New Corrupt-A-Wish

[Osiris]

Granted, but you rot before your hunny can take a bite so you just get tossed away.

I wish I had a motorcycle.

[Janet_Girl]

Granted, but it comes in a box and says some assembly required.  Instructions are extra. 

I wish for world peace.

Janet

[Dante]

Granted, world peace is achieved for one second. After that, the world goes to hell.

I wish I could read minds. 

[Osiris]

Granted, but everyone knows you can so they lock you away in isolation.

I wish I felt like myself.

[Dante]

^^^Hey, I can still read minds, right?  People pretty much do that anyway.

Granted, you feel like yourself, but you aren't you anymore, you're a 50 year old woman.

I wish I was old enough to transition.

[Constance]

I wish I was old enough to transition.

Granted, but you drop dead the very next day.

I wish I was debt-free.

[Dante]

Granted, your debts have been paid... with your life! 

I wish the world was square! 

[Constance]

I wish the world was square! 

Granted; you are now the supreme poobah of the Flat Earth Society.

I wish I had no hair.

[Dante]

Granted, you have no hair. But spiders are attracted to your shiny dome.... a LOT! (Picturing head covered in spiders)

I wish I had a video camera.

[glendagladwitch]

Granted, you get the video camera in a settlement of a lawsuit when you sue the estate of the person that died in the automibile accident that blinded you.

I wish I were never born.

[Osiris]

Granted, you were laid hatched from an egg.

I wish I could go to sleep.

[JakeGrimm]

Granted, but it's filled with horrifying nightmares.

I wish I ruled the world.

[Constance]

I wish I ruled the world.

Granted, but "the world" ends up being Pluto.

I wish I had an electric guitar.

[Dante]

Granted, but you trip and break it before you even play one note. Poor guitar.. it never had a purpose in life... 

I wish I had money.

[JakeGrimm]

Pluto rocks!

Granted, but it's monopoly money ^.^

I wish I had better ringtones.

[Osiris]

Granted, but your phone doesn't support them so they're never used.

I wish this painting was coming out better than it is.

[Dante]

Granted, it comes out perfect, like Micheal Angelo had painted it, but then a robber steals it out of your hands and sells it on ebay for 1 million.

I wish math wasn't a required school subject.

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted, but it's replaced with MANDATORY sessions of nose-picking.

I wish the book I'm writing will be published and an instant success.

[glendagladwitch]

Granted.  It is stolen and published on the Internet without your permission, where it becomes a classic for being so bad it's good.  Then it is discovered that you pladgarized it from a 7 year old.  You never see a dime, and people point and laugh at you as you walk the walk of shame through the prison that is now your home.  As punishment, the warden forces all prisoners to read only your book.

I wish that people could change gender at will.

[fae_reborn]

Granted, people are able to change gender at will, but it's so confusing for the cis-gendered people that they start a riot and society crumbles.

I wish I wasn't tired all the time