Question and Answer - What is a Crossdresser?

[Rebecca.R]

I have responded once before to this post and whilst my view hasn't changed, my experience has, therefore I hope you don't mind indulging me for a short time.

I had only ever dressed inside my home apart from the occaisional nervous dash to the letterbox to get the mail.  Oh there was a time I went for a makeover too, but that was inside somebodies home too.

Last night a situation occurred where I was able to go outside.  I got ready....yeah giggles.......two hours later.  The whole works, shaving , makeup, stockings,, heels, lingerie, nail polish, perfume etc..................  I got in my car and first challenge was to go to an ATM to get some money.  I chose an out of the way one, you know.. dark and secluded.  Hah....... it was out of order so then I had to go to the one in our suburban main street.  You kow the sort with bars and restaurants only 20 or 30 metres away.  I took a breath got out of my car and wiggle walked down the footpath like I owned the place and got my money. (My heart pounding the whole time) My hands were shaking while I was pressing the buttons on the ATM.  There was a woman who walked past me while I was there and cars were going past.  I got my money and wiggled back to my car.

I then drove 40 minutes into the city where I had challenged myself to go into a T girl frindly bar and get at least one drink.  After driving around the block five times I plucked up the courage to park and walk quite a distance to the club.  I was doing my best to walk like a girl and hoping desperately not to get beaten up for trying to dress like a girl.

I walked into the club which was really busy and crowded.  I saw a few other 'ladies' sitting at one of the tables so felt a little better.  I went to the bar and the barman said, "What would you like darling?" .... I thought that was so sweet, but in reality it said to me: you are accepted here any way you like and you are welcome.  I sat at a table and sipped on my 'non alcoholic' drink and just enjoyed the moment. 

I went home shortly after, but it was so exhilirating to be able to walk around our city completely dressed and you know what........................ the earth didn't stop or anything.

So to get back to the original idea of these posts, I still think that it is sad that we are so programmed that we feel guilt to wear these outfits. When you think about it, the heart pounding and the shaking hands is all a result of society and how we percieve social norms.  Overall though, I absolutely loved it, I was able to completely be myself out in the real world even if it was for a short time.  Once I was relaxed I completely became what I consider to be female.  I wonder now whether how I walk or act or talk as a male is now really just an act.

The mind boggles doesn't it?

[Susan Baum]

I, too, have spent hours reading this thread; maybe it should be "required" reading much as the site terms are.  I cannot go along with some of the generalizations expressed here but everyone has their own individual viewpoints and reasons for dressing as they do. 

I gave up questioning the "why" I like to dress in women's clothing years ago.  It was simple for me – I enjoy the female form in all its shapes and sizes; in my first pubescent experiments, I knew emulating this was a part of me that wouldn't disappear easily.  When I started to embrace it more earnestly in my early 20's, I found some rejection but also support and encouragement from my wife and eventually our daughter. 

Yes, I have had a few breaks but never any real purges and have been blessed with a closet full of share-able clothing.  I have to admit my latest return may have been (as Emerald so nicely put it at the beginning of this thread) "an antidote to anxiety or depression" following Chelle's illness and death but there is no question returning to my femme self has helped restore my inner peace and calm.

Susan

[tekla]

When you think about it, the heart pounding and the shaking hands is all a result of society and how we percieve social norms.

True that, stop worrying about society (which doesn't spend near the amount of time worrying about individuals as individuals do about society) and it all goes away.  For that to happen you have to face it yourself - as dylan said: To live outside the law, you must be honest.

[shazz]

What is a Crossdresser?

A Crossdresser is an individual who dresses in clothing characteristic of the other sex.

By that definition, every women or girl who dresses up in men's or boys clothes must be a cross dresser, yet when was the last time a woman or girl got arrested for it?

How many items of women's clothing were originally designed for men? Just of the top of my head I can I can think of these (no doubt someone will post a reply saying I don't know what I talking about):

Stockings were originally items of male clothing, the wives started to wear them under their dresses to keep their leg warm. As the fashion changed and these padded shorts thingies (can't remember the name), got longer the stockings got shorter, until men were left wearing trousers and socks, The women kept the stockings which evolved into tights or pantyhose.

Swimsuits, there was a time (back in the 1800's if not before), when men used to wear bathing suits (looked a bit like a tee-shirt and shorts combo) and the women wore swimming dresses (with weights sewn into the hem to stop them floating up), then the women started to wear them as well, now the women wear one-peace swimsuits and the men wear trunks and shorts.

Leotards (the bane of many a school girl), invented by a Frenchman Jules Léotard (The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze). His reason for inventing it "if you want to make yourself attractive to the opposite sex wear something that shows of your best asset". Ok I know you can get leotards for boys and men, but there the basic vest type in 6 basic plain colours (red, blue yellow, black, white & green) and your basic cotton/nylon material. Compare that to girls and women's leotards any colour you like, any pattern you like, any style you like, any material you like.

Shazz

[shazz]

Last night a situation occurred where I was able to go outside.

congratulations for your first time in public.

That's more then me, if I dress up it's usually at home and not as much as I would like, got my kid bro crashing on my sofa (he tends to give me looks if I dress up when he's here). Apart from my kid bro (who's only seen me wearing tights and leggings) there's only about 5 people who know I dress up and 4 of them are women. I've not been out as a woman as such the sci-fi group I'm a member of made a film years ago I spent most of that in a dress, they also had a party a year or two later to celebrate the 100th issue of their magazine (they announced it 2 months before, I missed the next meeting where they said it'll be fancy-dress, no star trek uniforms) I only heard about the fancy-dress part when I went around to see my Ex, she suggested going in drag and to read the editorial of the latest issue, I did the editor rambled on and on thanking the previous editors, recapped about the last 10 years as regards to sci-fi, hopes for the next 10 years and dropping big hints about going to the party in drag. So there I was black high-heel boots (bought from a charity shop), black fake leather mini (also from a charity shop), black velvet leotard (bought from a dancewear shop because my ex liked the feel of it on me), a bra (she bought) and a few pounds of bird seed (in balloons in the bra) and black tights, and loads of comments from the women at the party about how unfair it was that me (a man) can have better legs in them (women), they also accused my of committing the cardinal sin of looking better in a mini skirt then them(tee hee).

shazz

[KittyLondon273]

emerald:
yes evrytime i dress up at work for 1st time, next week the women up the ante. The complements are great!

KAte:
  yes, we discussed this awhile back about boxing and labeling .. i can see it could create a stratafied class system where those with full SRS are at the top and crossdressers at bottom ...i said could.
sheila18

I find some people who may be titled as "trans elitists" do feel this way, as you said about the cast system.  "Cross dressers are just men in dresses, and do not understand what transsexuals are going though and make transsexuals look bad, and post ops are real women and transsexuals who are not going to get their surgery or get on hormones are just confused boys, and transsexuals who plan to get the surgery are not women yet."  These views exist and they bother me, because there is nothing wrong with being a cross dresser a pre op ts, a post op ts, or a non op ts, or a genderqueer or cisgendered.  It is all just part of who you are.  But there is no obligation to be full time in the gender correlating with your opposite sex, and there is no reason why you have to get the surgery or get on hormones.  If you want to that is great if you are happy.

I just think that thinking in such a cast system divides us from our similarities and separates us so we are not standing together strong against prejudice and discrimination.

[brinabrock]

I don't think I am a woman inside.
I just happen to be, by accident of birth born male, and in many ways I am a "regular" guy, but gender expectation does box us in, and I do have sides to myself which are more associated with female expression and feelings.
Not denying there is a sexual aspect to my cross dressing, but I think it is more than that.
If I started taking female hormones would my urge to cross dress diminish, if the main motive is sexual?

[Dorothy]

I find some people who may be titled as "trans elitists" do feel this way, as you said about the cast system.  "Cross dressers are just men in dresses, and do not understand what transsexuals are going though and make transsexuals look bad, and post ops are real women and transsexuals who are not going to get their surgery or get on hormones are just confused boys, and transsexuals who plan to get the surgery are not women yet."  These views exist and they bother me, because there is nothing wrong with being a cross dresser a pre op ts, a post op ts, or a non op ts, or a genderqueer or cisgendered.  It is all just part of who you are.  But there is no obligation to be full time in the gender correlating with your opposite sex, and there is no reason why you have to get the surgery or get on hormones.  If you want to that is great if you are happy.

I just think that thinking in such a cast system divides us from our similarities and separates us so we are not standing together strong against prejudice and discrimination.

Well, I'm not a crossdresser nor a transvestite, and I don't want to be called that.  By the same token, crossdressers & transvestites aren't transsexual.  Crossdressers are men who like wearing the clothes of the opposite sex.  If there's a sexual motivation for the crossdressing, then that person is a transvestite, pure and simple.  There's no other way around it.  I don't support any notion that a crossdresser or transvestite is any form or version of TS.  Nobody "becomes" transsexual.  Transsexuals are born that way.

I'm sick and tired of crossdressers and transvestites telling the whole world that they are "transsexual", and how they "don't need GRS to be complete".  Well, guess what, when crossdressers and transvestites pretend they're transsexual and say that they "don't need GRS"  they jeopardise the well-being of transsexuals.  Why?  Because for transsexuals, GRS is an imperative, and in some instances a matter of life & death.   When full-time crossdressers & transvestites say that GRS is not necessary, governments and medical insurers will continue to deny transsexuals their right for GRS.

If some want to call that "elitism" fine.  but the truth is that I don't have any problems with people identifying as they want.  People can identify as a pot of coffee for all I care, but own your freaking narrative.  That's all I ask.  Have the balls to accept yourself for what you are & don't call yourself something you are not because you may be jeopardising the lives of other people by doing so.

[VeryGnawty]

"Cross dressers are just men in dresses, and do not understand what transsexuals are going though and make transsexuals look bad, and post ops are real women and transsexuals who are not going to get their surgery or get on hormones are just confused boys, and transsexuals who plan to get the surgery are not women yet."

These types of views also bother me.  It is not the crossdresser's fault that crossdressing causes society as a whole to want to fit transsexuals into a box.  Yes, I have real problems.  No, crossdressing will not solve those problems.  But I also don't blame crossdressers or drag queen's on my problems.  Some people want to present as the opposite gender some of the time, without hormones or surgery.  If that's what they need to do, I'm fine with that.

Even if crossdressers didn't exist, society would just find another excuse to deny transsexuals.  The problem is in judgmental people, not in other transgendered people who are different than I am.  For many crossdressers, their gender presentation is genuine.  I believe in taking someone for who they are.  If they want to be feminine for a day, I'll react to them accordingly.  If they are coming from a place that is genuine, I'll treat them with respect.

Even if someone dressess for sexual reasons, there's still nothing wrong with it.  If someone gets themselves off by pretending or imagining themselves to be feminine, good for them.  Personally I don't really care what people do with their spare time.  It's not their fault that some idiots with loud mouths proclaim that ALL transgendered people have a sexual fetish.  That is a problem with people with loud mouths, not a problem with people who choose to crossdress.

The more we blame ourselves for our own problems, the less capable we are to address the real problem:  judgmental people who would try to deny ALL of us from expressing our identities and desires.  We need to be standing together.  What we don't need to be doing, is debating who is real time and who is part time and who is this and who is that.  The fact is that all transgendered people risk facing discrimination, regardless of how OR WHY they are doing whatever they are doing.

[CynthiaAnn]

What an interesting thread, I enjoyed reading it today. Responses all over the spectrum. I will only briefly add my experiences to it. Cross dressing started with me at about age 7 with borrowing my sisters clothes, just sneaking on a dress or girl pants when no one was around. Then in my teen age years it got more intense, moved on to my mom's lingerie and things, had stashes of my sister's and mom's clothes in my room. Starting buying my own feminine items at around age 20 after moving out. Then told my wife before we got married about it, she was OK with it, then several purge cycles later, here I am at age 52. It has reached the point now, where I can't turn it off, I am a habitual cross dresser, I pretty much dress full time now, started seeing a GT last year, and am starting to realize I think I am a woman inside, or I want to become a woman. There is not much left to do in the male role any more, transitioning seems to make sense for me. I love being feminine deeply, I am having a hard time trying to "Man up" anymore. I shave my body all the time, I tuck, I am training my voice to be more girlish, and starting to have my facial hair removed. My wife said just the other day "you are turning into a woman". I am still a cross dresser I guess, but no longer does it have the "thrill" it used to, I wear woman's clothes to feel comfortable. So I guess in my case these feelings have evolved over time. Good bye T.

Cynthia Ann

[Barbara]

My opinion is that this 5% statistic could be off many fold.The typical crossdresser has to be the highest closet group.There would be no way to poll them (well,honestly anyway).I am sure a high percentage would not admit it even anonymously.So......i will take the liberty of just adding a zero in here to make it 50%.Now.... is'nt that better

[PhSensei]

Crossdressing is to me about self expression and finding comfort in your own skin.  That can mean different things to different people.  Some CD's express their appreciation for tthe female form via emulation.  Others may be expressing their inner female or female side.  But who cares why, the reality is that we ARE.  We have a lot in common with TS's (fear, self worth  issues, and much more) .  Instead of focusing on the didifference lets stick together on aa foundation of similarity.

I have nothing but respect for our transgendered friends.  They are forging a path I can't quite understand, only because in not in that same mental space.  All I can do is be encouraging and wish them the best.

I would hope that the folks that are transgendered would look at us CDs. The same way.  Not quite understanding, but wishing us well and that we find happiness however we can.

Neither path is easy, all are full of challenges big and small.

As for those with sexual motivations; to each their own.  At least they figure out what they like, if they find consenting people to be with more power to them.


Also think of this; how many CD's really are transgender but choose to live a life in both the male and female form as a sacrifice for friends, family etc?

[Iskandra]

I stopped reading the excuses and justifications 3 pages ago, because sadly i have to work in the morning..
Some ppl might and will be valid in their reasoning...
But to me, its all about the 'feel'.. Jeans and T's are boring, female clothes have a sensuality, they feel 'nice'...
The variety of textiles and textures is so much greater and lets face it, according to statistics 38% of guys are tactile.. as in touch is their prime sense!!
In a world where most males of a species are better looking than the female, we are conflicted about beauty, yes the fashion and cosmetics industry has a lot to answer for...I dress for feel and sensation, not because i want to pass as a woman...  I am no threat to anyone, nor is my masculinity in doubt!!! Mind you, drove to FF drive through tonight dressed, and driving a manual in 4 inch heels is scary, how do girls do it...lol

The other scary thing is telling my gf, who doesnt 'get it', but ironically is bi...

[Iskandra]

Oh, when i say excuses I did not mean to slight anyone, I guess it's more a freuian comment like "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" Sometimes we seek/give explanations for our actions that arent needed... Do what is natural and Mother nature will nourish... Ipso Facto...

[KittyLondon273]

These types of views also bother me.  It is not the crossdresser's fault that crossdressing causes society as a whole to want to fit transsexuals into a box.  Yes, I have real problems.  No, crossdressing will not solve those problems.  But I also don't blame crossdressers or drag queen's on my problems.  Some people want to present as the opposite gender some of the time, without hormones or surgery.  If that's what they need to do, I'm fine with that.

Even if crossdressers didn't exist, society would just find another excuse to deny transsexuals.  The problem is in judgmental people, not in other transgendered people who are different than I am.  For many crossdressers, their gender presentation is genuine.  I believe in taking someone for who they are.  If they want to be feminine for a day, I'll react to them accordingly.  If they are coming from a place that is genuine, I'll treat them with respect.

Even if someone dressess for sexual reasons, there's still nothing wrong with it.  If someone gets themselves off by pretending or imagining themselves to be feminine, good for them.  Personally I don't really care what people do with their spare time.  It's not their fault that some idiots with loud mouths proclaim that ALL transgendered people have a sexual fetish.  That is a problem with people with loud mouths, not a problem with people who choose to crossdress.

The more we blame ourselves for our own problems, the less capable we are to address the real problem:  judgmental people who would try to deny ALL of us from expressing our identities and desires.  We need to be standing together.  What we don't need to be doing, is debating who is real time and who is part time and who is this and who is that.  The fact is that all transgendered people risk facing discrimination, regardless of how OR WHY they are doing whatever they are doing.

Thank you Very Gnawty!  That is true!  Very Gnawty and Pia, I get very tired of hearing people say that other people make them look bad.  When you do not hear many cross dressers going around saying "oh transsexuals make me look bad because people will think I want to get surgery so I have a hoo hoo".  We are all people and how we express ourselves is for ourselves, so we be happier.

I never said cross dressers, transvestites, transsexuals or whoever share the same exact gender identity.  Even transsexuals specifically do not share all of the same views and feelings about their gender with each other.  People are people.  If I want to call myself a transsexual but keep my penis, and have long hair, and a five o' clock shadow, and dress up as a furry sometimes, and marry the flipping Tour Eiffel then who cares?!  If another person of the same nationality as me does something I do not agree with, does that make me look bad?  No, it does not at all. 

  I am not going to hide in the closet or not be honest about who I am because some uppity transsexual thinks me being who I am makes them look bad.  It is the same old gay straight, Christian Atheist, argument.  I do not sit cooped up in my apartment thinking of how I could dress that would spite the very name of the transsexual community.  Just please girl, oh puh lease, Pia!

[KittyLondon273]

Well, I'm not a crossdresser nor a transvestite, and I don't want to be called that.  By the same token, crossdressers & transvestites aren't transsexual.  Crossdressers are men who like wearing the clothes of the opposite sex.  If there's a sexual motivation for the crossdressing, then that person is a transvestite, pure and simple.  There's no other way around it.  I don't support any notion that a crossdresser or transvestite is any form or version of TS.  Nobody "becomes" transsexual.  Transsexuals are born that way.

I'm sick and tired of crossdressers and transvestites telling the whole world that they are "transsexual", and how they "don't need GRS to be complete".  Well, guess what, when crossdressers and transvestites pretend they're transsexual and say that they "don't need GRS"  they jeopardise the well-being of transsexuals.  Why?  Because for transsexuals, GRS is an imperative, and in some instances a matter of life & death.   When full-time crossdressers & transvestites say that GRS is not necessary, governments and medical insurers will continue to deny transsexuals their right for GRS.

If some want to call that "elitism" fine.  but the truth is that I don't have any problems with people identifying as they want.  People can identify as a pot of coffee for all I care, but own your freaking narrative.  That's all I ask.  Have the balls to accept yourself for what you are & don't call yourself something you are not because you may be jeopardising the lives of other people by doing so.

Read my above post.

[tekla]

I'm sick and tired of crossdressers and transvestites telling the whole world that they are "transsexual",

But I never hear them say that.  I've heard many CDs/TVs wonder, in that questioning sense we all love so much, if they are TS.  I've seen some who want to be.  I've seen enough find out they are that the old joke: "What's the difference between a CD and TS?  Ten years." has more than a bit of truth in it.  The argument - at least as I've been following it, and it ain't easy - is whether CD&TV get to call themselves TG, and if so, could TS be taken away from TG, as it's something seperate and does not want to be associated with confused with that other group.  But I've never heard any of the CDs/TVs/DQs/benders/queers and the rest of that bunch refer to themselves as TS - though for sure they are crowding in under the TG/Gender Variance tent, and that's not going to change.

If there's a sexual motivation for...
I think there is a sexual motivation for everything if you look at it right.  It's one of the most basic urges, one of the few things we can share as a species and with each other, and even with yourself.  Sex is absolutely tied up in everything.  EVERYthing.  Plus, it's easy to see without looking too far that there is a huge sexual component in the lives of many TS persons too.

"don't need GRS to be complete"
Maybe they don't.  Maybe (very likely) they should be adding "at this time" to the end of that sentence.  Whatever choice seems like the best option for the person choosing it, then that's the one they should opt for.  We're not all on the same path, we're not all going in the same direction, and we're not all doing it for the same reasons in exactly similar percentages but like it or not we are all on the same island, and that's something to keep in mind.

When full-time crossdressers & transvestites say that GRS is not necessary, governments and medical insurers will continue to deny transsexuals their right for GRS.
Because no one gets listened to by governments and the medical community quite like full-time crossdressers & transvestites.  If the government is out to please one group of people, it's CDs and TVs.  For sure on that.  You know, every day when I get up there is a big logjam of calls from the government asking me what policy they ought to be writing today.  Plus I've never heard them say it's not necessary across the board, they are just saying it's not needed for them (at this time).

[KittyLondon273]

Haha.  Tekla.  I love how you think.  I agree with what you are saying alot.  And Pia, I am sorry if I came off rude, I  was just a wee bit worked up over what you said.  We all have different opinions and that is fine, and that is what I was saying.  We all have different reasons at least not in the same percentages as Tekla said for why we do what we do. 

And Tekla, that thing about sex is true.  A biological traditionally gendered man, does not dress as a man to get his rocks off generally but he will wear things that make him feel sexy most of the time, and the same with females, or just anyone of any gender.  Sex is a factor in some way for many things.

And we cannot blame other's for how the government or any other group supposedly generally treats us.  I do not say it is transsexuals fault that genderqueer's and androgynes are not in some way recognized, none of it makes sense.  But what it comes down to is that life is about self improvement and being happy.  If being gender variant in a way not conforming to some transgender's views makes one happy then you shouldn't be made to feel bad for it.  The same for transsexuals.  They should not be made to feel like them being who they are is a bother to who someone else is.

[Sarah Louise]

Its time to end the name calling and verbal attack.

Standard definitions for Susans:  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html

These definitons use TransGendered as an Umbrella term under which all different type of people exist.

Crossdressers are under the TG umbrella, so are Transsexuals.

But here we do understand that the definition of a CD is different than a TS.

I have no issue with any varience represented under that umbrella, we each have our own reasons, issues and goals.

[kate durcal]

What is a Crossdresser?

A Crossdresser is an individual who dresses in clothing characteristic of the other sex.

The term Crossdresser does not refer to a gender identity.  Crossdressers do not see themselves as being a full time member of the other gender or other sex.  However, Crossdressers find fulfillment in the activity and often feel it is a necessary expression of themselves to become a temporary member of the other sex.

The term crossdressing describes the behavior without attributing any motives for the behavior.  In reference to a person, the term Crossdresser suggests the crossdressing behavior is compelling or habitual.

Most Crossdressers experience their first urge to wear the clothing of the other sex at an early age, puberty is typical.  Crossdressers enjoy the expression of the alternate sex or gender for a vast variety of reasons, and most often only as an occasional activity.  Their motivations for crossdressing may change over time.  Frequently, crossdressing becomes an antidote to anxiety or depression and contributes to a sense of inner peace and calm.

Crossdressers may be male or female, many having normal marriages, family lives, and careers.  They may 'purge' on occasion, disposing of their feminine attire (or, in the case of female Crossdressers, masculine attire) in the hope that their desire to crossdress will also disappear.  Crossdressers may encounter difficulties with unsupportive partners or spouses, and may be subjected to employment discrimination even if the crossdressing activity occurs solely outside the workplace.

Crossdressers cultivate the appearance of the other sex, particularly with regard to clothing.  Crossdressing behaviour may also include the use of makeup and adoption of postures, gestures and mannerisms typical of the other sex.  For most Crossdressers, crossdressing is a private form of self-expression.  Crossdressing may also be undertaken on a part-time or recreational basis, such as at clubs and social events, and may or may not have erotic significance.

Transvestite, the archaic term for Crossdresser, has largely fallen into disuse except in a few specific instances.  Current usage of transvestite refers to an individual who wears the clothing of the other sex as a fetishistic practice for sexual arousal.  The clinical term, transvestic fetishism refers to a psychiatric diagnosis.
Two key criteria are required for a diagnosis of transvestic fetishism:
   1. Recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviour, involving crossdressing.
   2. This causes clinically significant distress or impairment, whether socially, at work, or elsewhere.
Thus, transvestic fetishism is not considered to be a mental disorder unless it causes significant problems for the individual concerned.

Crossdressing is also a common behaviour among transsexual individuals to relieve their crossgender feelings.  Transsexuals dress in the attire of their core-gender as a form of gender identity self-expression.  In doing so, the motivations of a Transsexual differ markedly from the motivations of Crossdressers.

The root cause of crossdressing behaviour is unknown.  Crossdressing is not considered to be a mental disorder.  The only 'treatment' for a Crossdresser is to encourage the individual to accept their situation and lifelong need to crossdress.

It is estimated that Crossdressers comprise 5% of the adult male population.  Female Crossdressers are thought to be more rare than male, but this may be erroneous.  Since crossdressing behaviour in females is not prohibited in modern Western societies, little censure is given to women who dress in clothing characteristic of the male sex.  Females who are observed wearing mens clothing are often considered to be individualistic and stylishly attired.

-Emerald 

You forgo to tell about  the difference between CDs that get sexual rewards with the CDsing and those who do not. Also, soem CDs evolve into TS

Kate D