Hi Jake,
Try not to worry about pitch, but inflection instead. Use lots of glottals, clip your words, and "punch" words for emphasis rather than changing pitch. Think of the Chicago superfans from Saturday Night Live -- practice saying 'Let's just say dat da winner shall be a certain team, from a certain Midwestern town, dat starts wid a C, ends wid an O, and inna middle is HICAAAG."
~Alyssa
