How does sex sound?: Same to Straight or Vise Versa

[kisschittybangbang]

Wow. So my partner is an FTM in the early stages of the transition.... VERY early as you may already know and for a while, since before ze actually came out to me brought up the idea of an extension....

Now, here's the thing, I've been EXTREMELY anti-sex-toy in our sex life. In the very beginning of our relationship ze was too, but the more recent... "would you mind? I'm curious..." caught me off guard, to say the least. Straight sex never really appealed to me either and its all a VERY big wave of WOOSH! (obviously this subject leaves me kind of speech-stupid) If anything was a tip-off, THAT WAS IT.

Now since ze came out to me, I made the connection as to why, but it doesn't leave me anymore confident about this endeavor, but I am willing to try... I have also tried to put zir into more masculine situations during sex 1) so I can get used to it and 2) for zir to be more comfortable. I dont want zir to be so self-conscious, you know?

What's sex been like for others? I don't need gory details and hopefully I haven't been too detailed myself, but I'm just wondering. I mean it has to effect it, but how much does it and how do others feel about it? What goes through your mind? AND does/did anyone catch themselves not knowing which name to use?

[Starr]

My situation is the opposite of yours. I was always straight and now find that I'm a lesbian. I was married for 17 years, and my husband was the only other person I've been with. My situation there was unusual for reasons that I never told anyone about until a year ago. Basically, my husband and I had sex less than 10 times in 22 years. The problem was on his end, so to speak. In other words, I really don't know what straight sex is like. For me, the switch has been amazing.  'nuf said.

I think the most important thing in your situation is for you both to be comfortable with whatever it is you do. Talking things over is key. It sounds like you're doing that. Now for a very personal  question that you don't have to answer except to yourself: Is it that you don't like using toys in general (like even when alone) or just that you don't like using them with a partner? If it's the first, maybe you could try them out without zir to get used to the idea. If you still don't like them, the two of you will have to work out some sort of compromise. Neither of you should do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

As for using the wrong name, that's never been a problem for me. I barely remember that I ever thought of her by any other name. This is still new for you. Try to use zir new name often in general conversation and you'll start to get more used to it.

It seems like you're being as supportive as you possibly can, and I'm sure ze appreciates it. It's a big change for both of you, but if you work together, you'll figure it out over time.

[Hypatia]

brought up the idea of an extension....

Now, here's the thing, I've been EXTREMELY anti-sex-toy in our sex life. In the very beginning of our relationship ze was too, but the more recent... "would you mind? I'm curious..." caught me off guard, to say the least.

(Embedding this video is disabled, so please click this link:)



This young woman gives an eloquent account of why using a strap-on in her girlfriend is not an imitation of heterosexual sex.

[tekla]

You don't have sex with groups of people (unless your really kinky, in which case I want to talk to you) but with one at a time, and every person is different.  There is no 'gay' sex, or 'straight' sex, there is only good, bad or indifferent, and rarely, awesome sex.  It depends on the two people doing it, not their gender.

[Windrider]

There is no 'gay' sex, or 'straight' sex, there is only good, bad or indifferent, and rarely, awesome sex.  It depends on the two people doing it, not their gender.

I am going to absolutely second this.

As someone who recently saw through the BS that sex toys are bad/evil/unnatural/whatever, I can definitely say that whoever stated this lied. Toys are a wonderful way to enhance your sex life. It can take some time to find which ones (and materials) you like, but once you find what works for you, toys can enhance intimacy.

I asked Danielle the reverse question: would a strap-on make her feel awkward? She says no, because it's not 'real'. And if she's comfortable, then I'm not going to argue I've not found a toy yet that feels like the real thing; there are a lot that feel good to me, but I'll never mistake them for Dani's "factory equipment" ;P

Am I going to be sad that Danielle will eventually have SRS and lose that equipment? Not really. Sex and intimacy are more than just equipment.

WR

[kisschittybangbang]

@Hypatia: Well it's not that I am all anti-strapon... I've actually agreed to it. I'm open to new things. lol. Just hesitant, you know?

@Kiera : I have no issues with ze wanting to be "he." I've actually dated guys before (ze is my first trans experience lol^^ and hopefully we will be together for a long time.) and had no real issues I guess,

@tekla: Sorry, group sex will never be my thing. ^^; kind of a one person person, you know?

@Starr : Yeah... Its just, Ze isn't out to many people (but I think people are catching on...) and ze asked me NOT to use zir real name in public, just when we are alone and I didn't know if that applied to sex. lol. Its very confusing. I'm not allowed to call zir a "he" in public, but ze flinches whenever ze is referred to as "she." I hate that ze is going through all that.


but yeah.... ze is the first person I've ever been intimate with so sex overall is new to me and its been nothing if not passionate, and we've been branching and trying new things and I was fine but I just felt that toys would be impersonal...and the Trying the more masc/fem switch up is weird for me because I'VE been relatively dominate so its just new and missionary is kind of a whoa, but I want zir to be comfortable with sex again, we went through a very... put off period for a while there on ZIR end, not mine. XD but it's not like I have a problem with it. The connection is still there and I just want zir to be comfortable in zir own skin...especially in that area.

and I suppose "same/straight sex" is bad wording same/straight sex styles is probably more appropriate.