Well..............
It's an old boyfriend, but I need to get out! lol

We may be going out tonight, but I'm not sure he's a keeper.

He's a hard person to read, meaning he suffers from "Apathy" (Lack of emotion).
It's very difficult to carry on a conversation with him (Which is why I left after four years) his personality is a bit dry.
I wish just once he would show some sort of love with a simple gesture as a flower.
But anyways, I've changed and found myself quite a bit since I last saw him, so maybe I can bring some new charisma to the date! lol

Good luck!

ah, you girls always say you want romance, then run when we try to give it to you. 

anyway good luck!

Wait.  You went out on a date and you're married, and you don't understand why your wife is mean to you about it?  And you've been seeing people during your marriage since the 90s?  Why are you still married?  Does she see other people now too?

I don't understand marriage at all!

Yeah, I mean I'm glad it went well, but sounds like you need to sort out things with your wife a bit.  Just because you now know you're a girl and want to date guys doesn't magically free you from the commitment you made to her.  Praying for her to find peace with it is a terrible plan.  It's not like you've decided to join a monastery... you're cheating on her.

At least, this is what I've gathered from what you've presented.

I don't understand why you are still married to her.  You just said yourself, that you want to be married to a man.  Doesn't that make getting a divorce obvious?  What do either of you gain by staying in a loveless marriage?  You guys sound like friends, not lovers now.  Why not divorce, and allow her to find some love of her own, while staying friends?  Or is your relationship an open one?  The way you explained her reaction, it doesn't sound like she's into it being an open relationship.

I don't know.  It feels selfish to me.  And it sounds like you are experiencing guilt over it, so you must feel on some level that it is wrong.  I don't agree with marriage on a lot of levels, but if you are married, it is a commitment that you've made, and if you are unwilling, or unable to fullfill that commitment, you should not be married.

I also feel like justifying your cheating with your trans-status is wrong.  Just because you are transgender does not give you the right to cheat all of a sudden.  Go to the significant others section on this forum, and read the other side of your equation.  You owe it to your wife to move on, and you owe it to yourself as well.  Nothing good can come from this.

I also think you are blaming her for how long it took you to figure out your gender status, as if she was forcing you to be a man all of this time, and now you want to make her pay.  The way you talk about trying to destroy your feelings, in conjuction with your wife--there's a lot of guilt there, as well as a lot of blame.  Marriage counseling, if you're not already in it, would not be a terrible idea. If only so you can have a more smooth transition into divorce.  Otherwise it will get ugly, from the sounds of it.

Did you realize that you refer to your daughter as "the daughter"?

And as far as ticking off all of those faults you find with your daughter and wife, who are you trying to convince?  y'know?  It sounds like you're just trying to find reasons to justify your feelings, when it's not needed.  You don't need a reason to not be in love.  That's just how it is.  The relationship doesn't work, and from how you describe it, the current status is a harm to both you and your wife, and possibly even your daughter.

Are you currently in any kind of counseling or therapy?

What does this man you are spending time with think about you still being married?  Does he not want more commitment from you? If he doesn't, shouldn't he?