I don't understand why you are still married to her. You just said yourself, that you want to be married to a man. Doesn't that make getting a divorce obvious? What do either of you gain by staying in a loveless marriage? You guys sound like friends, not lovers now. Why not divorce, and allow her to find some love of her own, while staying friends? Or is your relationship an open one? The way you explained her reaction, it doesn't sound like she's into it being an open relationship.
I don't know. It feels selfish to me. And it sounds like you are experiencing guilt over it, so you must feel on some level that it is wrong. I don't agree with marriage on a lot of levels, but if you are married, it is a commitment that you've made, and if you are unwilling, or unable to fullfill that commitment, you should not be married.
I also feel like justifying your cheating with your trans-status is wrong. Just because you are transgender does not give you the right to cheat all of a sudden. Go to the significant others section on this forum, and read the other side of your equation. You owe it to your wife to move on, and you owe it to yourself as well. Nothing good can come from this.
I also think you are blaming her for how long it took you to figure out your gender status, as if she was forcing you to be a man all of this time, and now you want to make her pay. The way you talk about trying to destroy your feelings, in conjuction with your wife--there's a lot of guilt there, as well as a lot of blame. Marriage counseling, if you're not already in it, would not be a terrible idea. If only so you can have a more smooth transition into divorce. Otherwise it will get ugly, from the sounds of it.
