Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?

[Emerald]

One interesting thing to me is that ,yes it is a common link between crossdresser's to have tried on articles of clothing at an early age.But was there something within us before we even got to the actual trying on of pantyhose,or panties,etc... Did we have a desire to connect with the feminine?.And another question is that what if at an early age these articles of clothing were simple non-available,and we had absolutly no access to them,would we still have followed the same path?And how many children have also tried on there mothers clothes in private a few times but just abandoned it over time and had no feeling about it.I feel that it somehow got burned into my brain,and now i know that it is part of me.For better or worse.

Hi Barbara 

Cross-dressers may begin wearing their opposite sex's clothing as children, using the clothes of a sibling, parent, or friend. Some parents have said they allowed their children to cross-dress and, in many cases, the child stopped when they became older.

Classic psychoanalytic views of cross-dressing emphasized the role of taboo in the behaviour. Only items that were proscribed to a gender would be appropriated, and therefore it is not the general association of an item with one sex or the other but the prohibitions against the item that give satisfaction to those with a fetish attachment to cross-dressing. According to this theory, as articles become acceptable for ordinary wear they will cease to be sought by cross-dressers.

In other words, playing 'dress up' in the clothing traditionally worn by the opposite sex is a natural, normal, imaginative activity for children of either sex, a behaviour most children outgrow before they reach puberty.

Because it was specifically forbidden, crossdressing may became a desirable activity for the child, a way to be harmlessly 'naughty'. Punishing the child for crossdressing may serve to make dressing in the clothing of the opposite sex even more 'forbidden' and thus all the more desirable. Crossdressing coupled with erotic pleasure may create an even stronger desire to crossdress... an habitual behaviour which can last a lifetime even if the connection between sexual pleasure and crossdressing is lost over time. For many, crossdressing is a way to feel relaxed and comforted, offering a temporary shedding of responsibilities and obligations as a member of the male sex.

In no way is this the only reason or answer to the question of why people crossdress. The human mind is a mysterious thing to behold, but perhaps this will give you some insight to your own reasons for crossdressing.

-Emerald 

[KitKatKathy]

I am little by little, trying to learn and understand why a man would want to dress like a woman. It's kind of a pain in neck isn't it? I guess the drive must be so strong that you must satisfy it.

I don't understand why I do this either.  There are all kinds of theories, none of which I find completely satisfactory.  Even if we could understand why we do it, that would not change the fact that this is a drive that cannot be denied.  It is sometimes a pain in the neck, but it is also wonderful fun as well.

This is a good question one I can't fully answer either. Does it excite me? Yes. Does it turn me on? Yes. Do I feel different? Yes ...

I have a confidant that put it this way to me, "You are a painter, but instead of creating art on canvas, you are creating art on your self, your soul". I love this analogy. When doing my makeup or looking at clothes or practicing moving/talking, part of me goes into dreamland and I'm looking back at a person I never realized existed before.



Kelly

[Jenifer J]

This is probably a little off of the topic but, growing up in the 50's I remember having a 'flat top' hair cut, used a little Butch Wax to keep the front up. Played football and baseball and usually came out of the locker room with wet hair and no deodorant. If you broke a nail during the game, too bad, put a Band Aid on it. Wore Jeans (501s), a plain white t-shirt under a Pendleton usually with low cut Converse tennis shoes. Special occasions called for Wing Tips and black socks. You only had the choice of two types of underwear (Boxers or Briefs). At the sock hop all the guys hung out in a group and had Jade East on to the extent the smell was overwhelming.

Now a guy can wear Cargo pants or even Capri's, Tank tops, form fitting shirts, a litany of pants, jeans and slacks (thankfully Bell Bottoms died in the 70's). Have long hair and go to a hair salon for any number of hair styles. Not to mention all the hair products and other beauty care products available. Blow dry your hair, dye your hair if it is too gray or even get plugs if you are losing it. Have a manicure, a pedicure or even a facial. Have a choice of hundreds of styles of shoes, wear socks or don't, flip flops are acceptable almost everywhere and colorful shorts ranging from long to short and I don't even want to list all he underwear options out there. I am sure I could go on and list hundreds of other little nuances that have become accepted. But my point is that while women can crossdress seamlessly and without repercussions, a man had better not put on a dress.

I suggest that in a subtle way inroads are being made and things that were certainly unacceptable 30-40 years ago are now pretty much the norm. We see more and more uni-sex or uni-gender clothes and we are acting if not dressing a little more like women all the time and we like it.

Jen

[Teresa]

Hi Emerald,

There is also a stigma associated with cross dressing, that cannot be ignored.

Men dressing in Female clothing is sociably more unacceptable than Women dressing in mens clothing?

Girls for instance growing up are considered "tom boys" if they have short hair, wear trousers and dress "boyishly"... But boys are not afforded this luxury, even my nurses outfit was banned!

I also think that it is still considered by many to be "perverted" that men should dress in womens clothes and is still associated in many cases with sexual acts such as masturbation. I am not really sure what sexual thrill women would get out of cross dressing?

Becky

Most women who wear men's clothes do not do so to pass as men.  It's not the same as cross dressing that men do.  Most CD's cross dress to create an image on femininity and to look like a woman. 

Teresa

[BlondeVeronica]

I have been in the closet for years, 29 to be exact.  I have always feared my family and friends reaction to me saying that I love the feel of women's panties, and thigh high stalkings.  That changed recently.  I got married less than two years ago and have worked my way up to actually coming out to my wife.  I first chose boxer briefs (not much of a transition).  Next it was onto Manties (man panties).  My wife loved it when I wore those.  Then everything changed last week.  My sister said she thought I should dress up as George Washington and wear makeup and a wig.  I looked at her and said, "Why don't I just dress up like Marilyn Monroe."  My mother-in-law said, "I'd love to see that!"  (Being the closet cross-dresser) That night, I talked to my wife and said I would love to dress like that.  She loved the idea.  Then the following weekend, I let her have it with both barrels.  I told her about my liking to dress up for more than Halloween and at first she was a little shocked, but has since said she'd support me, as long as I give her a child and don't want to be a woman permanently.  I agreed and now, I have clothing and a wig on the way.

I am looking for a place to talk about how to do things correctly and to enjoy myself in an understanding community. 

[Elwood]

So... let's get this straight.

I'm a transmale and I present as male. If I was a cross dresser, I'd present as female, right? 

[tinkerbell]

So... let's get this straight.

I'm a transmale and I present as male. If I was a cross dresser, I'd present as female, right? 

Indeed! The difference lies in the fact that your gender identity is male.  The same could be said about a transsexual girl whose gender is female and wears the attire of her gender identification.  That is not cross-dressing in any way!

tink

[Barbara]

All i know is that when i dress i go through mental changes also.I do not feel like a guy wearing womens clothes.I feel like a women.When women talk to me they are talking women to women.They have told me things that i will remember for the rest of my life.They are the ones who made me strong.That this is really a gift.It is not something to hide or be ashamed of.They told me i looked beautiful,i tested it out by going to a bar,as soon as i walked in a guy hit on me.I have to be honest and say i liked it.As a man i do not persue gay men.but that night while dressed i knew i wanted it.And it made me feel wonderful.

[anouk]

In a Finnish tg site there is a lively conversation about the same issue. ...Or actually, if crossdressing is a disease, as it is regarded in international disease classification. In Finland we have a word "crossdressing", but it is rarely used and regarded as a synonyme to a word transvestite.

These are few main points from that discussion:


Transvestism is not a sheer choice of way of living: You cannot choose it, although in some cases you may choose, whether you express it in closet, just in mind, 24/7 in real life....

It is not a hobby either: You can not change it to another. 

It is not a disease: Most crossdressers would live and do marvelously, if the enviroment would allowe them to be what they want to be. On the other hand the contradiction between their needs and the enviroment induces a lot of mental pressure that may cause mental problems as well.

Then what is crossdressing? It is a inner combination of different feelings, needs and excperiences of gender indentity, for example:

- need to feel the identity of opposite gender every now and then

- need to express the external things concerning the opposite gender

- contradictional feelings about the own gender role and/or idnetity, but still being able to handle the life in it. 

- feeling sexual excitement concerning either inner or outer issues of opposite gender.


Different persons have these features in different coctails, and some may not have some of these at all. On the other hand the degrees of these features can change quite radically during a persons life. So it is very hard (or even pointless) to try to segregate any subgroups, for example by saying: "I'm a real crossdresser  without any fetishist needs, you are just a panty-fetishist...."

[o2bXX]

I have viewed numerous posts on this forum and am amazed that we as posters seem to fall into the same old patriarchal, societal and cultural traps we are presumably trying to break free from. Categorizing, classifying, labeling, compartmentalizing ourselves by the old names given years ago by old male psychiatrists. To me, we just perpetuate their abnormal viewpoint.
I realize that some people need to fit somewhere in order to identify. I understand that; however, labeling or categorizing me as this, that or whatever merely perpetuates the name calling I endured as a child and adolescent.

Apparently I displayed "girl" type behaviour between 2 and 4 e.g. crying lots and was called girl and a female name as punishment. At 4 I said I wanted to be like my older sister when I finally saw that she had different genitals. Up until then, I had no idea that she had a different body.
I continued crying lots, mostly because my sister and her friends wouldn't let me play with them (no boys allowed!) As "punishment" one day when I was 6, my mother forced dressed me in my sister's old dress in front of my sister and her friend. I had a mixture of terror an euphoria, in that order. I felt sexually aroused for the first time and was immediately stripped and beaten by my mother for being "filthy and dirty."
Needless to say that experience stayed with me; otherwise I wouldn't be on this site, right?  Half a century later I still have a need to be one of and play with the girls, something I have been doing more overtly recently with my wife and our mutual single female aquaintances. During the last 50 years I have not wanted so-called female clothes from stores, but only want to wear those belonging to a real female; usually my wife. In order to be human these days, I need to wear something, however minor under my "prison clothes." My wife has known of my needs since shortly after our marriage 30 years ago. Only recently, via sites like this, therapy and lots of reading have she and I reconciled what's going on.
I wish we similar minded people could get rid of old men's labels and categories for ourselves and just be the homo-sapiens we all are. I'll keep dreaming!

[tekla]

That sounds to me almost like some almost perfect prologue to crossdressing, most us just kind of found ourselves doing it, which was good enough.

[phyliscd]

i am a crossdresser and i have been one since i realized that i enjoy wearing girls clothing more than boys .a lot of people have asked how did you start and why you did it.i dont really know why and i tried all the different methods of trying to stop doing it .but as we all know there is no stopping and either you do something stupid or you accept the fact that you love being dressed as a woman and enjoying it .

[Jody]

I hope it's ok to post in this thread.  If not, then I appologize in advance.  When I saw the topic of this thread I had to read it.  I am a significant other and I am newly informed of my honey's needs/deisres.  I feel horrible for those of you with bad experiences with spouses/significant others.  Please, I ask that you keep something in mind.  You are very good at hiding what you feel in this area.  That is a sad necesity, and 9 times out of 10 we SOs really have no clue.  There is a huge range of emotions we feel when we first hear the news.  I, presonally, am still experiencing some of those.  As for the FTM dressing, I would suppose in the broadest sense that would be me, as well.  I despise pantyhose.  I think they're evil and only good for catching dryer lint.  I also prefer pants/jeans to skirts/dresses most of the time, though they are feminine looking in cut.  Labels are for medicine bottles.  People should be allowed to just be people.

Thank you for posting. I have struggled with many relationships as to when and how to tell. Each time the SO has run a gammit of feelings. Please try to avoid the comparisons his legs look better than mine. That dress looks better on him than me. You are just as and in reality physically more attractive to him than he will ever be to himself. Just my opinion. Your acceptance and willingness to walk through your feelings are the true test of beauty. I can not and will not speak for others but for myself I would prefer to be all male or all female. This need to be a female in a male body is as much fun as sticking needles under my fingernails.
I am trying to keep in mind that our great  Grandmothers and Grandmothers fought for years to wear trousers. I know that some women suffered terrible assaults just because they crossdressed.

[Vicky]

I know that I don't know what makes someone else a Cross Dresser, and half the time I don't know what makes me want to present as the gender that is opposite of what the Dr. said I was when I was born. 

What is usually described as Cross Dressing goes back to the days when Eve and Adam decided that one would wear a fig leaf, and the other one a pomegranate leaf. This of course was after the apple pie throwing incident. (Several religious books say that the supreme diety was rather put out by the whole thing.) My problem is that clothing is tied in to who you are going to choose to have sex with tonight or whenever.  For being as moralistic as we say we are, we sure have a lot of dirty minds in this world.

I have been in some groups where this question has lead to near physical violence, and several acts of outright character assassination did take place. The main bone of contention was which of the group more "purely" typified a Cross Dresser

I realize that I am at a different part of the CD landscape, because at the minute I don't feel a need to describe what I am wearing in detail. (Is that a requirement of being a CD?)  My own wardrobe is over 50% female clothing, and almost all of it worn and laundered a couple of times. With the after Christmas sales, it will become about 2% more female, since I still have a few $$$ to go before maxing out my VISA card.  Maybe wardrobe percentage should give us different ranks in the guild??  Another standard should be based on taste in age appropriate clothing and making sure our wigs are not dripping with engine oil or have battery acid holes in them. Thats not a CD, that is a disaster!!!  Ok, I'm showing off my own conceited self and making catty remarks about some people who consider themselves to be a CD but who give the term a BAD reputation.

To me, a CD is a person who thinks outside of their socially rigid gender assigment, and who allows themselves to be freed of gender stereotypes for however long or short a time they can do it.  The reasons can and hopefully are, so that we can expand and enjoy our experience as loving and caring human beings.  We go from obvious Guy In Dress (or less) to those who want to be socially accepted as their target gender.  We want to be accepted as worthwhile human beings who can accept a wide range of emotions without classifying any true emotion as gender specific. 

[gennee]

I have viewed numerous posts on this forum and am amazed that we as posters seem to fall into the same old patriarchal, societal and cultural traps we are presumably trying to break free from. Categorizing, classifying, labeling, compartmentalizing ourselves by the old names given years ago by old male psychiatrists. To me, we just perpetuate their abnormal viewpoint.
I realize that some people need to fit somewhere in order to identify. I understand that; however, labeling or categorizing me as this, that or whatever merely perpetuates the name calling I endured as a child and adolescent.

Apparently I displayed "girl" type behaviour between 2 and 4 e.g. crying lots and was called girl and a female name as punishment. At 4 I said I wanted to be like my older sister when I finally saw that she had different genitals. Up until then, I had no idea that she had a different body.
I continued crying lots, mostly because my sister and her friends wouldn't let me play with them (no boys allowed!) As "punishment" one day when I was 6, my mother forced dressed me in my sister's old dress in front of my sister and her friend. I had a mixture of terror an euphoria, in that order. I felt sexually aroused for the first time and was immediately stripped and beaten by my mother for being "filthy and dirty."
Needless to say that experience stayed with me; otherwise I wouldn't be on this site, right?  Half a century later I still have a need to be one of and play with the girls, something I have been doing more overtly recently with my wife and our mutual single female aquaintances. During the last 50 years I have not wanted so-called female clothes from stores, but only want to wear those belonging to a real female; usually my wife. In order to be human these days, I need to wear something, however minor under my "prison clothes." My wife has known of my needs since shortly after our marriage 30 years ago. Only recently, via sites like this, therapy and lots of reading have she and I reconciled what's going on.
I wish we similar minded people could get rid of old men's labels and categories for ourselves and just be the homo-sapiens we all are. I'll keep dreaming!

I always say that labels should never define who we are. I can see why people hate labels because often they are used to demean and belittle. I look at myself as just being me. I'm out in public quite a bit and enjoy being myself. My wife and son know and accept my dressing.

Gennee

[Genevieve Swann]

Is the 5% based on crossdressers who will admit to being CD? It's probably higher. Most men will not admit to others because it may destroy their machismo. I beleive crossdressing is merely wearing clothing of the opposite gender. I have an article that addresses women wearing mens attire. Amazingly in the 1950s some places in the  U.S. it was illegal for women to wear pants on sunday. Could actually be incarcerated. Probably it was OK on other days of the week so the could do they could do the chores while the "oldman" was at the saloon.    Kimpd999 mentioned blackmail in her comments and it remainded me of an old experience. In a the 80s I was working for a Navy contractor in Panama and I had a secret security clearance. My boss and a fellow working became aware I was crossdresser. There was concern that if a foreign agent found out I could be blackmailed in excange for sensitive information. At one point the Navy downgraded the clearances because of two officers who were spies(the Walker incident). Then I was confidential not secret. My job required a secret clearance. So sorry boys I can't work. They then reinvestigated me and gave a secret again. During the interview with a NCIS agent I admitted to being a crossdresser. It's not considered a security risk as long as I admit to it I cannot be blackmailed. "oh darn" I must stay "Out of the closet". Later,Genevieve

[DragonGirl]

For me and possible relationships at the time I dated a person enough and at the time we make a union I come out with bra and panties and then know whether the relationship would fly or crash. Since those early days, I'm married for 18 yrs. and told wife I wanted to expand my wardrobe and go out.... was not good. It is difficult for S.O.'s. Is he turning gay, will he leave me for a man, am I now supposed to be a lesbian? I understand the confusion. We discussed for the longest time and I finally pointed out she was always considered a TomBoy and disliked all mandated things female and dressed in jeans, work boots, not frillies and lace and really loves building things, heavy duty work tools and large trucks ( step up ) and no one flinches buuuuut if I go even a little fem it would get very tense. After considering my views she finally realized she was exhibiting the ideals she disliked most and now accepts my other half but does not want to be embarrassed by my going out totally female in our immediate local which is locally rural small town near by which is very redneck country.  For the life of her she can't understand why I would want to put myself through all those things time consuming to look and feel female and I told her I really enjoy that time and it makes me feel whole. She does little things that do make me really happy without even knowing it like telling me to back up a recording to show how a bra should fit or telling me you really do have cleavage. She doesn't have any idea how happy those little things make me and how much I love her. So I always tell how happy she made me even though she didn't even realize it. If a S.O. reads this I hope it will help you to understand and this isn't something thats fleeting but a need that must be addressed in order for me to feel complete. Still after 60 years I don't know which classification I belong under ( which doesn't bother me ). Love to All.

[Cindy]

Sorry for this
I get crossdressing when I get a run in my stockings.

Ooops

Cindy James.

[DragonGirl]

I understand the definitions but can not fit myself into just one category. I also get cross when I get a run so I have to bear that cross also and cross over to re dressing those pesky stockings. Hugs, DG

[Cindy]

Yes,  sorry I have this desire to inflict bad puns on the innocent