I'm back to Transition after Some Denial

[Tanya1]

Im back ladies & girls...

Back 8 months ago my family forced me off HRT. Long story, won't get into it. Later on. After all that useless drama & undue stress, I had been in denial & felt a bit... I don't know how to describe it but, "delaying" and UNCONSCiUlSLY coming up with excuses.

I had a therapist and he felt I had a case. I remember once he told me to draw a male and female. Later on he commented, "you drawed the female first, males draw themselves first"

Anyways, I stopped seeing the therapist. Became a workaholic, I worked a lot in business just to get away & occupy myself....

All it did was solve nothing, waste my time & allow myself to live by someone elses rules....

Well the girl inside me is not going to play nice any longer. Anybody that's going to stop her will be knocked out of her destiny brutally and very cold-heartily. And that applied to any family member >>>they can burn in hell!

Truth is this:

I never had friends.
I never went on dates.
still haven't been interested I'm sex.
Wore my moms lipstick, mascara, foundation, heels and clothing.
I used to pluck my eyebrows, use womens facial products.
called myself female pronouns when I was 3, began talking very early as a baby, & made very long eye contact with my mom day after I was born. (female infants mostly make eye contact)
wore nail polish.
Listen to girlie music.
don't know a thing about sports.
wore girlie tattoos.
wish I had a fanny when was 4.
attempted to cut my penis off @ 11.
took some tests and they confirmed I had a female brain.
took herbal hormones...
stole my moms birth pills.
attempted to self-medicate.
wished my penis would go away as a child. Tried to hid it between my legs and tried to break my balls at 9 years old!
I don't, but those are some pretty big red flags screaming "GENDER IDENTITY DISORDER"...

Sister said I acted "Gay as a kid"...

Anyways I can't live as a man & yesterday I came to the realization that I was becoming a workaholic to hid my problem. The biggest lesson I've learned is to never allow other people, especially really stupid, low intelligence and ignorant people from influencing you. In fact, 2 of these female felt really jealous when I was WaYyyy slimmer than them and my skin was A LOT softer. They were really envious and told me to get off the hormones >>> you probably have a phase & it unacceptable

Yeah, I can read people like a childrens story book, I know if their jealous or happy. But they only reason I got off was because they were so good with making up bs like "transwomen never succeed in life and they are messed."

Well, F them, there's nothing I can do to change my brain. If I could I would, heck, I tried to change myself.

Then they brought up religion. Religion is the biggest bs, no offense to anyone of course.

I am now made my mind to screw society AND even narrow minded family. Im going to live as a woman. I even plan to become pregnant as a lady. or if not then adopt a girl.

Getting prescribed back on hormones, getting SRS,FFS, laser removal and moving off in 2 years.

Your thoughts ladies? Do you think my signs of GID is real? I think they are pretty valid and reveal a lot about me.

[Janet_Girl]

While none of us are really qualified to diagnose, except of maybe Nichole.  You sound an awful like most of us.

The best person to judge is you.  And your therapist.

Janet

[imaz]

Yeah, I can recognise a load of those things you mention.

As for diagnosis only you can really know.

There's a big difference between religion and it's practitioners...

[helenr13]

I never had friends.
I never went on dates.
still haven't been interested I'm sex.
Wore my moms lipstick, mascara, foundation, heels and clothing.
I used to pluck my eyebrows, use womens facial products.
called myself female pronouns when I was 3, began talking very early as a baby, & made very long eye contact with my mom day after I was born. (female infants mostly make eye contact)
wore nail polish.
Listen to girlie music.
don't know a thing about sports.
wore girlie tattoos.
wish I had a fanny when was 4.
attempted to cut my penis off @ 11.
took some tests and they confirmed I had a female brain.
took herbal hormones...
stole my moms birth pills.
attempted to self-medicate.
wished my penis would go away as a child. Tried to hid it between my legs and tried to break my balls at 9 years old!
I don't, but those are some pretty big red flags screaming "GENDER IDENTITY DISORDER"...

Sister said I acted "Gay as a kid"...

Hey, congratulations, you've passed! We've all been there dear - some people do something about it, others like me leave it way, way too late in life to have a meaningful transition because we're too weighed down with accumulated baggage and just get by as best we can. Don't be like me. Just be understanding of your family - I hope they too will come to understand what you are going through.
Best wishes xx

[Genevieve Swann]

Doesn't sound like you have any identity problem. You appear to have a tight grip on things. Denial of course is river in Egypt. Rather be an Amazon Queen.

[cindybc]

Hi Tanya1, I beleive you are in the right place, get yourself a therapist and continue from where you left off 8 moths ago, this time, do it for yourself. Family are usually the hardest to convince and it may be in your best interest you leave distance between you and them, at least until they are ready to listen to you under your own terms and that of your therapist.

Yea, welcome back for me too.

God Bless

Cindy 

[mina.magpie]

You are the only person qualified to diagnose you, but yeah, as Janet says, you sound suspiciously like the rest of us.

Oh, and welcome back.

Mina.

[Marshplains]

As one that had more than her fair share of denials the only thing i could say is keep seeing a therapist even while in the denial phase. What some feel , GID or whatever someone calls it  , doesnt go away because we decide to bury it .

It lingers and it gets excruciatingly painful as you grow up . The sooner you figure out what you need to do to keep your sanity the better. I am not saying that you have to decide on a particular course , i am saying that you better use any means available to you to figure out asap what takes away that pain.  Cause it wont go away by it self .

[whatw]

As one that had more than her fair share of denials the only thing i could say is keep seeing a therapist even while in the denial phase. What some feel , GID or whatever someone calls it  , doesnt go away because we decide to bury it .

It lingers and it gets excruciatingly painful as you grow up . The sooner you figure out what you need to do to keep your sanity the better. I am not saying that you have to decide on a particular course , i am saying that you better use any means available to you to figure out asap what takes away that pain.  Cause it wont go away by it self .

I have to say i agree. i still saw my shirnk even when others had talked   me into putting the breaks on transition

[Tanya1]

hey girls,

Yeah I'm back. I'm busy so I only come here sometimes.

But you guys are right. My GID since 1 year has worsened. Anyways I'm working out, eating right, sleeping right and going back ok hormones in a few days.