How to do female put downs?

[Cindy]

Hi All

I hope this os OK. Virginia Marie and I have become friends over the world by email. It's great someone to have girl talk too.

Virginia has a real bitch of a Apt Manager. I know with the cis girls I know they conduct themselves with subtle and not too unsubtle put downs that are accepeted as such. OK some are just down right rude. Guys just punch each other out or deal with it by violent swearing.

Can I have some pointers. What do you say to a bitch? What do you say to a bitch that has some percieved power over you?
Sorry. I'm none violent, but there are ways to deal with intra sex disputes. I haven't learned them.

Love and Peace to the World

Cindy James

[Sephirah]

It might help if you gave a few hypothetical situations. A lot of it is context and being observational.

*looks around furtively*

Uh... I mean I don't recommend that, I would suggest trying to stay calm and trying to accept that people only have as much power over you as you are willing to give them. The more they can see they are getting to you, the more you're giving them exactly what they want... a reaction.

It becomes a vicious cycle of tit-for-tat which gets worse and worse. One person has to break it.

[Mister]

o.0

seriously, this is a topic?

[RebeccaFog]

Yes, Mister,

This is a topic.  If you find it frivolous, you don't need to respond.  However, someone asked a question seeking help and it should be respected.


Rebis

[Genevieve Swann]

Leiandra is correct about the vicious cycle. Maybe complimenting the person and being overly polite. To the point of sarcasm.

[V M]

I didn't mean to upset Cindy in regards to my apt. mgr. But I do often feel picked on. This has been going on for over three years. I've always paid my rent, never late. I have often help people at various times and get along with most folks there. But for some reason she is often very critical of me. She makes rather sarcastic gender based comments. "You should wear a dress and carry a purse." "Well, are you a girl?" etc. Sometimes I think she's just trying to be funny. But often I can tell that I'm being slighted. She tries to blame me for what ever problems arise around here. Luckily some of the other ladies defend me to a point. But most of them don't want to get into it with her either. Anyway, we have inspections this week and that always stresses me out. I keep a clean place to begin with. But I have to get it extra clean for the inspection. But nothing is ever good enough for her. She will always find something to nit pick about. 

[mickie88]

I didn't mean to upset Cindy in regards to my apt. mgr. But I do often feel picked on. This has been going on for over three years. I've always paid my rent, never late. I have often help people at various times and get along with most folks there. But for some reason she is often very critical of me. She makes rather sarcastic gender based comments. "You should wear a dress and carry a purse." "Well, are you a girl?" etc. Sometimes I think she's just trying to be funny. But often I can tell that I'm being slighted. She tries to blame me for what ever problems arise around here. Luckily some of the other ladies defend me to a point. But most of them don't want to get into it with her either. Anyway, we have inspections this week and that always stresses me out. I keep a clean place to begin with. But I have to get it extra clean for the inspection. But nothing is ever good enough for her. She will always find something to nit pick about. 

lol, you have one of those ladies too!?! we did too, until Brittiney and another girl in the same building complained about all the crap she wanted us to pay for(like an extirmination for a 3-floor building--if that had been in the lease i would never have signed it!). the other girl moved out and we went for a few months without one, but she was never ever disrespectful to my face about my transition, so i give her credit for that, but as an apt. manager she really stunk.

[Janet_Girl]

If she is being abusive of her position, then report her behavior to the owners or property management.  Check with your state in regards to tenants rights.

If it is a personal difference, and you are not a problem tenant.  Consider moving.  And stand tall when you deal with her.  Be the geart lady that you are.

[christene]

I think Cartman says it best:

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/153246

[V M]

That is a cute video, brightened my day 

I think mostly it's the waking up at 4:00 am and having an anxiety attack from the stress that bothers me. Can't sleep, shaking, difficulty breathing, on the verge of an all out panic attack.
I think about moving all the time. The moment I find a place and can afford to move, I'm Audi 5000 - gone down the road....

[Sephirah]

Well... if she says anything about the inspection, you could always say:

"I'm sorry it's not clean enough for you. Unfortunately, candle wax is a pain to get out. Especially black candlewax. Y'see I've been busy trying to call into existence the redolent, hideously malformed, haemorrhoid-infested demon that was having a really bad day and decided to inflict you on the world as a punishment for the bowel discomfort.

I was hoping I could convince it to change its mind and drag you back to whichever circle of hell it vomited you up from.

That obviously doesn't seem to have worked. So... give me a bottle of carpet cleaner and I'll have the wax out in a jiffy."

Then smile sweetly.

...

Or... not.

[Jay]

My favourite saying "What comes around, goes around" sometimes it takes a little while getting there.. but it sure does come back and hit you on the ass.. (I talk from experience)

Put downs

Well they are normally individual.. I would only know how to put someone down if I knew them personally.. I would just study what they hate about themselves and work on it from there


Jay
Post Merge: March 10, 2009, 04:11:42 PM

Then smile sweetly.

That works the best

Jay

[Eva Marie]

You know how the old saying goes, "I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.". For whatever reason this lady is enjoying yanking your chain. It could be that she has an evil intent, or that she treats pretty much everyone rudely, or that she is mental, or all 3. Whatever.

If you get down and dirty with her you are going to get dirty, and she is going to like it.

And, like someone else said, she can only put you down if you let her.

Take the higher road, and kill her with kindness, or at least ignore her. You'll sleep better at night.

[Mister]

Yes, Mister,

This is a topic.  If you find it frivolous, you don't need to respond.  However, someone asked a question seeking help and it should be respected.


Rebis

Rebis, it's the blatant and repeated sexism.  Why on earth is a MTF perpetuating such language?  And why on earth isn't it covered in TOS?

[NicholeW.]

Rebis, it's the blatant and repeated sexism.  Why on earth is a MTF perpetuating such language?  And why on earth isn't it covered in TOS?

You have a problem with the way a poster states something, perhaps you should take it up with the poster. You have a problem with the TOS then the TOS suggests a remedy.

At this point you are posting only confrontations with people. Please stop or they will stop.

Nichole

[Andrew]

There's not really much difference between the way males and females respond to disputes -- that is, if they're reasonable and nice about it. I would not want to make an enemy out of someone who has power over me. If they don't, I'm not as careful, but the suggestion of "killing them with kindness" seems to be the way to go. Not sarcastic, sickly-sweet kindness, but real, disarming kindness. It's hard to be mean to someone who doesn't react, responds kindly, and refuses to acknowledge that you're being mean.

[Alyssa M.]

"You should wear a dress and carry a purse."

Response: "You should lose some weight." Or, if you're in a particularly frisky mood, "You should wear a bag over your head."

"Well, are you a girl?"

"Well, I am a woman ... but I'm not so sure about you."


--


Andrew's right though. Making her embarassed to be so awful typically works the best. But sometimes you need to mix things up to get through to somebody who just doesn't get it. I had this happen with an acquantance -- a good friend of a good friend -- who was harassing me. I stood up to him and made a bit of a scene (entirely appropriate, since he was being really awful) and he's been incredibly contrite since then.

edit -- I was modifying it while you responded, Nichole!

[NicholeW.]

As Andrew points out though, your responses, Alyssa, although perhaps satisfying in the short term would do nothing to disarm the problem. They would, prolly, make it worse.

I have to admit that I like Andrew's solution.

Nichole

[chrysalis]

Digging into her looks in subtle ways is one ofthe best, trust she'll be steamed if you can flip her. Basically you have to make jokes at her expense, and a lot of that comes down to saying something indirectly. A lot of this gets specific to the situation, but in general I like to play off of their words.

For example:

Witch: What?! Listen, you had better respect me as your Apt. Manager or else!

Nymph: Oh don't worry, that's the only way I'll respect you.

The footnote to all of this is that, as many have said, this only further inflames the situation so use these tactics sparingly and only when she is pushing too hard.

[TamTam]

I looooove snappy sarcastic comebacks.  I really only use them with friends, though, because otherwise there's too much risk involved.  How much do you value your job?  If you do, then unfortunately, acting like a b*tch is not the way to go.  She can because she's your boss; while that does suck, you have no real way to make her change on your own without any help from higher-ups.

But, just because I love this sort of thing so much..

You should wear a dress and carry a purse.
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was the 1940's.  You should wear an apron and get back into the kitchen.  Bye!  [Walk away.]

Well, are you a girl?
Sorry, are you questioning my gender because you want to mask your embarrassment at my being prettier than you?  Huh.  [And then shake your head in a slightly puzzled way, and continue doing what you were doing before she so rudely interrupted you with such an asinine question.]

Anyway, for some real advice on stuff you could actually say without getting fired.. whenever she makes some inappropriate gender comment, just sort of nod vaguely and distractedly and say "h'mm.. okay.. well I'm trying to work right now, was there something important you wanted to tell me?" all in a very sincere voice and a smile.  She'll feel put-off, but won't be able to do a damn thing about it.