Coming Out as Homosexual

[Parker]

Hey, I'm a junior in high school who's a little confused about being transgender. I'd like to be a girl if I could, but I'm not sure I want it bad enough to warrant the expenses, social alienation, and needing hormones for the rest of my life. (Which is important should a decreasing fossil fuel supply destroy the economy.)

Anyway, I'm pretty depressed right now, and I'm thinking about coming out as homosexual, but I'm not sure if it's the right move to make. Can this transgender deal be done in steps, or should I just come out with it all at once?

The main pro of coming out would be I would have an excuse to act more effeminate, plus I might be able to hook up with a guy.

The cons, however, are that since I live in a pretty small town (not quite the boonies), I'm not sure if I'll actually be able to find a guy. Plus, there's all the hate that goes along with it. Normally I think I'd be able to take it in stride, but since I don't identify 100% with being gay my confidence level won't be all that high. Also very important, coming out as gay once and then later coming out as transgender would give my family an extra hurdle to jump over. (Although I'm pretty sure they'd be understanding.)

My sexuality is still a little confusing. I really don't have too much interest in sex, but I do find some boys sexually attractive. Still, I constantly find myself staring at girls... Anyway, to me, coming out would be more of an opportunity to hang out with girls, chat about guys, giggle... etc.

Oh, and if it helps with the psychoanalysis, when I jerk off it's almost always to girls... I'm not sure whether that's because it's mostly guys' personalities I'm attracted to, or if it's some sort of fetishism(for lack of a better word), or if I'm still sort of in denial, or the feminine part of me isn't into masturbating, or whether I'm just into the feminine aspects of homosexuality.

Compounding this confusion, I have obsessive compulsive disorder, and I can't be completely sure my yearnings for femininity aren't being fueled by it. So basically my situation is kind of screwed up and should probably be analyzed by someone knowledgeable in transsexualism, OCD, and Peak Oil but whatev.

It's an odd feeling I have right now. It's like I could almost be comfortable living as a guy, but I'm so depressed I'm not sure what to do.

Anyway, what are your guys' opinions to coming out to my friends and family?

[Cindy]

Hi
You're having to face many decisions; you sound quite young, and that's not a put down. It's more of a comment to be flexible. There is absolutely no wrong in being gay, and if you are an effeminate gay, so what?
Transgendered people do not accept their birth sex. Again it can vary in intensity, and with age, according to how much birth hormone is dominant, I think particularly in MtF.  Some birth males ( and females but it's not such a problem for birth females) like to dress in clothes that are normally worn by the opposite sex. They enjoy by themselves our with a partner(s). The partner may be of either sex. Some gays cross dress also for fun and enjoyment with no intention in being anything but their birth sex.
It can take time to go through this minefield of emotions and opinions. Possibly a place to start is to think, as a birth male, do I want my penis and balls removed? Either or; some TG's just have their balls off. Sorry if that sounds crude it was meant to be.  Think about it.

MtF generally jump at the chance  to get corrective surgery and hormone treatment with or without feminising plastic surgery and their ability to do this is a massive problem.

I would think that gay males would not want that option.

Also remember that once gone there is no way to grow them back, not that I would want to.
This is way you deal with a therapist who is a psychologist etc: depending on the country you are in.

My suggestion and that is all it is, is to read the post here. Talk to a counsellor from the gay movement, or from school/collage etc and get informed. It takes time. Also remember if you are having either oral or anal sex condoms are essential. HIV makes any decision about the future pretty futile.

Love and best wishes

Cindy James 

[Jaimey]

hm.  Tough question.  As far as dealing with people, if you are comfortable with who you are, people will be more comfortable with you.  I grew up in a small town, so I understand where you're coming from.  I wouldn't come out as gay if I wasn't gay or wasn't sure about it.  You could always say you're bi...because it does sound like you like girls too.  Or pansexual.  That's a nice term too...it just means you like everybody. 

If you really feel the need to come out, then by all means, I think you should, even if it's only to a couple of people you're really close to.  But honestly, I would just recommend that you be yourself.  If you're effeminate, that's okay.  You don't need an excuse to be who you are.    As long as you're comfortable with yourself, other people will be comfortable around you.  And if you do come out, make sure you don't shove it in people's faces...I think that's where a lot of people start to feel threatened and lash out.  But if someone says, "are you gay?" or "are you transgendered?" or whatever, if you just answer honestly like it's no big deal, I think you'll be all right as far as hate goes.  Just make it out to be as being as big a deal as buying a carton of milk. 

[imaz]

Hi and welcome.

Just my personal opinion but I don't believe it's necessary to be Gay or Straight, Transgendered or not.

Just take what ever comes along and enjoy yourself with that situation or person. It's a blessing not to be tied down if one can live with it. We are all a bit of Gay and a bit of Straight, a bit of male and a bit of female, there is no correct way to be whatever some people may lead one to believe.

Take care.