Question and Answer - What is a Transsexual?

[Jillieann Rose]

I'm a transsexual. So you are you asking what I am.
I really don't know but:
As a MTF TS my soul/spirit part of me is female. But this body is totally male. I shave pluck hairs out and make it look more female the way I think it should only to have it fight back with regrouping all of the hair. 
Should I take hormone to try to change this male body? How much will it cost is and is it worth the health risk?
What about living full time? If it doesn't work I will still have lost all that I knew before and than where will I be.
My mind doesn't want to be male and the mere though of it is revolting to me.
All of my friends and family know me as a male.
I have for many years conformed to that image even to the point of almost fooling myself.
But I can't do that anymore.
I am now in a dangerous place and have shattered my marriage my relationships with my family.
But I can't stop I need to be the woman that is the really me. Will I destroy my friendship with people who know me as a man? Will I lose my job?
What will I become when I have followed this path (TS) to the end? I don't know. Will it be worth the pain and lose? Will I be happy?  Will I even make it?  Can I go on or should I just lie down and die?

The feel of silk and satin on me. Smooth legs with soft nylons. The joy of being treated like a woman when I am dress. Becoming the real me buried deep inside. These are the things I live for. These are the things that I die for.

I am driven forward always forward to the goaled of becoming what my mind and spirit says I am. Never mind the doubt never mind the fear never mind the consequences always forward.
I'm a TS and all I know for sure is that I can't turn back because I would self destruct. 
Jillieann

[Evan]

I strongly disagree with this. For me at least, the unavoidable fact that I'm not physically female is the source of my dysphoria. No amount of freedom regarding gender expression or roles will cure my problem. Even if society let me crossdress and act feminine for the rest of my life - I'd still be miserable inside. I have no specific desire to be a "woman" (culturally defined female role). I do however feel a compulsion to be female.


While I realize many if not most transsexuals feel this way, it's not quite the same way for me. I don't find being male repugnant, but perhaps uncomfortable, inaccurate, the wrong context. I dislike my maleness because it reminds me that I'm not female - but I don't hate my maleness in and of itself. If anything, seeing my maleness just makes me incredibly sad - because it means I'm not female.

You have vocalized ( in text, obviously) what I have been trying to get out of my head for the longest. Thank you.

[Hazumu]

Lately, in response to questions I've received, I've done some thinking...

I don't feel a woman trapped in a male body so much a a woman trapped in the societal role of a man.  By the same train of thought, I don't harbor any particular ill will toward the penis my body was born with (per se,) but I HATE what it caused society to do to me -- basically forcing me into a particular role I wasn't really suited for.

That having been said, I do look forward to SRS, when the bits I was born with will be rearranged into something I wish I had been initially been born with, and will allow certain functions I've always dreamed of having (of course, certain OTHER desired functions are still medically out of reach...)

Does THAT make me a Transsexual?

Karen

[brina]

Hiee,

  Is it not fair to make the classification this way. Transexuals are Gender Dysphoric like all other members of the Transgender continium. Transexuals ALSO have GENDER IDENTITY DISORDER which the other members DO NOT.
  Also what is early onset anyhow. I have seen countless numbers stating that 'I knew from the time I was 3 or 4 years old', given that most people can't recal memories before 5 years of age I certainly have to wonder about those statements myself not to mention the idea of differing anatomies being understood at that age. For myself  the earliest I can recall would be age 12 and that was somewhat intelleculized when it did happen.
  I can recall having TEA parties when I was 4 maybe even 3, BUT there is no memory of gender issues surronding that. I did have a life altering event transpire when I was nearly 5 years old so perhaps this is why I am able to remember somethings from early childhood.
  I reached a point where the safest thing for me to do was to act the role that my body presented. I was semi-able to pull this off. While I was not what one would consider succesful neither was I a total failure. In looking back, had I been able to live as a loving nuturing woman I believe I would have been truly happier for it. Do I dispise my Penis NO, rather the hair on my face instead. I will be happier though when things are right side in as I will FEEL correct physically about myself at last.

Byee,
  Brina

[Refugee]

Hiee,

  Is it not fair to make the classification this way. Transexuals are Gender Dysphoric like all other members of the Transgender continium. Transexuals ALSO have GENDER IDENTITY DISORDER which the other members DO NOT.
  Also what is early onset anyhow. I have seen countless numbers stating that 'I knew from the time I was 3 or 4 years old', given that most people can't recal memories before 5 years of age I certainly have to wonder about those statements myself not to mention the idea of differing anatomies being understood at that age. For myself  the earliest I can recall would be age 12 and that was somewhat intelleculized when it did happen.
  I can recall having TEA parties when I was 4 maybe even 3, BUT there is no memory of gender issues surronding that. I did have a life altering event transpire when I was nearly 5 years old so perhaps this is why I am able to remember somethings from early childhood.
  I reached a point where the safest thing for me to do was to act the role that my body presented. I was semi-able to pull this off. While I was not what one would consider succesful neither was I a total failure. In looking back, had I been able to live as a loving nuturing woman I believe I would have been truly happier for it. Do I dispise my Penis NO, rather the hair on my face instead. I will be happier though when things are right side in as I will FEEL correct physically about myself at last.

Byee,
  Brina

GLBs say that in looking back on it they always knew they were GLB.  While there are always exceptions, Ts at 3 or 4 don't know, and I mean KNOW, they're T any more then GLBs do.  Yeah there may be tons of "cross gender" behavior, but having been around the gay community as long as I've been there are just about equal amounts of happy, well adjusted gay men that had dolls, cross dressed, or did any of the other "cross gender" things when they were growing up.  The difference between the two?  At least as far as their willing to admit to, no one's said they raided their sister's closet in high school, etc.  Its more appropriate to say they knew their whole life looking back on it.  The emphasis being on "looking back on it" even though they didn't KNOW until they were older. 

[tinkerbell]

Hiee,

I have seen countless numbers stating that 'I knew from the time I was 3 or 4 years old', given that most people can't recal memories before 5 years of age I certainly have to wonder about those statements myself not to mention the idea of differing anatomies being understood at that age.

As I have said a zillion times in these forums, I can't speak for other people, only for myself.  I do remember my life since I was three years old.  I might have not known about the differences in anatomy between a boy and a girl, but I certainly understood that girls were treated differently than I was, and they wore different clothing than I did, and they had their hair longer than mine.........and you know what?  I wanted to be a girl since the age of three, I wanted to have my hair long, I wanted to wear dresses, I wanted to wear bobby pins on my hair, I wanted to have my nails polished like the other girls.  I did not know about maleness and femaleness, penises, and vaginas,  but I did know that girls were different than I was.


tinkerbell

[Sarah Louise]

Well stated Tinkerbell, you said it better than I ever could have.

Sarah L.

[Kate]

As I have said a zillion times in these forums, I can't speak for other people, only for myself.  I do remember my life since I was three years old.  I might have not known about the differences in anatomy between a boy and a girl, but I certainly understood that girls were treated differently than I was, and they wore different clothing than I did, and they had their hair longer than mine.........and you know what?  I wanted to be a girl since the age of three, I wanted to have my hair long, I wanted to wear dresses, I wanted to wear bobby pins on my hair, I wanted to have my nails polished like the other girls.  I did not know about maleness and femaleness, penises, and vaginas,  but I did know that girls were different than I was.

^^^ what she said

I was telling my wife last night that I distinctly remember how sad I was when we shopped for my first school clothes... I must have been 4 or 5. We bought a Winnie The Pooh outfit. It's not that I specifically craved girl's clothes necessarily, but it just hammered home the fact that I wasn't a girl, and wasn't going to be treated like one, not even in school.

I remember attending kindergarten, meeting Diane and Brenda, and desperately wishing I could BE them. I was four or five.

I will admit that the idea of crossdressing didn't occur to me until perhaps my teen years, though it was just a passing thought at the time. I never actually tried it until my early thirties, when I became desperate to find SOME way to alleviate the GID. I just never made a connection between being female and wearing female things, though I certainly *tried* to make the connection in order to lessen the angst. It didn't work.

Otherwise, I cannot trace any memories back *before* wishing I was a girl. It was just always there. I've never known a world without it.

[Refugee]

I was telling my wife last night that I distinctly remember how sad I was when we shopped for my first school clothes... I must have been 4 or 5. We bought a Winnie The Pooh outfit. It's not that I specifically craved girl's clothes necessarily, but it just hammered home the fact that I wasn't a girl, and wasn't going to be treated like one, not even in school.

I remember hating the fact that my cousin had wonderwoman underroos and I didn't.   

[Julie Marie]

My personal version of the definition of transsexual:

I was born a girl. 
Then I began to realize people saw me as a boy and treated me as a boy.
I soon found out if I didn't act like a boy there would be hell to pay.
I became very good at pretending.
I started to believe I should do this all my life.
Unhappiness and frustration set in.
People reminded me again of the hell I'd have to pay if I didn't act like a boy.
I straightened up my act.
Unhappiness and frustration increased.
As I got older I found more people in my life who wanted me to be a guy.
I played the part the best I could.
I got tired of the act, but I thought there was no escape.
I buried myself in anything and everything I could.
Nothing helped and misery set in.
I woke up.
I saw the clouds part and felt the sun shine warmly on my face.
I started believing in myself.
I changed paths.
Happiness and contentment set in.
I began HRT & saw physical changes.
Friends who had already been there helped me see the real me.
Then one day I looked in the mirror and saw a woman.
I was back to where I started, a bit older but still a girl.

Julie

[brina]

Hmmm,

  The rules as to what I think constitues a transexual. I can only speak for my situation as a M->F as I simply don't have enough understanding of F->M's although many of the same rules would apply I feel.

1) Acceptance of the fact that ones body does not match their inner image
2) The taking of hormones to influence the developement of the target genders seconday sexual characteristics
3) The removal of the wrong gendered secondary sexual characteristics
4) Legal change of name (first) to reflect the targeted gender that they feel they are
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Sorry but these are pretty much the basics for me to accept someone as TRULY being transexual. Anything less to me indicates that someone is moving towards being a transexual but has not really arrived there yet. Sorry if ya haven't paid the dues you don't have access to the club!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(edit to add the following)
They must be living full time in their target gender ie both Work/Leisure
(end edit)
Now the biggie, surgory. It might sound harsh but the organs responsible for producing the wrong gendered hormones have to go. Sorry but anti androgens don't cut it any more as they can be stopped and reversion is possible. Once the the slice is made its permanent. These proceedures are not outlandishly expensive and can be achieved by the average transexual.

Byee,
  Brina
PS This presumes that in this case the word transexual is being used as an adjective.

[Steph]

Hmmm,

  The rules as to what I think constitues a transexual. I can only speak for my situation as a M->F as I simply don't have enough understanding of F->M's although many of the same rules would apply I feel.

1) Acceptance of the fact that ones body does not match their inner image
2) The taking of hormones to influence the developement of the target genders seconday sexual characteristics
3) The removal of the wrong gendered secondary sexual characteristics
4) Legal change of name (first) to reflect the targeted gender that they feel they are
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Sorry but these are pretty much the basics for me to accept someone as TRULY being transexual. Anything less to me indicates that someone is moving towards being a transexual but has not really arrived there yet. Sorry if ya haven't paid the dues you don't have access to the club!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(edit to add the following)
They must be living full time in their target gender ie both Work/Leisure
(end edit)
Now the biggie, surgory. It might sound harsh but the organs responsible for producing the wrong gendered hormones have to go. Sorry but anti androgens don't cut it any more as they can be stopped and reversion is possible. Once the the slice is made its permanent. These proceedures are not outlandishly expensive and can be achieved by the average transexual.

Byee,
  Brina
PS This presumes that in this case the word transexual is being used as an adjective.

It seems to me that these are things that a transsexual does, but someone who does these things isn't necessarily TS, therefore the converse is not true, therefore your theory fails.  Also I would contest your notion :

"Anything less to me indicates that someone is moving towards being a transexual but has not really arrived there yet. Sorry if ya haven't paid the dues you don't have access to the club!".

Firstly I would propose that you don't move towards being TS as that would indicate that you could treated as you move towards becoming TS and therefore be cured.  You I put forth that you are born with the condition. It seems that to gain access to the club you must be dealing with, or have dealt with the physical.  How about a diagnosis of GID, would that gain access to the club, as the club seems to be concentrating only on the physical.

Steph

[brina]

Hiee Steph,

  Yes the club is exclusionary. There are simply to dammed many phonies on the internet and in these types of groups. As should be obvious I do tend to be Bi-Polar in my outlook on genders although I do think modifications need to be made for both the female and male classifications.
Taking the premise that M->F transexuals are female in essence and not body then altering the body to fit their self image poses no problem. Part of that process is losing the functionality of Mr Penis to a large degree. I have yet to meet a man who identifies as such to redily agree to such circumstances.
I have met a number of crossdressers and transvestites most interested in my breast developement,BUT, when they are informed that in order to realistically achieve that they will have to surrender their male erections, how quickly they loose any interest. That being said for me I think the first 4 items work fairly well in weeding out the males.

  Many claim to be transexual but always find all kinds of lame excuses NOT to transition. I suppose I should explain that I think anyone who is really transexual will transiton as the pressure simply builds to the point where one can no longer deny it to themselves. If someone is not in the state of transition then I think of them as having transexual tendencies, but not actually being transexual. Transition is a healing process is it not. Given that it is a healing process the hopefully the outcome will be a cure or very near to it.

  Like it or not bi-lateral orchiectomies and non-radical hystorectomies are the gender altering operations whether they are part of the SRS experience or not. Orchies are not all the expensive and very inexpensive relative to the cost of SRS in general. I think that the average TS can likely afford to have it performed.

  My disclaimer at the begining of my post stated quite clearly that these criteria are what I use personally. I have simply run into to many fakes and phonies and several predators as well. For me actions speak much louder then words. My criteria may be somewhat tight and narrow but I find that it works for me.

Byee,
  Brina

[Steph]

Hiee Steph,

  Yes the club is exclusionary. There are simply to dammed many phonies on the internet and in these types of groups. ....

But Brina by this statement are you yourself becoming one of those gate keepers you despise so much?  Like those at the Clarke for instance, who do their best to make sure that a person gets the diagnosis first before allowing a person through the gate?

Steph

[brina]

Hiee Steph,

  I certainly hope not otherwise I suppose I am becoming cold and callous like a number of other TS's I have met over time. The only real control the gatekeepers have now is over surgory and even that is diminished by the Thailand option. I simply DO NOT enjoy being in the company of men who pretend for a short while to be woman, and when they have had their fix, resort back to being men and more often then not impede my rights to gender equality or worse. Like I said I know my criteria are tight and narrow, but consider them to be MY safeguards for self-preservation.

Byee,
  Brina

[togetherwecan]

If you are suggesting that one is 'born into the wrong body'; that somehow one's physical attributes are incorrect and that surgical alteration is the solution, then in my mind that lies far nearer body dysmorphia than gender dysphoria. 
(and yes I'm aware of the body of work that is oft quoted/referenced, largely by the TS community, to dispute this notion)

elleane
xxx

If a man was born with a third leg and wished it removed, would he be accused of body dysmorphia?

Transsexual people who live in more accepting and/or enlightened cultures have less dysphoria and are more content with their bodies and lives.

I strongly disagree with this. For me at least, the unavoidable fact that I'm not physically female is the source of my dysphoria. No amount of freedom regarding gender expression or roles will cure my problem. Even if society let me crossdress and act feminine for the rest of my life - I'd still be miserable inside. I have no specific desire to be a "woman" (culturally defined female role). I do however feel a compulsion to be female.

I too strongly disagree with that statement.
TS in more accepting and/or enlightened cultures may be more content with their place in that society, but I highly doubt they are more content with their bodies.
Even if the world saw me as a man, I would still feel great distress over the fact I have breasts.
Example: I bind, concealing them from all eyes but my own, and yet I still want a masectomy.
Not for society, but for my own well-being.

  Transsexual people who live in more accepting and/or enlightened cultures have less dysphoria and are more content with their bodies and lives.

I vote for the removal of this statement.

Nero

ok wait a sec....

I understand that no amount of open culture removes the underlying problem however the open acceptance within other cultures at the very least allows a TS individual to stop hiding and so many of you in one way or another have spoken of the despair of *keeping the secret* and the mental anguish is unhealthy for anyone. So that being said, there is some value to the statement IMHO.

[Renae.Lupini]

To sum up my general feelings on this topic I will steal a line that was said in Transamerica "Isn't funny how a cosmetic surgery cures my mental illness?" Mull it over for a minute or two.

[tinkerbell]

To sum up my general feelings on this topic I will steal a line that was said in Transamerica "Isn't funny how a cosmetic surgery cures my mental illness?" Mull it over for a minute or two.

Hmmmm...yeah, but you have to understand that some of us don't consider SRS to be a cosmetic procedure.  For some of us, it is a necessity, a second chance to keep on living...

tink

[Renae.Lupini]

Before I post my next question I do want to make it abundantly clear that I do not discount anyone's chosen path to self-discovery. I merely offer questions and comments to provoke thoughts outside of the everyday TS box. Do not take offense to what I say.

Are saying that by having a vagina then a person is in fact a woman and solely due to the fact of having a vagina?

The reason I say GRS is cosmetic is that it is simply turning one body part into something different. There is nothing mentally entailed with a GRS procedure. The only part that deal with the mental aspects is a person's own perception of who they are. From my point of view, I was not born with a mental disorder but with a birth defect. Having the birth defect removed would be the reason for GRS thus making it a cosmetic procedure. 

[tinkerbell]

Are saying that by having a vagina then a person is in fact a woman and solely due to the fact of having a vagina?

No, I'm merely saying that for some of us, having a body that matches who we are on the inside is the reason for our existence.  True, medically, SRS is viewed as a cosmetic procedure (that's the reason why we have to pay for it in most instances), but emotionally speaking (at least, in my case), the entire experience of having an anatomy congruent with my gender goes much deeper than a correction of a birth defect since the entire aspect of the surgery pertains to my indentity as an individual, a very painful struggle which I have had to endure since I can remember. 

Furthermore and IMHO, I don't believe that there's anything in life which we can compare with GID, for transsexualism is (IMO) the most difficult, painful path in humanity anyone can endure. 

BTW  I know that everyone has their own opinion based on their individual experiences, and I, of course, respect them. 

tink