Have you ever had doubts right before having surgery or HRT?

[Carolyn]

I would say I'm 99.99% sure This is the only thing I have desired for as long as I can remember, you know what I'm not 99.99% I'm over 9000% sure.

[MaggieB]

I can't call what I had "doubts". It was more like a dawning realization of the reality of the moment.  I do recall thinking that I could stop when I was being wheeled into the operating room but instead I smiled.  I realized that I had arrived in that room after a gauntlet of trials and problems,  any one of which could have derailed my transition.  I also thought about all my friends who listened to me talk about my transition. Wigging out then would have been such a betrayal of myself and them.  I am happy that I went through with it and have no regrets.  As a female, I am very happy and can function in society much better than before.  What I did not really factor in enough was that I would be totally alone afterwards, emotionally.  Would I have stopped if I knew that my family would basically treat me as a stranger and that now no one in the entire world loves me? NO, I would still do it.

[SomeMTF]

Never. (Perhaps night before surgery I will be quit scary and after it that it sure in the great pain).

[Kayden]

I'm not having doubts (well, maybe a few, but not REAL ones)... just mildly sad about losing the things I convinced myself were good about myself after much trial and tribulation as attempting and failing to live as a female.  I attempted to find positive things about myself so that I could be more comfortable in my own skin (like my singing voice) and I will be sad when I lose the (albeit few) things I appreciate that will change.

However, I know I will be fundamentally the same person and my insides will match better my outsides and THAT is awesome.

Plus, every time I think about growing to be any older as a female instead of a male, I can't do it.  I'd rather give my life up than do that.

[gothique11]

Um, I wouldn't say I've had doubts about my SRS or my transition -- I questioned myself, of course, to be sure that it was the right thing for me. As for the timing of my SRS, I had some doubts because of what was going on in my life at the time, financially and home wise. Since then, I never looked back and of course went through the surgery. Sadly, coming home to a wreck and a lot of stress made recovery a little bit harder. But, I'm still glad I had my surgery.

[Chamillion]

Yes. Right before my therapist was going to refer me to an endocrinologist to get T, I told her I didn't want to. I figured I was comfortable enough, I wasn't depressed like I heard a lot of trans people were and thought I was fine the way I was. This was in July 08. Six months later my thoughts started coming back and I went back to her, this time 100% sure I wanted to go on hormones. You can put it off but I think your thoughts will keep coming back until you just do it.

[findingreason]

Anyone that knows me here on Susan's knows I have a nasty habit of doubting things to the infinite degree. It doesn't matter what it is, anything big I doubt, but I push through and most things in life I did not regret once I did. I figured now, that after getting self-destructive last week, and transition coming back to mind when I stopped myself, I knew it MUST stop. I was not even thinking about it when trying to hurt myself, but it came after the fact. I reasoned now, that I would rather just transition, and be calmer and less depressed on HRT, than end up dead in a grave someday because I killed myself .

It's a jump into the unknown, and I do not know what will happen, but I can't let myself fall back into hell like I was before. I want to live again, and will do what it takes to make that happen.

[pretty pauline]

Have you ever had doubts right before having surgery or HRT?
Well to put it another way I kinda had ''doubts'' just after my surgery, but looking back now I put it down to ''post op depression'' which you don't hear much about here.
Well into my transition, my Mother was always very anxious that I have srs just to complete and finalize my transition which I had in 1985.
I remember a few days before my surgery I was very nervous, then the morning of the surgery going under the anesthesia, I just wanted to get it over with.
I was very disappointed when I did see my new womanhood, that was when I had my doubt omg it was gross.
But thankful it didn't last, I had a second minor surgery labia plastic under a local anesthesia which put the finishing touches to my girlie parts.
That was the only doubts I had, when I was fully healed I just love being a woman, I found the surgery hard, no gain without pain, I'd never go back.
p