Friends of Friends?

[Icephoenyx]

I have a bit of a sad situation....one of my closest friends who is very supportive is, unfortunately, also friends with other people who I probably should not associate with. In fact, her two best friends, other than me, are quite Christian and can be quite rigid when it comes to morals, etc, and are actually known for being quite blunt about their own beliefs without regard for anyone else.

So, whenever I want to be with my good friend, usually the other two are there, and so as nice as it is to be in a group of friends, its not good to have a few downers in the group. I mean, when we all hang out, we are civil with each other, but often you can cut the tension with a knife.

So how can I continue to be close with my friend if she chooses to be close with people I should probably be avoiding. I can't blame her, since she has been friends with these other two since they were young kids, but I don't see us being able to compromise on something.....

Chrissi

[krptcmschfmkr128]

Does she know you're not comfortable with them? Perhaps asking her if you two could hang out when it's "just" you two? Or at least without those people? If she's a good friend, she'd understand and be OK with it.

[Starr]

Has your friend told you whether the others have a problem with you? Maybe the tension you sense isn't about your being trans but about them not knowing you very well? How do you interact with them? By that I mean, for example, that I am incredibly quiet in groups, even when I know everyone. I'm sure people I don't know very well don't know what to make of me.

If the other two don't break plans they have with your friend, it seems like they don't mind your being there. If they really had issues with you, I think they would probably cancel any outing where they knew you would be. I have two close friends besides Hypatia. One has explicitly said she doesn't want to hang around the two of us. The other friend has explicitly said she would be perfectly fine hanging out with us. They are both okay with her being trans; the one just has other issues with her.

Another thing about girls is that they get territorial about their best friends. That could be another part of the equation.

Definitely talk to your friend about it. See if she has noticed anything and explain that you'd like to be with just her more often.

[SarahFaceDoom]

Christian can mean a lot of things, and close-minded bigot is just one of them.  So these girls might not have a problem with your transness.  They may have other issues though if they don't know you that well.

My basic thing is that if you give me enough time with anyone. I can probably find common ground and make them like me.  Just allow yourself to open up.  If they have any shred of humanity in them, they'll be fine and probably get along with you great.

[imaz]

Wouldn't worry about it too much, as Sarah rightly says above one can usually find common ground with most people.

There are bigots in all religions, personally, if they aren't dangerous I'll take them on and ask them to justify their bigotry.

[sneakersjay]

Being trans isn't immoral...but you knew that.  Who knows why God made us this way; maybe your putting a human face on trans-people with bring them around?


Jay

[Icephoenyx]

I just don't really have anything in common with them, especially the one I can't stand, but they are all attached at the hip.

I know they *can* potentially be biggots because they are uncomfortable around gay people and always talk about their faith.

I like being in groups, and I don't really want to have to give up being around people because of a select few that sometimes hang out with us. I mean, no one else seems to mind these people, but then again, no one else belongs to the GLBT community except me in that group.

I guess I can talk to my the one good friend and the others about my concerns, but I don't want to cause drama.

Chrissi

[imaz]

I am not religious persay, but I do strongly believe in my own spirituality and a high power, but organised conventional religions.......EKKKKKK

I don't want to get into the usual, stereotypical religious debates but,

For people who preach love, why are they always filled with such hatred ?.

It makes the mind boggle.

Why? Same as politicians, the scum rises to the top...

[Genevieve Swann]

For me some very religious persons have questionable moral values. As mentioned, ther is nothing immoral about being trans. I have noticed some people who profess high moral  values are the top predators when it comes to money or business matters.

[Starr]

I know they *can* potentially be biggots because they are uncomfortable around gay people and always talk about their faith.

Assuming they know your history, does it seem like they're making it a point to say these things in your presence or do they only mention being uncomfortable when they seen a gay person? Maybe the tension between you and them isn't about your being trans but just because you don't have anything in common with them.

If the three of them have such a long history together, it kind of follows that they could make you feel like an outsider. Not that they should, of course, but girls can be like that at a certain age. As I said above, girls can be territorial of their friends. (Thankfully, most outgrow it.)

I hate that perception among Christians that being trans is immoral. I had two of my Christian friends tell me the "God doesn't make mistakes" line when Hypatia came out. One actually said she felt sorry for me for having to be friends with someone like that. 

If you don't want to say anything to your friend and you still want to hang in a group, I guess all you can do is try to tolerate it as best you can.

Edit: I just went back and read that you haven't transitioned yet. So these girls know you as a guy only? If so, that's the problem with those two girls. A group of girls with such a long history of friendship is unlikely to accept a "guy" into their midst.

[SarahFaceDoom]

Oh wow.  So the other two don't actually KNOW you're trans.  They just see you as a guy?  Well that's what's going on right there more than likely.

[Icephoenyx]

No, they don't know I'm trans, but my good friend does. I have told her to keep her mouth shut in front of them, but it will eventually leak out.

They DO however, know that I am feminine, am attracted to men, wear makeup, etc.

I am going to tell my friend that I no longer want to associate with those two whatsoever, they just make me miserable. Sounds good??

Chrissi