it was worse than i imagined

[Yochanan]

My mom kept asking me questions like about being a boy and if that's what I wanted, and I told her I just dont feel like a girl and she asked what it meant and basically it boils down to im out and it was horrific. no one believes me. everyone is against me. i dont have the capability to explain the way i feel, especially not at a very emotional time like this. im quitting pot cold turkey today. i want to get the hell out of here and just be on my own, i want my own life, im being smothered by my parents. my moms going to make my life a living hell from now on. im feeling panicky and i dont know what to do and i feel like ending things. i dont know what to do. all my mom could talk about was how she couldnt handle it again and how no one will ever take me seriously because my other moms trans and that everyone would be against me and no one would ever ever understand or want anything to do with me. i dont know what to do.

[Sephirah]

Honey, first of all try and calm down a little and think about this rationally. I know it's hard and your emotions are racing, but just take a few deep breaths.

First question: was it only your mom that you came out to today?

[Yochanan]

yeah just my bio mom. she may or may not tell anyone else

[imaz]

Knocking it on the head with the weed is a good idea. Long term it messes one's head.

Take it slow and easy, play a waiting game and let the others put their foot in it. Always stay calm, polite and nice and you will succeed in what you want.

[Yochanan]

Thanks for the replies y'all.

My mom just called me back and we had a long, calm talk about how she will always love me no matter what. I think the shock got her and she freaked out but now she is saying that she'll be behind me no matter what I decide to do. I've never felt so relieved in my LIFE. Jesus. I feel faint. I'm so, so happy that she calmed down and thought about it rationally. She told me that she thought about it and she knows I'll still be the same on the inside, as my mom who's trans (biodad) is still the jackass she always was (lol).

I figured she would come around but I didn't expect it this quick. I'm so relieved, 'cause if she's behind me, the rest of the family will be, too. AND instead of giving me $20 for pot every week, she's giving me $20 towards my savings instead. I feel so much better. I love my mom.

[tekla]

$20 for pot, that wouldn't last anyone I know a day.  So it might be easier on you.

[Sephirah]

Thanks for the replies y'all.

My mom just called me back and we had a long, calm talk about how she will always love me no matter what. I think the shock got her and she freaked out but now she is saying that she'll be behind me no matter what I decide to do. I've never felt so relieved in my LIFE. Jesus. I feel faint. I'm so, so happy that she calmed down and thought about it rationally. She told me that she thought about it and she knows I'll still be the same on the inside, as my mom who's trans (biodad) is still the jackass she always was (lol).

I figured she would come around but I didn't expect it this quick. I'm so relieved, 'cause if she's behind me, the rest of the family will be, too. AND instead of giving me $20 for pot every week, she's giving me $20 towards my savings instead. I feel so much better. I love my mom.

Well... there goes the post I just spent 15 minutes typing out, lol.

I'm happy to hear that, honey. *big hug*

[imaz]

Your mum's paying for your weed!

That's the kind of mum that would have done me just fine!

[Yochanan]

Well... there goes the post I just spent 15 minutes typing out, lol.

I'm happy to hear that, honey. *big hug*

Sorry! lol

And, the $20/week is just what my mom bought me, discounting what she and my other mom gave me and smoked with me. But that's over for now, and surprisingly, I feel really good.

[mickie88]

wow, you're lucky to have two moms, my spouse and i are lucky to even have one!!! :>)

good luck to you :>)

[RebeccaFog]

When I was just a little younger than you are, I quit smoking pot and my head became filled with fantastic ideas and I had a lot of energy.

The difference you feel may depend upon how heavy your usage was, but it is really worth the change.

[Yochanan]

My mom and I didn't really talk much about my gender issues except to say that we're not going to talk about it in front of my little sister, and my mom told me sometimes the baby says, "Giggy's a... boy?" so i told my mom its ok for her to correct her at this point since i still am technically female.

the pot is a lot worse. my mom kept offering it to me last night but i didnt smoke; i drank tequila instead. and today i noticed that i am feeling very very very angry. i am full of rage, worse than i was before i started smoking constantly. i hate feeling so mad but i cant help it and i dont know what to do about it

[RebeccaFog]

It's possible that if you've been smoking a lot, you have been dampening feelings that you might otherwise have worked through.  Give yourself some time.

[sd]

Ease off the alcohol, everyone reacts differently to it, this may be your way.

Not that its a good thing to start doing anyways and I am not sure about T hormones, but on E they do not recommend mixing with alcohol. Its like smoking, just don't start and you will be better off.

[FallenLeaves]

Pot can be an okay coping mechanism in my opinion. I feel like I can really do some of my best soul searching while high. It's just easier for me to be honest with myself for some reason. I've recently massively cut back myself though. My girlfriend and I were relying on it a bit too much for depression. We're keeping it to a half sack or less a week now (about 25 dollars here in ID). We were smoking around a half ounce a week or so (about 200 dollars). It makes it considerably harder when about 80% of my friends are regular smokers. My mom and her friends all grow it and smoke it too, although I don't know why they even bother with the ridiculous amounts of money they have. Maybe to avoid dealers? At my parent's Christmas party my dad was going around asking all my friends for pot for his friends to smoke since they were out (although he doesn't smoke himself). I had to laugh at that.

Some of my friends are definitely real deadbeats but I think if you keep it under control it can even be a positive thing in your life. Same with alcohol.

[Suzy]

I am glad things are working out for you.  And I am glad about your decision to stay off pot.  At the risk of sounding like a goody goody, know that I did my share in my day.  I am not casting stones.  It can stay in your system for a good while.  Yes it is a coping mechanism, but I found out later, it was not a very good one.  It only dulls your feelings.  It cannot change your situation.  In the long run you will only feel better by helping to change your lot in life.  Pot makes that harder to do, not easier.  I am sure to those who are regular smokers, what I am saying sounds stupid.  But the truth is, until you have been away from it for some time, you really don't realize how it has affected your thinking.  Added to that the legal problems and job screenings you are likely to encounter, you are a lot better off putting money away for your transition.

I truly wish you the best.  You have made a great start.

Kristi

[Yochanan]

Thanks for all the replies, everyone.

Each day off the pot gets easier. Life sometimes seems a bit dull and unexciting, but then I remember how pot makes the time slow down and makes everything seem more boring (much more boring than being sober). I've been having some trouble sleeping but it's not interfereing too much with my daily life. I thought today that I might indulge on my birthday (the 17th of this month) but I doubt it would be a good idea. I need to get a job.

[Luc]

Okay, I'm sorry, and I'm going to get flak for this, but for god's sakes... why would you quit smoking pot and drink more??? Have you no idea what the statistics are on the dangers of alcohol? I am a huge proponent of the medical marijuana movement, and as such, am pretty well educated on its risks and benefits. Yes, it can make you not care about things that perhaps you should... but as far as affecting your long-term psychological well-being, it has no ill effects. Alcohol, in contrast, does.

Now, nothing is beneficial in excess. I will admit that I smoked pot every day for a good year or so, and while it had no lasting effects, I did notice I wasn't as motivated to get things done as I should have been. However, I had two straight years of incredibly harmful binge drinking in my early twenties, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Honestly, pot has saved me from alcohol, depression, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, anxiety... so many times I can't count. You might think it over, and if it actually does help you, you can avoid the legal ramifications by getting a legal prescription for medical marijuana. This is widely accepted in California, and though there are naysayers who will tell you the government will proscecute you if you join the registry, I have never known that to happen.

In the end, a joint now and then is far less detrimental to your physical and psychological health than a shot or two of liquor, or even a prescription anti-depressant or antianxiolytic.

SD

[FallenLeaves]

Okay, I'm sorry, and I'm going to get flak for this, but for god's sakes... why would you quit smoking pot and drink more??? Have you no idea what the statistics are on the dangers of alcohol? I am a huge proponent of the medical marijuana movement, and as such, am pretty well educated on its risks and benefits. Yes, it can make you not care about things that perhaps you should... but as far as affecting your long-term psychological well-being, it has no ill effects. Alcohol, in contrast, does.

Now, nothing is beneficial in excess. I will admit that I smoked pot every day for a good year or so, and while it had no lasting effects, I did notice I wasn't as motivated to get things done as I should have been. However, I had two straight years of incredibly harmful binge drinking in my early twenties, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Honestly, pot has saved me from alcohol, depression, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, anxiety... so many times I can't count. You might think it over, and if it actually does help you, you can avoid the legal ramifications by getting a legal prescription for medical marijuana. This is widely accepted in California, and though there are naysayers who will tell you the government will proscecute you if you join the registry, I have never known that to happen.

In the end, a joint now and then is far less detrimental to your physical and psychological health than a shot or two of liquor, or even a prescription anti-depressant or antianxiolytic.

SD

Pretty much completely agree with all that.

[RebeccaFog]

But not everyone needs to use pot or alcohol once they've passed through the phase of using it.        For me they were just two different stages in my life.    People can do quite well without either intoxicant.   

some people will use for a while and then never again, or they may stop and then start up again for a while.

I guess I should say I vote for pot over alcohol, though.