinds find thier knowlage? Under the sofa? Plus id much rather learn what works for me, than wear what someone wanted me to wear.... So far, its worked pretty good...

Mister: i still wear mens jeans sometimes  The benefits of a patriarcal society!

*Takes off flanel shirt and shaves legs*

[Mister]

What?!  Women's jeans?! 

The most comfortable shoes I own are women's.  I made the mistake of looking for a new, not totally shredded up pair while i happened to be wearing them.  Sales guy says, "What size are the ones you're wearing now?"   Me "Hrm, uhhm, the tag is worn off... I dunno..."  LIE.