Hi im new

[Olivia]

Hi I'm new to the transgender community. I have been doing some reading lately and now that I'm getting older I feel there is no need to quell what I feel in side. I grieve that this is not just a phase. However with the research I have compiled it seems very likely I am a mtf. Right now at this hectic point in my life I am utterly terrified that my parents will find out what I truly am prematurely. I don't really know what their reaction will be. They are kind of wacky in the sense my mom voted republican but voted against prop 8 while my dad (somewhat of a Regan demarcate) voted for obama and voted for prop 8. So this puts it in the air on how that would treat me if I came out. At the monument I'm paranoid as all hell that they will kick down the door and see what I am doing or look on my computer. Although I'm very good with computers and cover my tracks nicely my mother who worked for JPL for a few years might be able to crack my computer. Anyways my main concerned is if going through with this is the right thing for me. I felt like I was a girl since I was 3. But on the other hand I think it might be unconscious reaction to the fact that I don't really have any friends or never had a girlfriend. In fact my only real social contact is in a game called world of warcraft. It's not like I have purposely isolated myself form the world but  that's how I ended up.I have tried to make friends but I fall short. It may stem from the fact that I'm a very nerdy person who likes computers, politics, history, and space. I really tried to be a normal guy and tried to make my dad happy by keeping up with sports joining a basketball team. Needless to say I got to the point where I would rather listen to Ann coulter or set myself on fire then watch espn and my basketball ended up with me scoring 2 points in 16 games. It was the first time I put my heart in to something and failed. After that I went to high school and never really fit in. I spend most of my lunch time doing Sudoku because I had no friends to talk to. Now as I type this short post I concluded that I am one messed up kid. All I really want is advice to remedy the situation

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Olivia,   

Welcome to our little family. Over 1900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another sister.   

You are in the right place to learn and get answers.  You should look into a gender therapist.  And that means you may need to talk the the parental units.

Janet

[Cindy]

Hi Olivia,

No your not one messed up kid. You're alone frightened and discovering yourself. Do you sisters or brothers in the family, you can talk to? I think one of the first fears we go through is discovery. Discovering ourselves and the horror of realising the terrible thing that has been inflicted on us. Then the fear of discovery by others, particularly family. Some how you need to accept yourself, a journey in itself. Once you can accept you, what do you need to get others to accept you? Do you have a family doctor you can talk to? I'm in Australia so I don't know the USA system but are you in collage, do they have counsellers? Or if at school the same thing.


You are no longer alone, we are here for you.

Love and be brave

Cindy James

[imaz]

Hi Olivia, welcome and I hope you make many friends and enjoy your time here.

You remind me of myself at school years ago apart from the computer stuff. As regards your mum's cracking ability (!), why don't you either boot off one of those small self powered external HD's or if you are on Apple use "File Vault". She'll need some industrial grade ability to get past that!

I'm sure once you get to college and beyond things will get easier, less pressure to conform and probably more people like yourself. At your age I had few friends and no girlfriends but made up for it later in life and have even been married three times and still am

Your life will change, there are many smart and good people here who will support you whatever direction you decide to take.

Take care, (((Big Hug))),

-imaz-

[K8]

Welcome Olivia.

It's normal to be paranoid.  You have this big secret and don't know how to deal with it.  But unless your mom is real snoopy she probably won't find your tracks.  Before you talk to your parents, you first need to come to terms with what you are and what you want to do about it.  To do that, it would help you to talk to someone, preferably someone trained to get to the center of things.  My counsellor is very good at ignoring half of what I say and zeroing in on what matters.  If you can find someone like that, you will be way ahead of the game.  Just being 18 is hard enough without gender issues.  Hang in there.  Things do get better!

- Kate