Some assorted questions

[TheRedJadeStones]

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[lizbeth]

Hi Jade, first of all welcome to susan's! you'll find a lot of valuable information here as well as some awesome people to support you through this what ever you decide.

1. i've been battling my weight all my life, i haven't gotten down to the "little or no flab" left state yet, but I'm hopeful I will gett here eventually .  without knowing how much weight we are talking about, i'd say it's entirely possible - you've seen the jenny craig commercials, haven't you?   one tip I can offer if you want a slim figure, is to incorporate stretching excercises into your routine.

2. without a pic it's hard to say, but makeup is a wonderful tool for hiding certain flaws and enhancing your best features. natal women come in all shapes, colors and sizes and some have some very prominant male features as well. to answer your question though, yes FFS can definately help you to acheive a more feminine face and during your consultation they have virtual pictures to see the proposed before and after. hormones also have a way of softening your facial features too. since you don't feel that you look all that masculine to begin with, I don't think you would need FFS at all (beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all ).

3. define decent? 5'6-5'7 is what I would consider an average height for a woman.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Jade,   

Welcome to our little family. Over 1800 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another sister.   

Question 1:  Sorry but I am slim and always have been.
Question 2: I agree with Eliza, with out a pic we can not tell.  My avatar is me without any FFS, just some makeup so you judge the 'Blendablity". ( I hate the word 'passing' or any form of the word.  )
Question 3: I am 5' 10"  A little tall for a woman, but I have seen taller.
Janet

[sabrina]

Anybody can lose weight but it takes effort.  I have lost 65 lbs in the last year & a half.  Like so many other things in life it just takes dedication and perseverance. 

I am sure there are other ladies here with more experience and knowledge; but I am a firm believer in *HRT* and allowing that to work for a while on your body before jumping into any surgeries.

[paulault55]

As far as your first question, I'm still pretty big, just over 200 lbs but have lost 20 lbs in the last few months, it takes dedication to do this, watch what you eat and exercise. Look around there a women of all shapes and sizes. Your acne problem will probably resolve itself once you are on spiro, it will dry your skin, the acne boards talk about using it.

As far as your second question goes, until you have been on hrt at least a year i don't think you will know if you will need or even want ffs, look at my avatar this is me after 9 months hrt, compared to a pic before i started it's almost like night and day. A picture like others have said would help.

Number three i wouldn't worry much about unless you are 7" tall, I'm 5"9" and don't think I'm too tall, again look at other woman there are plenty around 6'

I would suggest you start looking into getting any facial hair you do have removed, either by laser or electrolysis as soon as you can, it's a lengthly and costly process. And start to work on your voice, there are allot of free resources around on the net, voice can take a long time to master. 

Paula.

[Naturally Blonde]

Hey there, first time poster, and very new to this whole "transsexual thing", at least in action. M2F to be specific.

I'm not sure where to really ask these, so I'll do it here. I've been planning on transitioning for around 6 years now (currently 19) and am currently taking it step by step. Unfortunately, a few years back was on some medication, and when I went off of it, had a nasty kick back and gained a lot of weight. So currently I am focusing on losing this weight and getting rid of (or at least significantly reducing) my acne. My question is, has anyone else here dealt with weight loss, and is it at all possible to have little to no "flab" left over. I ask this here, since I'm doing it in the context of transitioning.

Second question, anyone I can find out if I have any potential at being passable? I know FFS does great work, but I'm wondering how much it can benefit me. Personally, I don't think I look very masculine at all (don't really have much facial hair really, impossible for me to grow a full beard) but obviously, I'm biased . I just want to know if I'm going to be able to make any progress, or just be wasting my time.

Third question, is being around 5'6-5'7 decent height for a woman?

Thanks in advance for any help.

You have the same kinds of doubts I've been had for years. I originally thought I was a good candidate for transition as I was taken as female a lot over the years before I considered transitioning. But by the time I started transitioning I was well into my 30's which I thought was too old. I didn't have body hair and couldn't grow a beard and I am quite fair skinned. I still have doubts as I want to be the best I can be and so constantly compare myself to genetic females. 

I do pass but I'm still cautious about the limitations of transition and feel disappointed with my fat distribution profile. I thought HRT would work better in me as my mother is quite endomorphic and I thought I would follow suit.

As for height I'm 5'7" which is a bit on the taller side for a female here in the U.K but I think in the U.S.A people are generally taller than they are over here.

All I can say is to transition successfully is a lot harder than you might expect.

[Hannah]

Hello there, welcome!

There used to be someone who did virtual ffs, I don't know if theyre still around or not but I have never heard anything but praise for the service. Basically it's someone with a pretty good knowledge of what hormones and surgery are capable of who photoshops your picture up for a pretty resonable fee. Just an idea if your'e really worried about it.

The full name of the drug is Spironolactone.

The loose skin thing is pretty individual, but a fair guide is stretch marks. The more of them you have, the greater the chance of loose skin when you lose weight. At 19 years old though, your odds are probably pretty good.

[gothique11]

1. Losing weight takes effort. I tend to go up and down, although I find it much harder to lose weight now that I've had SRS. Not that I'm very big, and I'm pretty average and more of a healthier weight than I was before SRS. You don't need to be uber skinny to look more feminine. In fact, a little bit of fat is good especially with the HRT, as hips, boobs, and all that jazz is made of fat. If you're too skinny, it can actually make you look too masculine as it can make your shoulders look bigger.

2. HRT does a lot to how your body looks and how your face looks. FFS can be an option if you want or feel you need it. There is no ideal woman and women come in all kinds of shapes. A lot of mtf fall into the feminine range once on HRT for a length of time. As for myself, although I've been told that I don't need FFS and I don't have issues in terms of "passing" I have considered it. The reason is that I know that I'll always be able to pick out what I think are "flaws," even if others don't see it. On the other hand, I'm not sure if surgery will even fix that. I try to work on my self confidence and self acceptance most of all -- I find that goes a long way.

FFS is a personal decision that some people choose to take or not, and FFS isn't always about passing either. I would recommend being on HRT for a length of time before FFS as your face will change with the HRT. I found the changes really kicked in after my SRS, so that's something to consider as well, since you'll need to save for both. My hips have also grown out a lot since SRS. Some people go for the FFS before surgery, or have SRS before FFS -- again, personal choice.

3. Your height is fine.

[sabrina]

You keep saying you never asked how to lose weight well I don't think anybody is telling you step by step how to, you asked if anyone has and several answered.

A lot of over weight men don't feel they match society's view of masculinity so they assume that means they look feminine, its not really the case they just look like fat out of shape men.  Huge difference.

Acne can be cured with proper skin care its not that hard to figure out.

I....... gained a lot of weight. So currently I am focusing on losing this weigh and getting rid of (or at least significantly reducing) my acne. My question is....... has anyone else here dealt with weight loss,

[Hannah]

I just want to know if I'm going to be able to make any progress, or just be wasting my time.

I keep coming back to this and it's kind of worrying me.

If your physical appearance were doomed from the outset, would you not want to transition anymore?

[Valerie Elizabeth]

There used to be someone who did virtual ffs, I don't know if theyre still around or not but I have never heard anything but praise for the service. Basically it's someone with a pretty good knowledge of what hormones and surgery are capable of who photoshops your picture up for a pretty resonable fee. Just an idea if your'e really worried about it.

http://www.virtualffs.co.uk/index.html

Even if you cant afford it, the site is still a good resource.

[Valerie Elizabeth]

Looks like the site is down, but thanks anyway!

Hmmm....Thats weird.  I just visited it.  Maybe it's being blocked for you. 

Not sure.

[Soapyshoe]

If your physical appearance were doomed from the outset, would you not want to transition anymore?

That's an interesting question to ask.  I've seen some linebacker-type MtF's that go to Iraq, come back 250lbs of pure muscle, and transition.  They seem happier afterward, despite not fitting into normal female ranges (i.e. "passing" flawlessly).

But then there seem to be people who don't quite fit nicely into their current gender role/identity, and I think their knee-jerk reaction is to switch sides.  It becomes a question of wanting to fit in on the other side, because they don't fit in on their current side.  Transitioning may or may not make these people happy.

I suppose therapy is a good place to work out the reason for the desire to transition, and to make sure it's based on realistic expectations.

[sabrina]

I detect you're have an issue with me, am I right? If so, why is that?

Oh no god no sweetie, its just my own opinion I was giving that is all.  I don't know you @ all still I would only wish you the best. 

[Soapyshoe]

Well for me, it has nothing to do with me not "fitting into" the current gender role, but something I felt since I was like 9. That being said, if I really can't pass at all, that's just asking for a lot of unnecessary grief, and etc., for myself. I honestly don't think I'm that "doomed" though, especially with some work done, so I'm not really that worried about that. I was simply answering from a hypothetical.

That's an interesting scenario --- what if you get deep into transition, but for whatever reason, despite working with images coaches, etc. etc. etc. you just don't pass on an "appearance level".  You've done everything under you control (voice, movement, clothing, etc.) but for some reason the physical parts aren't working out, and you're getting sir'd WAY more than you'd like.

Would you still "transition" if you knew this would be the case?  Some people would say, "Absolutely," while others would probably hesitate.  I can't blame the latter camp, because social acceptance as the opposite sex/gender can be really important. 

Just imagine what it was like in the 1800's.  You either castrated at an early age, or you spent your life as a transgendered person in the wrong body.  They simply didn't have options, so they had to deal with the psychological fallout of being in the wrong body.

Now people have options and have seen that they CAN relocate to the right body.  But there's variability in the fix, and others end up with a more desirable result for whatever reason.

I suppose everybody's got a different perception of what it means to transition.  If I had to answer my own questions, I'd probably be okay with coming out more on the "androgryne" side of things.  If people tended to see me as male despite my best efforts, I would learn to live with being stuck in the middle somewhere.

I just think my current place in life just isn't where I want to be, no matter how hard I try to rationalize it.  The slight risk that I wouldn't fully "pass" is worth it. 

Between hair, clothing, makeup, HRT, FFS, vocal coaching, etc. etc. etc. I don't see how a person could end up so horrendously disfigured that they couldn't be accepted by society (FFS disaster?).  That's really the only thing to "fear".  The genetic dice were rolled when we were born, and we simply have to accept the hand that we were dealt with regards to bone structure and HRT.  The rest we just have to control.

[cindybc]

Ashling
That's an interesting scenario --- what if you get deep into transition, but for whatever reason, despite working with images coaches, etc. etc. etc. you just don't pass on an "appearance level".  You've done everything under you control (voice, movement, clothing, etc.) but for some reason the physical parts aren't working out, and you're getting sir'd WAY more than you'd like

Well I'm afraid that some of us still don't have a choice. Sitting on the fence so to speak is not an option. To keep it short, for me it was either get off the fence or  comit *hari kari*. I chose the former of the two, to fully transion, regardless of the fact that I didn't pass as a woman any more then a chimpanzee in a dress.

Well I also later seen some who were transitioning that looked like apes in dresses and now they look just like any other, large lady you may meet on the street or the supermarket. I had the advantage of being small, and had a higher pitched voice then normal for a male.  But still had to put on some weight in orfder to have the adequate fat distribution to give me a softer curvier apearance.

RedJadeStones, It can be quite amazing what two years of HRT can do for some folks. I was completely integrated in society in the small town I lived in. I have since moved and where I live now no one knows about my past and see me only as who I represent, a lady in her mid fifties. Just give the HRT time to do it's job before deciding on FFS. And please consult a therapist who specialises in TS, if you have not already.

Cndy

[Hannah]

Well I'm afraid that some of us still don't have a choice.

Thank you, I was trying to figure out how to word that. Taking medications that can make you feel like there's porcupines running laps in your head, electrocuting one's face for hours a week, or using the laser and feeling like you skin is being charred and cooked alive, hiring someone to cut your neck open and sand off the bumps, PAYING someone to peel the skin off your face, grind down your bones then stich it back on, and last but oh not least...anyway. It doesn't seem like something undertaken on a whim or if there were any choice.

[TheRedJadeStones]

RedJadeStones, It can be quite amazing what two years of HRT can do for some folks. I was completely integrated in society in the small town I lived in. I have since moved and where I live now no one knows about my past and see me only as who I represent, a lady in her mid fifties. Just give the HRT time to do it's job before deciding on FFS. And please consult a therapist who specialises in TS, if you have not already.

Cndy

Cool, I'll probably do HRT for a while, then likely get the FFS, I can always use a little help .

I suppose everybody's got a different perception of what it means to transition.  If I had to answer my own questions, I'd probably be okay with coming out more on the "androgryne" side of things.  If people tended to see me as male despite my best efforts, I would learn to live with being stuck in the middle somewhere.

Eh, I can settle for decent like I said before, but if it's impossible for me to actually assimilate into the role, I don't really see the point, others may be happy with that, but I probably wouldn't. Though, as I said before, that's not really a worry for me, I'm not really very masculine, and I think with some work, I'll look fine . Let's not really drag that out any further.

Thank you, I was trying to figure out how to word that. Taking medications that can make you feel like there's porcupines running laps in your head, electrocuting one's face for hours a week, or using the laser and feeling like you skin is being charred and cooked alive, hiring someone to cut your neck open and sand off the bumps, PAYING someone to peel the skin off your face, grind down your bones then stich it back on, and last but oh not least...anyway. It doesn't seem like something undertaken on a whim or if there were any choice.

Well, I figure it's all about commitment, it'd be worth it to me.

[Soapyshoe]

for me it was either get off the fence or  comit *hari kari*. I chose the former of the two, to fully transion, regardless of the fact that I didn't pass as a woman any more then a chimpanzee in a dress.

Just give the HRT time to do it's job before deciding on FFS.

Cndy

I have a lot of good things going for me in my life, so my gender dysphoria seems really mild most of the time.  It comes at me in bouts, though, so some days I just feel like I'm being crushed by a boulder.   I've been slowly realizing just how many female qualities I actually have...I keep catching myself playing with my hair, biting my lip, etc. etc. and I never even realized it before.  Just doing small things like that keeps me from going completely insane.

I've thought about doing FFS after 1 year on HRT and then just going full-time...it would be VERY moderate, just some light removal of testosterone-induced bone growth.

Is there anything that makes this particularly risky or undesirable?

[cindybc]

We may have the XX chromosome formed minds but we mustn't forget that we were raised and conditioned to think as males by parents, other members of family, peers, teachers, preachers, and most of general society. Many of the female traits you will find are still stored instinctively within our subconscious minds waiting to be remembered.

Once you start HRT then the next best step is to observe and learn from the best of teachers around you. You don't have to look far. They are all around you, these teachers are called, women. Mother, sister, aunt, next door neighbor, girl friends, and other women around you, in a store, a restaurant, on the street, etc, etc.

Observe, learn well from your teachers and let the estrogen open the dormant memory banks to the other stored latent traits, individualism's and characteristics, and the idiosyncrasies of your own repressed innerself. And do allow your own intuition to come into play.

All of this I done while on real life test the first two years of transitioning full time. After two years I passed quite well I believe because of attentive observations, remembering and all that time the estrogen was also doing it's thing. I never had FFS but to tell the truth if I would have had the money I probably would have. That is totally ones own option. If you have the money then by all means.

As Social Worker I wasn't rolling in dough and it took me five years to come up with a means to get the surgery let alone FFS.

Cindy